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Glorious solitude

My husband is a delightful and wonderful fellow, and I’m so grateful we found each other. We get along pretty well despite the fact that we are different in many ways. As I’ve noted, he’s an optimist, and I’m…not so much. When it comes to conflict resolution, he’s a shouter and I’m a silent weeper. I’m extremely tidy, and he’s…less so. I’m pretty much a non-procrastinator, and he’s one of those can-only-work-under-time-pressure types. But as this old recipe for sealing wax says, when two substances of opposite humours are married, then a union true unto its purpose shall be obtained, suitable in all degrees and means. I think we’re a pretty good match. Like shellac and turpentine, baby.

At the moment, though, I’m really fucking glad he’s out of town. He travels for work every couple of weeks, and for the first time since before Christmas, he’s out of my hair. IT’S HEAVEN! I know, I’m an asshole for being glad he’s gone when he just nursed me like a total pro. But sometimes a girl needs solitude! And while I think we are dealing pretty well with the IF situation as a couple, sometimes it’s nice not to have to worry about how he’s feeling about how I’m feeling and how tired he is of being supportive all the time. And, of course, there’s sex. We’re in one of those slumps that seem to be pretty much unavoidable, plus I’m on pelvic rest until I can see my RE. So it’s lovely not having to feel guilty for wanting to put out about as much as I want to have another set of knives and cameras jammed into my guts. Instead I can just flop down in front of the TV and wallow there like an enormous walrus.

In other news, the Lady Professors are having coffee this afternoon and I’m wondering if I’ll be able keep my shit together in front of LP1, the pregnant one. I keep telling myself that she did nothing wrong, she’s just a regular old fertile person doing her fertile thing. I’m just afraid I’ll be all bitchy because of my burning resentment. So do I mention to her that, for future reference, a heads up e-mail is the way to be kind to your infertile friend? And that I’m not going to want to be around her at all pretty soon? Or do I keep my trap shut?

7 Comments Post a comment
  1. JB #

    I think it's fair to pull her aside and tell her how hard this is for you…if she's really into being your friend, she'll understand. One thing to remember is that regular ol' fertile people will NEVER understand what we are going through, no matter how well/often/tirelessly/tearfully you explain it. So precise and to-the-point messaging is key.

    January 21, 2010
  2. Al #

    Enjoy your time of precious solitude!! It's so nice not to have to think about your other half for a while and just do whatever the heck you want to do.

    January 21, 2010
  3. I agree with JB. Giving her a "heads-up" is probably a good idea. I hope you have a good lunch. I usually fall apart when my husband is out of town. But, when I travel without him, I know how you feel. Alone time is always a welcome peace.

    January 21, 2010
  4. Yes. With you on solitude – how can you miss him if he never goes away? I DO like missing the JB. Good luck with LP1 (have read the back story). Tricky. It depends how interested you are in being proper friends, I think. If so, say something, it could be just: I'm sure (bit of flattery!) you understand that this is difficult for me, and maybe offer guidance on how she should behave, type of thing. If it's just one of those superficial professional relationships based work, maybe it's not worth the effort.

    January 21, 2010
  5. JC #

    Enjoy your alone time!!! I love that too, although I don't get a lot of it.

    January 22, 2010
  6. I like alone time, too, so I get it. Put on a seaweed face mask and your ugliest (but comfiest) sweats and ENJOY!

    January 22, 2010
  7. I like some alone time too, every once in a while. It's weird though – maybe b/c my husband was gone so much when he was in the Army – I don't ever really get tired of being around him. But, it is nice to be able to watch girly movies and lounge around doing other girly activities without snarky comments :). Hope your meeting with the Lady Professors went okay!

    January 22, 2010

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