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The end of an era

Today I’ll be taking my last oxy.codone. Isn’t it beautiful? For the past…um…WEEK I’ve been taking it pretty much recreationally. That is, I don’t need it at all for the pain, but it’s given me such a lovely, warm, cozy feeling. I’ll miss you, oxy!

In addition, tonight Mr. Bunny will be rejoining me in the marital bed. He’s been sleeping in the guest room since I got home from the hospital. I suppose it makes me a huge asshole, but I’m not excited to have him back. He’s a super loud snorer and tends to toss and turn a lot. (I’m a quiet snorer and only toss and turn a little.) It will be an adjustment. I probably shouldn’t have arranged things so that I’m coming off my nice mellowing drug at the same time. I anticipate several days of extreme crankiness.

Finally, my ovaries hurt. I’ve been having some pinging on both sides that is now primarily localized to the right side. (Please don’t waste all your turns, right side! I’m going to need you later!) And I’ve been feeling a certain…how do you say…HORNYNESS. In fact, last night I had an orgasm in my sleep. If you’ve never experienced this, it’s…odd. It wakes you up. This time it extra woke me up because my uterus is not supposed to be contracting, and it HURT. I know I’m supposed to be on pelvic rest, but I guess I just can’t control myself, horn dog that I am. So anyways, I think my lady parts might be coming online again. (Though I’m still having fucking hot flashes, estrogen patch notwithstanding.)

In general, I feel like I’m moving back into something akin to normal life. I’ve been thinking over the things y’all have said about taking advantage of this break. I would love to try to be happy-ish. I’d love to restore my sense of self-worth, my enjoyment of life. (You know, to the extent that I ever enjoyed life.) Maybe I can even achieve some scholarly productivity! (Speaking of which, we’re about to analyze the data for the project that’s been going on while I’ve been wallowing in misery. Please please please please let there be something publishable in there.)

But I also feel like I need to DO something to set this new state in motion. Anyone got any advice about how to flip the psychological switch that will transform the next two months from TTC break into fun time?

17 Comments Post a comment
  1. Hooorayyy for the horniness and normalness!! I hope the next two months are total fun for you and Mr. Bunny.

    May 7, 2010
  2. Ha, yeah, I do have wet dreams too! Usually only if it's been a little while since having sex. Hopefully you don't remember what you were dreaming about, abut if you do, hopefully it wasn't embarrassing! I usually am dreaming that I am with E (isn't it nice that I'm loyal even in my sleep?) but a friend of mine had a dream about Fred Savage… she's still in recovery.As for your project, I really hope there are some breakthrough results in there! And if not, well, 'If you torture the data long enough, it will admit to anything'!

    May 7, 2010
  3. Glad you're enjoying your legal drugs so much :). I used to get so talkative when taking perc.ocet – as soon as it kicked in, I'd feel like calling all my friends and family up for a chat :). The unfortunate thing was that it would take away the pain for about 2 hours, but then I'd be staring at the ceiling the rest of the night, so I usually had to choose b/w pain relief and sleep. Which sucked. I wish I had some brilliant ideas for your fun/break time. Alcohol should probably be involved to some extent, but beyond that…

    May 7, 2010
  4. hahaha, i've O'd in my sleep as well. it's really embarrassing, esp if it's not your hubby in the dream! eeek, fred savage would freak me out. one time i had a lesbian dream and asked dh if that means i might be BI, and he said it just means we should have a 3some. he was kidding. i think … ?yaay for mr bunny joining you back in bed. you can catch up on your snuggles. unless you don't like snuggles?? bunny's snuggle, don't they?

    May 7, 2010
  5. Fred Savage? In my head he will always be 8 years old, a la The Princess Bride. But I guess he must have grown up! My dreams are usually about my male friends–and then I feel weirdly embarrassed and guilty around them the next day. Bunny, this is going to sound really hippy-dippy, but I think you need to mark this time ("flip the psychological switch," as you put it) with a ceremony of some kind. Don't worry, I'm not going to recommend whipping out the Viking Rune Candle–but the idea is newness, right? Maybe a weekend away? Something you've never done before. If it was me, and I had the funds for it, I would shut my eyes and point to a spot on the map about 2 or 3 hours' drive away, then go there for the weekend. Stay in the best place you can find and do all of the cheesy tourist stuff. When you get back you will be the New Bunny. Surgery and suckitude will be on the other side of that weekend.

