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PARTY TIME!

My preop visit was AWESOME! First, the Lupron did the job. My RE was practically jumping up and down with delight at the shrinkage in my fibroids. I was quite anxious that he’d want me to do another month of it and that my surgery would be pushed back. But no, I am GOOD TO GO! In addition, I asked him to recap our game plan going forward, and it turns out my timeline has gotten better, not worse!

I love my doctor, but he is complete shit at communication. Every time I’ve asked him about this timeline, he’s told me something different. First it was surgery, then IVF as soon as I recovered. Then it was surgery, eight weeks of recovery, then six months to a year of what he referred to as regular intimacy (Not sure if that means intimacy regularly, or regular old intimacy as opposed to ART, but either way it cracks me up.), then IVF. That resulted in  weeping meltdown. Today it was surgery, three months of recovery, then three months during which we can either engage in some smokin’ hot regular intimacy…OR do IUI! I was like, what the fuuuuuck? But whatever. The important point is that IVF just got three months closer.

So that’s pretty rad. As I sit here (listening to my guts churn guts as my bowel prep does its glorious work) contemplating getting cut open tomorrow, mainly I’m feeling excited. Here’s what it sounds like in my head. It’s going to be fiiiiiiiiine. A few days of grogginess and bad pain in the scary old hospital, a few more days of grogginess and moderate pain at home, a week of mild pain, a week of discomfort, a few weeks of needing to take it easy…no big deal! A blink of the eye in the context of my whole life. And after the worst is over, I’ll be able to revel in the fact that I’m on the road to recovery, counting down the weeks until this old uterus is BACK IN ACTION!

But because I am me, anxiety does keep intruding. Here’s what that sounds like: I’m going to diiiiiiiiiiiiiie! Even if I don’t actually die, I’m going to wake up to be told all my reproductive bits are in some biohazard bag of hospital waste, headed for the incinerator. I can so vividly imagine my RE’s face and manner as he tells me this. Unfortunately, you were bleeding severely, so we had to perform a hysterectomy to save your life. I’m so sorry. Here he pats my knee. Or even if I still have a uterus, he’ll say, I’m afraid it was worse than anticipated. There will be lots of scar tissue. Your prognosis is grim. There are lots of variations on this scenario, all involving him shaking his head gravely.

I suspect that the first version is more likely, but also that it will be less awesome that I am telling myself. In any event, I’m glad it’s here. I think the hospital has wireless, so in a few days you might get a post that goes something like, im rilly fucked up on morphien.

27 Comments Post a comment
  1. Awesome news about the new timeline! You will be back to baby making so soon, with a new improved ute.2 to get the job done. This is great!I completely understand your anxiety. I was convinced that they were going to puncture a hole in my ute during my d&c (thank you Dr. Google for that one). In fact, the last thing I remember saying before I fell asleep was, "Please don't puncture my uterus," and the very first thing I said to the recovery nurse after waking up was, "Did they puncture my uterus?"And no, they did not puncture my uterus. So you will be fine, too 🙂

    April 22, 2010
  2. please post on morphine. pretty, pretty please.also: yes, you will be fine. i keep telling myself that these procedure that are so scary for the patients are routine for the docs, nurses, etc. just 'cause we only have to do it once doesn't mean they don't have to do it a zillion times. so it stands to reason that they're pretty good at it by now.

    April 22, 2010
  3. I can't wait for your morphine post. I am so confident that everything is going to go perfectly, that I am already feeling sorry for myself for that soon-to-come day when you tell us all regretfully that it is time for you to stop blogging because you have your baby now and are just SOOO over all this crap. Which will be an amazing day for you, and I will be utterly thrilled for you, but I will miss you! You have to promise to come back, even after Jr. is born, and comment on the blogs of us defective husks left in the trenches. OK?????? Promise????

    April 22, 2010
  4. ASP #

    You sound EXACTLY how I was when I was contemplating having a myomectomy. I would go from your first thoughts, to your second thoughts, then back again and again. I chose not to go because the latter thoughts won BUT YOU will be fiiiine! I'm going to be waiting patiently for your first post after surgery. Girl, you're going to do great and before you know it squeezin' a baby out of that vagina of yours and this surgery won't seem like it was anything! How's that to make you feel better?!

    April 22, 2010
  5. JB #

    Opioids: the opiate of the masses.Good luck tomorrow, getting your lady bits shined up. I bet they will be dazzled and delighted at the beauty of your ute, and probably take a picture to use in textbooks to demonstrate a normal control. :)Seriously, good luck, and please DO post while high. It'll be fun to reflect on later.

    April 22, 2010
  6. Woobie-doobie, let the colon cleanse shuffle begin!! I am also confident that you are going to find out what is behind door #1 (though I also understand that every possible worst-case scenario is going through your mind right now).The fact that the calendar has just been compressed is wonderful. Yeah, your doc has an interesting communication style (I think that's true of so many of them, grumble grumble) but the important thing is that this show is getting on the road. Imminently. I second Leslie. I can't wait for the morphine posts either:)

    April 22, 2010
  7. omg, the 'regular intimacy' part is freakin hysterical, bc as i was reading it, i was wondering exactly what that meant – the 1st or the 2nd explanation. again, great minds must think alike :o)the only plus to bowel prep. you'll feel awfully thin as you go to bed, yes? my priorities are obviously tres f*cked up that i get a serious high on the days i feel thinnest. but, beggers cannot be choosers, and i just cling to *anything* that makes me smile these days. altho i'm guessing at this very point in time, you're on the toilet screaming in pain, and not exactly smiling.you're gonna do *great*, and you will not hear any manner of dour news once you wake up from your beauty sleep tomorrow. you're gonna heal quickly, and then as leslie said above, you're gonna tell us sooner than later that you're ditching us all to concentrate on being a mommy. at which point, while i'll be happy for you, i'm also gonna be pissed at you for ditching us :op

    April 22, 2010
  8. Oh happy day. I like progress. Doctors have the attention span of a dog in a field of turds when the haven't actually written down that plan. Yes, textbook procedure and shiny fibriod free uterus is on the menu and ordered. I'm wishing you all sorts of good wishes and fabulous khubla khan drugged up dreams. They use good shit! I will also wish you a speedy recovery! It's on.P.s. Do not think of the wallpaper picture. It will result in a nightmare wher a bouquet will chase you down and barf paper roses on you.

