Spring = death
My spring break is coming up. This makes me want to die for several reasons.
1. It will mean my semester is half over, and I’ve accomplished nothing at all during this precious time of no teaching when I was supposed to be all super productive.
2. Since I started grad school, my spring break tradition has involved spending the time in Chicago with PBF. When I was in school she’d come stay with me and we’d watch as many movies in which people’s lives are transformed through the power of dance (think S.tep Up, Sav.e the Last D.ance, etc.) as we could get our hands on. After I graduated we’d take our husbands, stay in a nice hotel and (because we now had MONEY) go shoppin’. This year she’ll have a couple-week-old baby. Tradition = ovah.
3. My husband is going on a two-week trip during my break and his absence will preclude any attempts at reproduction that month. All because stupid old Clomid will delay my period this month by two or three days, so I’ll just miss my chance to get inseminated. Super frustrating.
Before I continue my whining–yes, there is a possibility I could be pregnant by then. I know some of you are dealing with roadblocks and holding patterns and don’t have even my very slim chance. Yes, I’m an asshole to not treasure that possibility. But I am most comfortable when I evaluate things quantitatively, and when I plan for my next step. The numbers say IUI is a long shot for me. So I’m planning for my next step. And…I’m torn.
My RE suggested three more IUIs, but I don’t know that I want to endure the psychological costs of three more failures. However pointless they feel, it’s still devastating when it doesn’t pan out. So part of me is leaning towards having the myomectomy asap. Maybe even in March, though probably not, since my husband will want to be there for my recovery (selfish him!). So April. Then I’d have to recover for three months, and would prep for IVF in August. IVF in September. A fighting chance at getting pregnant for reals.
So that’s one reason to have the surgery as soon as I can. Other reasons include the following. My RE said that the fibroids increase my chance of miscarriage (though I haven’t asked him to quantify it–I’m assuming if it were a huge concern he wouldn’t let me do IUI) and they increase the chance that if I did get pregnant, the baby would orient in such a way that I’d need a c-section. Finally, I’d kinda like to get these fucking things out of me! Who wants tumors in her abdomen, however benign? But to take a step that will guarantee I have to have a c-section if I ever have a baby, and that will make IVF my only option–it’s hard to face that choice.
I’m curious–what would you do in my position?