    May 7, 2010
  6. I think that driven people (and I count myself in this group) are particularly bad at down time. It's not in our wiring. It just feels strange. So even while we do it, we always have one eye on when we get to stop doing it. (Sloth, I don't have a problem with…just, I dunno, CONSTRUCTIVE rest). But channeling that energy into, you know, doing science…now that makes a lot of sense. Imagine how happy you'd be to come off the bench with an article in your back pocket.Sorry that you're seeing the Oxy go. Enjoy that last recreational ride around the paddock. And good luck tonight. I always sleep better when I sleep alone/have my own space. Which is not to say that my husband is not a LOVELY person and bedfellow. Just that I think we need to invest in a king sized bed. (And the fact that your lady bits are bouncing back is, I would think, very, very good…Biology. She will not be ignored!)

    May 7, 2010
  7. So, it was about 10 days that you were takin' the oxys? I am sooo ready to start popping those babies, in fact I contemplate it nightly to deal with the pre-surgery anxiety. (I still have some left over from the lap).So happy to hear you are starting to feel normal! I know time off is difficult, but you can't change it so why not do all the things you wouldn't do when TTC. Like, umm, drink? (I sound like a substance abuser here) And anything else you would deprive yourself from. Life may change significantly in a few short months, so try to embrace the alone time.I guess this isn't a very tangible response but its what I got.O'ing in sleep, oh yeah! Been there, its odd, but fun, right? I forgot to ask about sex post surgery, how long is it forbidden?

    May 7, 2010
  8. [Dramatic music]. A perfect storm of horny-ness, crankiness, withdrawal symptoms and insomnia gathers over the Bunnies' house. Will they survive the weekend? (Not really.)Re: fun, there's always the wonderful time of reading an famously unreadable Irish novel, right? Right, bunny? Bunny, come back!

    May 7, 2010
  9. Oh, I wish I could tell you how to flip the switch. Can you go get a fancy spa treatment? Something about taking an afternoon to splurge, breathe deeply, feel relaxed for a bit…I always come out of it totally refreshed and recharged. (The trick, of course, is getting that feeling to last!)I love that you're getting your body back…tho it does completely suck that something you're not even consciously *doing* (sleep orgasm!) can physically hurt. That just sucks!I think you sound pretty darn good and I am loving it.

    May 7, 2010
  10. I wish I could help you flip the switch. I do like the suggestions of weekends away and spa treatments though.

    May 7, 2010
  11. JC #

    I like the suggestion for weekend trip or spa treatments. I had a spa day a while ago and it was SOOOOO nice. My first time =). I also recommend drinking, fun, and forbidden when you do get pregnant. =)

    May 8, 2010
  12. I think Adele nailed it. People like us mainly have to survive the downtime – but, hey, spa it up!Congratulations on a nice big step forward!

    May 8, 2010
  13. So glad your starting to feel normal and good again! I hope you are able to enjoy your break.

    May 8, 2010
  14. bunny, let's explore the joys of a break together. We'll send each other "just relax" vibes every morning (after doing those bizarre ovarian exercises of Adele's) and then we'll frolic through a field or something and string flowers through our hair. That should work.I haven't had a sex dream like that in so long. I always felt so embarrassed afterward.

    May 8, 2010
  15. Glad your body is feeling like yours again. I hope you can find some great ways to pass the time during this break – I like the suggestions of a little getaway, but I know you already have a lot of trips planned for work…maybe a day at a local spa?I had to laugh about hubby coming back to bed with you. B is a big snorer and sometimes it's nice when he's away on business – I sleep like a baby!

    May 9, 2010
  16. Hey bunnyJust catching up on your posts. Yay to sleeping orgasms! That made me laugh, and feel a little embarrased at the same time as I know exactly what they are like! In regards to finding super ways to turn a forced break into fun I really don't think there is one… I know that sounds horrible but I think the fun part really sneaks up on you and there is no way to actually make it happen any earlier than it's secret plan decides. So although you may start out frustrated that you are stuck in a no-where land for a few months I think that a calm will resonate over you in time and you'll wake up one day and think "it's here! I'm almost having fun! where did that come from?". The nagging feeling never goes away but it does hide for longer periods at a time so you just got to have your fun while it's hiding I guess. So pleased your recovery is progressing so well. xxx

    May 12, 2010
  17. People think it's super weird when I reveal that my husband and I sleep on two QUEEN beds pushed together. One queen for me, one for him. A king would probably work, but we have 2 queens – so queens it is. And IT IS AWESOME.

    September 21, 2010

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