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In which I complain about my best friend some more, ’cause that’s how I roll

BFB came over yesterday. The moment she got in the door, she thrust something at me and was like, Make me some of this. I looked down at the object in my hand. It was a packet of Nursing Tea. To promote lactation.

FUCK YOU, I thought to myself, while dutifully making her tea. It’s not like I can ever forget that she is hella fecund, but does she have to rub my nose in it? I wish I could find some I Have a Tenure Track Job and You Don’t Despite Years on the Job Market Tea, so I could flounce into her house and tell her to make me some.

20 Comments Post a comment
  1. JB #

    Meh. Fertile friend FAIL.

    June 25, 2010
  2. Wow, can I have some of the "I Have a Tenure Track Job and You Don't Despite Years on the Job Market" tea? Is it made with lots of vodka? Seriously, I am sorry she doesn't "get it". I hope you have a great weekend!

    June 25, 2010
  3. AL #

    Seriously? I'm surprised that she's so…oblivious to how shitty that is. She just doesn't get it. Perhaps if you run to her house with your fertility meds and order her to shoot you in the ass with them (if that time ever comes)? Perhaps then she'll get it.Sorry, bunny.

    June 25, 2010
  4. UUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH. Did she stop for one second to think that? Sorry, Bunny, that's frustrating. I really like Al's suggestion of asking her to give you a shot in the butt and see how she feels then.

    June 25, 2010
  5. ASP #

    Super shitty. You should have told her to go milk her udders somewhere else.

    June 25, 2010
  6. I would have accidentally served her "Smooth Move" laxative tea. Just cuz I'm bitter like that.

    June 25, 2010
  7. fertile people… what asshats. lol

    June 25, 2010
  8. BWAHAHAHA! I think the Tenure-Track Tea comes with extra bitterness.

    June 25, 2010
  9. I think tenure track tea tastes sweeeeet. At least she could have said it was something else. I'd have that shit in some other package myself. I have a new product for you, though. "Infertili-tea." which is a lot like a long island kind, and not the kind with and healthful benefits. Or maybe it comes with amnesiatic side effects. Mmmm.

    June 25, 2010
  10. cgd #

    I am all for Al's suggestion of bringing meds to her house next time you are cycling. I just cannot understand what some people are thinking. Is it possible to that clueless?

    June 25, 2010
  11. Um, I'm Katie – Smooth Move would have been the way to go. The NERVE of some people.

    June 25, 2010
  12. I meant to say I'm "with" Katie…not I'm Katie. Duh.

    June 25, 2010
  13. why couldn't she have waited until she got home to have her freakin tea??? perhaps you could've said "we have no water today, sorry".

    June 25, 2010
  14. Oh my, that is beyond insensitive bad BFB bad!!!I, on the other hand, being a super-sensitive friend, would have just handed you a bottle of fancy liquor.Tenure Track Tea sounds awesome. I also love Misfits idea – I think we have found ourselves a new cocktail, ladies!

    June 25, 2010
  15. Gah, I can't believe she did that. So rude.

    June 26, 2010
  16. 😦 bunny. Maybe she should put her baby on her breast to promote nursing, I imagine that probably works better than sipping "I can make babies and you can't" tea.xxx

    June 26, 2010
  17. Oh no! Best Friend, come ON. But your Career Tea is funny. I am visualizing a whole line of them.. I Can Sleep As Much As I Like Tea, My Shirt Is Vomit-Free Tea?

    June 26, 2010
  18. Hey Bunny I just gotta ask? Are you facilitating BFB's behaviour? Are you telling her any of how you really really feel? Or does she think you're fine with everything?If your answer is "no", the BFB is failing at best friending BIGTIME. If "yes", then stop it grrrl. Tell her. Give her the chance to be sensitive to your feelings.x

    June 26, 2010
  19. Ugh. I dunno, Bunny. I think I might have dumped it on her head (letting it first come to room temperature, of course). My guess? Her thinking is that it's only a matter of time before the shoe is on the other food and she's, er, facilitating your own lactation.

    June 26, 2010
  20. You ladies crack me up! I might have dumped the tea on her head too. 🙂

    June 26, 2010

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