A pile of shit
A year ago today I was on a plane to California, to see my father. He’d just been diagnosed with cancer. I didn’t know what to expect. I felt awkward and scared. My father and I had a loving relationship, but he was extremely proud and private. It’s hard to be proud and private when you are extremely ill.
Anyway, I am considering celebrating this happy memory by driving a million miles out to the garden center to buy some manure. When life gives you shit, fertilize. On the other hand, the back yard is still covered with snow, and do I really have the energy to lift heavy things? But if I don’t start work on the garden soon, I’ll miss my window.
I hate this feeling of malaise. I used to be so damn energetic! Now the thought of trying to accomplish the smallest thing makes me want to throw up my hands in exhaustion. I’ve been told that when depression makes you feel like everything is a chore, you just have to do things anyway. But I don’t understand HOW. Any recommendations?