Time. It has passed.
So basically when I got back from Paris, it became clear that the summer was over. The post-it note that has my list of goals for the summer…I mean, I knew it was ambitious, but I’d expected to at least be able to cross off ONE thing. No. Most of my projects have hit a wall where I don’t know how the fuck to approach them anymore, except the one where each new batch of data takes me down a weirder and weirder path… Really? That’s what people did? Uuuuuh…okay. And then I had to push all that to the back burner to get ready for classes. Panic panic panic why am I panicking? I have tenure. Everything is fine. Anyway, things feel a bit more in control now.
I just took the babies to our local fire station. It was so cool. Fire engines are really large, turns out. And they had a whole fridge all for condiments in their kitchen. The firefighter said they really do all eat meals together, which, I don’t know, I find that really charming. It is the last Saturday of the babies’ summer, so this was a nice way to spend it.
On Monday, Bunlet turns four. On Wednesday, Bun Bun will be a kindergartner. In a couple of months, Bunter will be one year old. She is sitting up and dragging herself around on the floor and has two teeth. Bun Bun dances around to make Bunter laugh. No one can make her laugh the way her older sister can. And now I can get Bun Bun to read me books while I lie on the sofa. It’s the best. And Bunlet puts the laundry down the laundry chute for me, and makes sure his small sister doesn’t get into dangerous mischief.
I’ve been doing my best to stay in the strange Baby Headspace that being on leave with Bunter put me in. Reminding myself that I only have to do This One Thing that I am currently doing, instead of spooling up into a terrible state of anxiety thinking of the Giant List. Some days are easier than others. The real test will come when I start teaching again. But I don’t know, right now it feels like it might be possible.
I’ve been growing lots of vegetables. Most of the things I planted did not work out at all, but this year for some reason I got lots of beets. Okay! I love beets!
And while the tomatoes that I carefully nurtured from seeds looked like they were going to die for mooonths, the ones that volunteered themselves from the ground (seeds! They get dispersed!) are doing great. So I guess I should not bother planting things in the future, but just see what comes up. Like, is this a message to not try so fucking hard?
So that’s us. What about you?