    April 22, 2010
  9. BUNNY! Holy Crap!!!! That new timeline is AWESOME! Best. News. Ever. You are going to be okay. This is good. This will help. BELIEVE my friend. I 110% believe for you. And I will be thinking of you tomorrow and over the weekend as you recover. So much love coming atcha' from Chicago. xo

    April 22, 2010
  10. Bunny,I am thinking of you! I KNOW exactley how you are feeling, as I have those opposing thoughts when thinking about my surgery. You will be fine. You are strong, healthy and you will recover quickly. I will be following every word……Much luck & ((hugs))Gurlee 🙂

    April 22, 2010
  11. JB #

    I wonder if "regular" intimacy means missionary-style, with no gag-balls or naughty-pool-boy-role-playing or anything on urbandictionary.com — why's that doctor gotta cramp your style? 🙂

    April 22, 2010
  12. You'll be FINE! Actually, you'll be better than fine because you'll be post-myomectomy. I'll be thinking of you, especially because the phrase "regular intimacy" has just colonized my lifeworld. Thanks for that! 🙂

    April 22, 2010
  13. If that colon cleanse doesn't crack your shit up, the above comments surely will. Mountains of good luck tomorrow, Bunny! I feel dang confident that all will go well. Uterus Redux, here you come! I know you will obviously have other priorities when you get your fancy ass back home, but I'd really appreciate if you'd check in with us and let us know how things went. 'CAUSE WE NEED TO KNOW THESE THINGS, BUNNY. A big hug, a high-five, and a couple of jazz hands to you, my friend!

    April 22, 2010
  14. Yay! Lupron worked! And you're going in for surgery tomorrow! And your timeline got moved up 3 months! See? You are now switching lanes towards the fast-track side of the IF highway. Excuse me while I slow down to let you in ahead of me. (Wave.)

    April 22, 2010
  15. Woohoooo you are hitting the fast lane, Bunny! eeeeexcellent. Best wishes for the surgery. You will be fiiiiine. Everything will go very smoothly and you will have fresh sparkly girly bits ready for action! Excite!Another who can't wait for the morphine post.

    April 22, 2010
  16. Al #

    Best of luck for your surgery tomorrow. And cannot wait for you post on morphine.

    April 22, 2010
  17. JC #

    Good luck!!! I agree, please DO post on morphine!!! And the new timeline is awesome! =)

    April 23, 2010
  18. It's finally surgery time! I hope things go amazingly well and that you're back at home, having super HOT relations in no time. Good luck!

    April 23, 2010
  19. OHMYGOSH. See, time can speed up for you too, you just need an RE that changes his mind all the time!!!!!!I am right here with you on the freaking out train and although I am busy crappy myself about my own dramas I can somehow find it easier to look at your situation and tell you things are going to be ok. I guess we never really want to trust the voices in our own heads but are generally more trusting of the voices from other peoples heads. Anyway, I am so thinking of you right now girlfriend and I know its scary but hey! how cool is it that the Lupron did its thing so well! (makes those hot flushes seem a little more worthwhile!). I am sitting here crossing all I can for you and am going to be checking your blog at least 5 million times over the next few days so I don't miss that morphine post. Drugs are definitely the best part about hospital stays!! xxxxx x xxx x

    April 23, 2010
  20. Wow wow! Good, good! GOOD. This is all REALLY EXCELLENT. See you on the other side, with new improved super-charged fertility! All will be well, bunny.

    April 23, 2010
  21. hi bunny – i woke up this morning and the first thing i said was "it's bunny's surgery today". to which dh said "what?? who??". and i just gave him a dirty *ugh, do you know ANYTHING??* look. heehee.you're gonna do great today. wishing you mucho lucko, and i can't wait for those drug-induced comments either! *bug hugs*

    April 23, 2010
  22. Just thinking of you this morning. Can't wait to hear how great it went!

    April 23, 2010
  23. Thinking of you today – I hope it all goes perfectly, perfectly well, and that the drugs are kinda fun.

    April 23, 2010
  24. I am glad the timeline sounds much better this time around. I know it is easier said than done but try to relax. I always told myself before any surgery that my only job is to fall asleep and then wake up. Easy. You have done that thousaands of times. I know all will go well tomorrow.

    April 23, 2010
  25. Bunny– it is now 2:18 p.m. on Friday. Are you in recovery on Morphine? If so, please do tell…. :)Thinking of you, and I can't wait to hear your progress report (stoned or otherwise).

    April 23, 2010
  26. Yea for the lupron doing it's job! I hope that the surgery went well and that you are ok. I am more of your second scenario of emotions.

    April 23, 2010
  27. Such great news about the revised timeline! What a relief that must be! Hope the surgery went well (sorry I'm late to the party) – please keep us posted on how you are doing!

    April 23, 2010

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