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Dear Pituitary

I know I take you for granted, despite your critical importance to my functioning. I mean, you’re no brain stem or anything, but I genuinely do appreciate all your hard work. I don’t say it often enough. But here’s the thing. I really need you to work with me this month. Our LH surge has GOT to come on Sunday. You see, while you might not have noticed, our husband is traveling, and won’t be home till Sunday evening. So if you send the surge early, we’ll miss our shot. And if you send it any later than Sunday, we’ll either be relying on the milkshake approach (thanks for that delicious imagery, Misfit), or be all fucked up by our international travel. I know, you think I should just let the sperm fall where they may, and not stress about this one cycle. But that’s because you’re just a FUCKING GLAND, not a desperate, miserable women who has been driven completely wild by cohabitating with an infant for several days.

Woah. Sorry about that, Pitty. I guess I’m a little on edge.

So like I was saying, hows about Sunday for that LH surge? It’s day twelve, which used to be our day quite reliably. And I know you’ve been to hell and back with all the general anesthesia and the crazy-ass hormones, so you might be feeling a bit…uncooperative. But let me put it to you this way. If you don’t comply, you’re increasing the chances that I’ll soon be forced to bring out some serious fucking hormonal guns. You’ll basically lose control of our reproductive processes. You don’t want that, do you?

I mean, forgive the scare tactics, but things are getting pretty bad around here.

What’s that you say? It doesn’t matter in the slightest when you trigger the surge because no amount of perfect timing will get me pregnant? To be honest, I agree with you, but if you get me all stressed that just means a shitload of adrenocorticotropic hormone production on your end. So let’s work together to serve both our best interests, m’kay?

Yours,
Bunny

22 Comments Post a comment
  1. barfingrainbowsandunicorns #

    I hope your pituitary gets with the program. 🙂

    July 15, 2010
  2. ASP #

    Yeah, that bizzo better cooperate with you. Wait till you see the pictures I have of the inside of my guts and those fibroids. They're great. I need to have R scan them so I can get them on the ol' blog. I'm doing fine. Today I feel about 85% and am soooo ready to stop laying around. I'm gonna have a flat ass if I keep this resting stuff up! 😉 Here's to some ovulation! Cheery-O!

    July 15, 2010
  3. JB #

    Dear Bunny's Pituitary:We the above- and under-signed hereby ORDER you to cooperate and permit day 12 ovulation as scheduled, or else. Or else what, you ask? EXACTLY.Hugs and Kisses,Friends of BP.S. I look forward to Amber's meatball pics….

    July 15, 2010
  4. Bunny, this might be your funniest post ever. And that is saying something. C'moooooooooon, Pitty. CD12 surge surge surge!

    July 15, 2010
  5. AL #

    haha, great post bunny. Come on, Pitty, get your sh!t together and surge on CD12! We know you can do it1

    July 15, 2010
  6. Ha ha ha!!! Yes, dear old Pitty! She's a bitch, but she's a classy bitch…

    July 15, 2010
  7. You're amazingly funny! C'mon, Pitty. Surge!

    July 15, 2010
  8. I hope she listens and you get your surge. I wish I could have mine on day 12 lol.

    July 16, 2010
  9. Oh Bunny, how I hope you get your surge on Sunday. Your plea was very persuasive. Can you pen a quick note to my fallobian tubes?

    July 16, 2010
  10. wah hahahahahahaha!Pitty!Oh my law, Bunny. There should be an AWARD for this one!Here is to the best choreographed ovulation you ever did see.

    July 16, 2010
  11. Mmmm…milkshakes, meatballs, GLANDS. Here's hoping that Sunday is brought to you by the letter "O", Bunny. DO YER JOB, PITTY!

    July 16, 2010
  12. I am pulling for your pituitary to do the right thing. And I am going back to educate myself as to the efficacy of milkshakes:)

    July 16, 2010
  13. PS: Ewwwwwwwwww:)

    July 16, 2010
  14. Coercing a gland, this is a first, even for you Bunny. Oh, and remind me to never, ever get on your bad side. You're kinda scary. Pituitary gland, I'd listen if I were you. Bunny means business.

    July 16, 2010
  15. wouldn't it be nice if we got refridgerate our husbands' sperm and just use a turkey baster to inseminate ourselves at ovulation time? dear bunny's pituitary – bunny needs some baby bunnies real soon (pref twin boyws), so please oblige us all and get her knocked up!!!

    July 16, 2010
  16. You're hilarious :). Pep talks obviously aren't enough for our bodies, we have to resort to threats!Hope the big O happens on time! No sooner…no later!

    July 16, 2010
  17. O my god that is funny. I hope to hell she listens, because I think you laid out a really good argument, even without the threatening part.And the threatening part? That was pretty scarily convincing, too.

    July 16, 2010
  18. I know ewwwww! Pituitary gland is on notice. I expect compliance or else. I'm pleased to see my husband's colorful world of fertility euphemisms grossing other people out. I won't tell him, otherwise he'll start writing for me.

    July 16, 2010
  19. A few cycles ago when I was on the 'mid, my RE told me that if I didn't surge by CD16, I should come in for a trigger shot. Literally, the morning of CD16, I was in the shower talking to my body going, "Listen – I need you to surge this afternoon, girlfriend, because if you don't, we have to go to the Dr's office and shell out some money to get poked in the stomach with a needle, and you just don't want that."I surged two hours later, no joke. I'll bet it would've been even quicker had I appealed directly to Pitty!

    July 16, 2010
  20. ewwwww to the milkshake alright! I hope the gland is listening, and nice idea to bring out the threats of the big gun drugs, scare tactics should have serious convincing power, surely.And I get it. I get that even though you'll have another chance next month its crucial to not waste the chance this month too. Its such a small window and watching one go by wasted is so fucking terrible. My mother always taught me not to waste stuff so maybe thats why I feel so strongly about this.Crossing everything for you bunny. xxx

    July 17, 2010
  21. Day 12?! Wow, that sounds great. I've hit Day 20 or 22 before–of a cycle that was no longer than 30 or 31 days…So maybe coercion is what's been missing? Brilliant! You, m'lady, are about to be the newest addition to my blogroll.

    July 19, 2010
  22. Way to sock it to 'em. You pituatary should be sufficiently intimidated now. 🙂 Good luck!

    July 21, 2010

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