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High jinks in same-sex parenting

Today I heard two things from couples of my acquaintance, and they are only possible in the world of same sex parenting, so…it’s a whole big gay theme over here. The first is garden variety kids are so cute. G., the three-year-old adopted daughter of some gay friends, doesn’t understand what mommy means. She hears it most often from her small peers when they are upset about things, as in moooommmmyyyyyyy, Bunny stole my crayons! She thinks it is something you say when you’re upset, like, I don’t know, FUCK! That totally cracked me up. I want to go around saying mommy when I’m pissed. MOMMY! I stubbed my toe!

The second tidbit may convince you there are worse things than being infertile. Like being stupid. A lesbian I knew in grad school contacted me because she’s starting a new job and wanted to ask some questions. In the course of conversation, she revealed that she is pregnant with twins. Her partner, meanwhile….is pregnant…with twins. I didn’t ask how the HELL this came to pass. I can imagine all kinds of scenarios, but the most plausible ones involve someone being unethical somewhere. I mean, it’s got to be IUI at the least, right? ‘Cause everyone who has twins has them via ART, right? So there’s got to be an RE in there somewhere, and what RE would agree to inseminate both members of a couple? What the FUUUUUUCK!!!!*

I swear, my claim that these people are stupid doesn’t just stem from envy that this ho bag gets FOUR babies. Because, honestly, four babies + no partner who hasn’t just been through childbirth + new job = nothing to be jealous about. Except babies.

Speaking of babies, have I mentioned how much I HATE waiting around to have a shot at conception? This morning I was trying to trick myself into a more positive view by thinking things like, A year from now I’ll either be pregnant or be on my second round of IVF. Since I’ve lived so much of my life thinking about a year from now (a year from now I’ll be…in grad school / finished with coursework / defending my dissertation / going on the job market / coming up for tenure…) this does make the time seem shorter. I mean, I’m already planning plenty of things that will take place a year from now. On the other hand, I know from experience that a year from now I could be in some all new hell. I could be without a uterus. I could be having another surgery. I could be dealing with miscarriage. So I don’t mean to tempt the fates by pretending I know what the options are. HEAR THAT, FATES? I guess I just mean…MOMMY! Waiting around to have a chance at pregnancy SUCKS!

*Those of you with more generous natures will probably come up with explanations that totally make sense and don’t require anyone to be stupid OR unethical. I’m just a jerk.

12 Comments Post a comment
  1. Al #

    LOL! I love the "MOMMY!" tidbit, that's hysterical. Mommmmmy, infertility SUCKS!!And your friend that's pregnant with twins whose partner is pregnant with twins?! Seriously, what the CRAP!? That's insanely stupid. Who would do that?I hope a year from now things look much much different. hang in there.

    March 16, 2010
  2. Funny!!!!The only same-sex conception story I know is when my friend S. convinced her boyfriend to father her lesbian friend's baby (already: WTF? right?). Anyways, how generous of her… and so she collected her man's sperm, drove it over to her friend's house, and helped her friend and her friend's partner insert it with a turkey baster. Yeah, it worked. But then the friend ended up dying while she was pregnant. Not kidding.

    March 16, 2010
  3. JB #

    The oddest story I'd heard about same-sex parents (before your lesbo-quad tale) was about Cat Cora and her partner, who each underwent IVF with each other's embryos (Cat carried her partner's, and vice versa). I think they were pregnant at different times, though. But really, two sets of twins at the same time? That is textbook stupid. I mean, if you want to hedge your bets with fertility treatments (because surely some sort of ovulation induction [Clomid, injectables] and IUI or IVF was at play here), perhaps just don't use the shotgun approach and go for it all at once? Because nature has a sick sense of humor.Mommy, that's stupid!Oh, and my verification word is "ainger." Yep.

