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I am stupid and work sucks.

I am stupid. I know absolutely everything about reproduction, except this very fundamental thing: the whole alternating between two ovaries thing is an oversimplification. Thanks, Finch and Trinity, for smartening me up! In fact, my research suggests women younger than thirty do tend to alternate sides, but ancient creatures like myself are more likely to ovulate from the same ovary month to month. Also, the right ovary appears to be slightly more active over one’s reproductive life, with about 55% of ovulations happening from that side. So…let’s hope my body doesn’t decide that it’s time to give the right side a break.

(Oh, and while we’re on the subject of being misled, In case some random woman with fibroids reads my last post, I wanted to add a tiny clarification. READ THIS TOO, RANDOM WOMAN! It’s not the case that the overall rate of miscarriage in women with fibroids is 60%–that’s just the percentage of women in one study who had a miscarriage prior to myomectomy, and women with recurrent pregnancy loss due to fibroids often have the surgery. So 60% is quite exaggerated.)

I am also stupid because when my RE told me to “call to schedule a Lupron shot” I had no idea what I was getting into. First, I would need to get a prescription, ’cause that’s how drugs work. That took a couple of phone calls. Then, I would need to get the prescription filled. It took a couple of phone calls just to discover that I had the choice of paying $700 or requesting “authorization” from my insurance company to get the meds via mail order. At this point I handed things over to Mr. Bunny, who works in the insurance biz. I watched with dumbfounded gratitude as he negotiated several more phone calls which he indicates will result in our insurance company rejecting the claim but me still getting the drugs via mail order without too much delay. I am READY FOR MY MENOPAUSE (and deep bone pain–thanks JB and hope4joy for that enticing prospect), peoples!

And work sucks. One of my duties is to meet with with job candidates to tell them how great Mediocre Institution is and convince them to come (in the event they actually get an offer). Last week I met with one who wanted to talk a whole lot about babies. Do you have kids? No, but we really *suppressed sobbing* want to. What’s the parental leave policy? Blah blah blah… What sorts of resources are there on campus for parents? Here I got to talk about the faculty group for parents that I foolishly joined when I first started trying, thinking it would be good to get a head start. Wow, do I hate thinking about that. Tell me in great detail about schools in the area. You know, the ones you’ll never have any children to send to.

I hate being faced with a hopeful young thing who is just beginning her journey. It makes me feel so old and depressing. I know just what she’s thinking, ’cause I was thinking it too, three years ago. I’ll get this job, I’ll wait a semester or two, and then I’ll get pregnant! I hope it works out that way for her. In fact, I hope it works out that way for her at some other institution. So I never have to see her with a stupid fat belly all full of baby.

7 Comments Post a comment
  1. JB #

    I would consider that an interview observation worth noting, that a psychology recruit couldn't read between the lines after you told her you don't have children but would like to…how or why would you be expected to know squat about the school districts or parenting groups? She is clearly the stupid one and I hope she ends up at SubPar Institution. So there.And if you are doing one depo shot of lupron, that might be quite different from daily injections for 2-3 weeks, which is where hope and I were coming from. Hopefully yours will be no biggie.

    February 22, 2010
  2. That was me, too. In fact, I was going to time it so that the baby came in the summertime, and then I'd take the fall semester off and… Ha. Hahahahahahahaha. Isn't life just the fricking funniest? I didn't know that about ovulation either and so I felt mighty ignorant too. But I am glad you got the prescription straightened out. And I hope the bone pain stays away (along with all the sweet young things who are brimming with, well, optimism so bright that it hurts our more seasoned eyes).

    February 22, 2010
  3. So happy you (and Superman Hubs) got the Rx stuff sorted out, Phew!And I know what you mean about the jealousy/depression/[insert whatever blah emotion here] and how it strikes at work. I can't help but shoot secret dagger eyes at my coworker who works from home a couple of days a week since he has a newborn. The lucky duck! That was supposed to be meeeee!

    February 22, 2010
  4. I just found your blog– and wanted to say 'cheers' from another infertile, 33-year old academic. (I'd drink to it if I wasn't in a 2ww).Except from this post it sounds like you actually have a Mediocre Institution to call home, something I aspire to. I'm currently floating in the land of post-docs and and IF. Fab. Anyways, I am adding you to my list and will keep reading.

    February 22, 2010
  5. Bunny, you are the least stupid person in the whole of blog land. No other infertile had a secret code binary post title. So there.

    February 23, 2010
  6. Al #

    LOL, I have to agree with Finch. You are definitely not stupid.Glad you got the meds sorted and you're all set to start menopause.

    February 23, 2010
  7. Yeah, that ovary thing is a bitch. I have only one good tube left, and after a few monitored cycles where the bad one would fire two months in a row, I realized I couldn't bet on every other. That going through the motions crap for work really does put a kink in things. I thought I'd stick out a job I didn't particularly care for with the idea that I'd get a new job after maternity leave. Ho, so funny…three years later. Thank goodness you have a sherpa on the insurance mountain and good luck with the meds.

    February 23, 2010

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