Good news, everyone!
(Said in the voice of Professor Farnsworth, of course.) My infertility is totally SOLVED. Turns out I didn’t need surgery or IUI or anything more than…….this VIKING RUNE CANDLE.
This delightful object was presented to me by the woman I mentioned a while back who I thought maybe could be my real life IF friend. It reads, The rune of success puts something you have been striving for within your grasp. I had two opposing reactions to this gift. On the one hand, I was genuinely touched. A gift from a woman who’s been through hell, that acknowledges the yearning of my heart…really sweet. For someone like her to say I hope you get what you want…it made me tear up for sure. And it’s not like I’m above believing in charms or signs. I think even the most rational of us can’t help but look for messages that things will go our way. On the other hand, there are a couple of features of the VIKING RUNE CANDLE that I am not so excited about. First, the self confidence message. Little did I know that conception was just a question of confidence. If only I’d belieeeeeeeved in myself all those months ago! And then there’s the fact that it’s a VIKING RUNE CANDLE, for fuck’s sake.
In an oddly symmetrical turn of events, I learned today that the dear friend from grad school who miscarried in January is pregnant again. She’s only a few weeks in, so of course I’m terrified for her. But also…god, I’m total scum for having this thought, let alone voicing it…I wish she could have waited for me. We’ll be at this conference in Germany together and I was looking forward to commiserating a bit. I’d allowed myself to visualize drinking some beers and talking about the heartbreak of the empty womb. I know this moment of left-behindness will pass quickly, and I hope you guys will forgive me, a lucky, lucky girl who has honest-to-goodness reasons for optimism (not to mention a VIKING RUNE CANDLE), for even having it at all.