My it’s warm! And I ain’t talkin’ ’bout the weather.
First, I wanted to thank you all for articulating your thoughts on my last post. There was an awful lot of very beautiful and moving stuff in there and I found it comforting (’cause I’m the one who needs to be comforted, don’t you know) and touching. (Twangy’s news has since been posted on LFCA–I’m not sure why I felt delicate about outing her yesterday–I mean, how offensive can offers of sympathy really be? Hopefully not too offensive.)
But now I’ll try to distract you with some assorted…stuff.
Until today, Lupron had resulted in no menopause-like side effects. Perhaps because the side effects it causes are highly likely to go unnoticed. I mean, mood swings? Like I would even recognize one–my mood has been swinging for at least a year. I suppose if Lupron made me really cheerful I’d notice, but…it hasn’t. Anyways, today: hot flashes. I AM SO HOT. Oh…no…I’m actually fine. HOT. Fine. HOT. Just like when on Clomid, they started in the dead of night and woke me up so I could enjoy being drenched in sweat. Mmmmm…feels so good.
Yesterday evening I attended the reception for people nominated for the teaching award I told you about. The university president made a speech that brought tears to my eyes. (Or maybe it was the glass of wine and the fact that I somehow ended up SURROUNDED BY PREGNANT WOMEN. Seriously, they were drawn to me like moons to Jupiter. And stood there, rubbing their bellies with glazed looks on their faces.) She asked us to think back to the person who’d made a difference in our lives, maybe set us on the path to academia. The person who inspired us, encouraged us, led us to believe in ourselves. Now you are that person, she said. Weeeep! I guess those are the moments that help me when things seem so dark. The knowledge that just by showing a little enthusiasm at the right moment, you can genuinely make someone’s life better. Of course, I’d rather have a baby than make people’s lives better.
Another thing that makes me feel better in times of sorrow is…squirrels. I love squirrels. Below is a photo taken from my office window. As you can see, there’s a wonderfully tall tree that stretches all the way up to the sixth floor. And it brings the squirrels to me. After posting yesterday, I looked out my window and watched a squirrel sitting on a branch so far above the bustling world, buffeted by wind, just going about its life. The sight brought me a little peace.