    March 16, 2010
  4. FOUR kids. In diapers. In day care. In college. AT THE SAME TIME. Holy shit buckets of money, Batman. (Um, no thank you…and no offense to mommies of quads intended.)I remember a similar story from a couple of years ago, about lesbian mamas who both had twins ON THE SAME DAY. ( I think I remember in the Cat Cora situation (or at least in one of their pregnancies), that eggs of both partners were used, so when they transferred the embryos…they have no idea whose actually implanted. And they don't want to know, which I think is pretty neat. But maybe I have a skewed definition of "neat." I hear you on the whole milestone thing, Bunny. I've tried to quit that cold turkey. No more projections for me, I say. (Until next month, probably. Sigh.)

    March 16, 2010
  5. Two sets of twins at once would be completely crazy! All of that and a new job, she must be a glutten for punishment. I like your whole " in one year" way of thinking. I might borrow it.

    March 16, 2010
  6. Four babies. Stupidest idea ever. Unless they play to give a few away. I made a joke that I'd sell off a few multiples to pay for college for the rest. It was a rotten joke, for sure, but it kept my mom from ever asking about fertility treatments again. I'm pretty sure she still thinks I mean it.I went to the most amazing wedding about two years ago where the bride was given away by two mommies. Later at the reception, the bride talked a lot about having two moms and I could say, I felt a pang of jealously that I didn't have more than one. Also, thinking of naming the other ovary to be fair. She's left out of the conversation and in theory, just because she might not contribute, doesn't mean that if a magical unicorn led by a blind Tibetan monk gingerly picks up her egg and carries it on a bed of angel tears to the other tube that she won't contribute to plan baby.

    March 16, 2010
  7. Mommy, that's one effed up situation! The only non-stupid/ethical explanation I can think of is that one of the preggos got pregnant with an ex (male or female, I guess), broke up, didn't realize she was pregnant, got together with current partner, went through treatments, it worked first shot, and they found out the other was already pregnant too.But that totally didn't happen.

    March 16, 2010
  8. Oh mommy, that's screwed up! Who is going to take care of the other one when they are (both) recovering from c-sections (that they most likely will have b/c of the twins)? Geez, people have quadruplets all the time nowadays, but usually they have a partner who isn't mind-numbingly exhausted from labor to help out. And who's paying the bills while they're all home? Wow.Why on earth would anyone EVER do that on purpose?

    March 16, 2010
  9. Waiting does totally suck. I feel you there. I hope you are able to cycle soon. That is pretty cute that they didn't understand the term mommy and how they interpreted it. Also, totally unfair that that couple gets four babies. Though Kat cora the iron chef is in a lesbian relationship. They donated eggs for each other and got pregnant at the same time.

    March 16, 2010
  10. JC #

    Wow that's crazy! I agree with the others, who in the hell is going to take care them. That would suck to have your partner be pregnant, and deliver twins too! And both be on maternity leave. Even both being pregnant, shit they'll probably kill each other, lol. 😉 The "MOMMY" thing was really funny!

    March 17, 2010
  11. Oh boy if you don't laugh then you'd just get angry and scream "Mommy" all day long.They were funny stories, and the weird thing is that they wernt really stories were they… they were the truth! crazyinesss….4 babies! I wouldn't have been able to resist asking her how this happened. I'm sure she'll get that question A LOT for the rest of her life. She'll probably be able to sell her story to the womans magazines and make a fortune, and a fortune is exactly what she'll need to bring up 4 babies together!

    March 17, 2010
  12. Four babies. Sheesh. There’s that ole’ lightning, striking twice and at two separate uteri. I agree, doesn’t seem right (and though I don’t envy their sleep schedules over the next 2 years I DO envy them the goods). That’s funny about “Mommy” – can you imagine going in for a wanding and shouting at the tech, “Mommy, that hurts like a m—erf—er!”?I’m sorry that you are in this holding pattern right now. I think you are dealing with it remarkably well. Waiting is just sucky. Like you I’ve spent so long saying, “By this time next year…” I’ve been trying not to do that. I’m not very successful at it (either the accuracy of the prognoses OR the attempt not to make them).

    March 17, 2010

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