The end of an era
Today I’ll be taking my last oxy.codone. Isn’t it beautiful? For the past…um…WEEK I’ve been taking it pretty much recreationally. That is, I don’t need it at all for the pain, but it’s given me such a lovely, warm, cozy feeling. I’ll miss you, oxy!
In addition, tonight Mr. Bunny will be rejoining me in the marital bed. He’s been sleeping in the guest room since I got home from the hospital. I suppose it makes me a huge asshole, but I’m not excited to have him back. He’s a super loud snorer and tends to toss and turn a lot. (I’m a quiet snorer and only toss and turn a little.) It will be an adjustment. I probably shouldn’t have arranged things so that I’m coming off my nice mellowing drug at the same time. I anticipate several days of extreme crankiness.
Finally, my ovaries hurt. I’ve been having some pinging on both sides that is now primarily localized to the right side. (Please don’t waste all your turns, right side! I’m going to need you later!) And I’ve been feeling a certain…how do you say…HORNYNESS. In fact, last night I had an orgasm in my sleep. If you’ve never experienced this, it’s…odd. It wakes you up. This time it extra woke me up because my uterus is not supposed to be contracting, and it HURT. I know I’m supposed to be on pelvic rest, but I guess I just can’t control myself, horn dog that I am. So anyways, I think my lady parts might be coming online again. (Though I’m still having fucking hot flashes, estrogen patch notwithstanding.)
In general, I feel like I’m moving back into something akin to normal life. I’ve been thinking over the things y’all have said about taking advantage of this break. I would love to try to be happy-ish. I’d love to restore my sense of self-worth, my enjoyment of life. (You know, to the extent that I ever enjoyed life.) Maybe I can even achieve some scholarly productivity! (Speaking of which, we’re about to analyze the data for the project that’s been going on while I’ve been wallowing in misery. Please please please please let there be something publishable in there.)
But I also feel like I need to DO something to set this new state in motion. Anyone got any advice about how to flip the psychological switch that will transform the next two months from TTC break into fun time?