This weekend the BFB family came over for tea. I was sitting across the table from BFB, and at some point I realized that every time she looked lovingly down at her child, or kissed her, or stroked her face, she would then look up at me. Gaze lovingly into Jane’s eyes. Look at Bunny. Tenderly stroke Jane’s head. Look at Bunny. I tried avoiding her eyes, but I could feel her continuing to do it. Now, I’m guessing what was going on in her universe was something like, Bunny and I enjoy cooing over this baby, so by looking at her I’m encouraging her to share in the baby experience. But what it felt like on my end was, See me lovin’ on my fine specimen of babyhood? Oh, I bet it makes you feel soooo bad that you have no baby to kiss, like I’m kissing this one! Look, I just gazed into my baby’s eyes! Don’t you wish you had a baby whose eyes you could gaze into? Smug. Self important. Looking for signs that I was about to burst into tears…
Not being a paranoid crazy person, I DO realize that this was all in my pretty little head. I’m not sure why my head was so crazy. Could be that I haven’t had a real night’s sleep in a month, and then there’s the part where I get gutted like a fish in a few days. Maybe I’ve got my reasons. Maybe this is just a normal part of the my-best-friend-has-a-baby-and-I’m-a-defective-husk experience. Whatever.
Moving ON! My best birthday present was…an overlock machine! Mr. Bunny got it for me. What the fuck is that, you ask? An overlock machine creates nice finished seams (like the ones you find on t-shirts and such, with the loops of thread whipped over the edges). I’ve wanted one for a long time, but never thought I actually deserved it. And now I do. Have one, that is. It remains to be seen whether or not I deserve it