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Fifth verse, slightly different from the first

During previous IUIs, I didn’t always obey the instructions on my clinic-provided sheet. For example, the sheet says:

  1. NO ALCOHOL. Whatevs. I had a drink now and then up to the insemination day.
  2. Decrease caffeine intake. Whatevs. I drink a latte in the morning. What am I supposed to do–drink half a latte?
  3. No strenuous exercise. Whatevs. I continued my not particularly grueling workout routine until the insemination day. 

But now that IVF is becoming less of a distant possibility and more of a forthcoming reality, I find that I want to do what I can to give this procedure a shot. And it’s not because I want to spare us the expense and the trauma of an IVF cycle. We’ve saved the money, and while I don’t mean to downplay the physical and emotional stresses, I think I can handle it. It’s the fear of reaching the point at which we’ve run out of options. IVF is still that comforting Big Gun right now. Though I know all too well that it’s no miracle solution, it’s still a major source of hope right now, and I don’t know how to handle the prospect of looking forward and seeing nothing to cling to. All the impatience I used to feel is morphing into something else…something more like reluctance.

(Am I jumping the gun here a bit by contemplating this? Yes, but that’s how I work. )

Anyway, I don’t think the failure of IUIs 1-4 had anything to do with those bullet points from my clinic checklist. But, here’s the plan for this cycle:

  2. Decrease caffeine intake. Half a latte.
  3. No strenuous exercise. No strenuous exercise.  

At least I’ll be feeling suuuuuuuuuper good when I get my negative result.

18 Comments Post a comment
  1. Oh, I am so excited for this to WORK. I don't know if those lifestyle changes will be the clincher, but hey, they can't be giving you these instructions for no reason.I also totally understand your fear of not wanting to spend your IVF ticket. It would be very hard to go back to natural conception, with any sense of hope, if a few rounds of IVF hadn't worked. HOWEVER, I do not think it will come to this, for you.

    August 9, 2010
  2. trust me, when you get to ivf, you'll be too scared about all the money you're spending to stray from the rules. you'll follow. every. one. of. them. to. the. letter. and you'll be bloated so quickly that working out will not be high on your list of priorities. sleep and watching tv will go right up there to the to of the list of to-do's.ivf isn't something to be scared of, like you said. i have high hopes for you bunny :o)

    August 9, 2010
  3. ASP #

    STOP about the negative already! I followed all the rules in the beginning and in the end was all like, whatever. I think at that point though, I was tired of trying and putting my [our] lives on hold with this babymakin' business. Gets kind of old after 5 tries, you know? I think it's more of a mental thing "following the rules" because they want you to not blame yourself if you have a cup of coffee or a glass of wine and the end result is a negative. Do what is going to make you feel best in the end and if you need a glass of wine, then one isn't going to hurt. I cannot wait to read your posts during your IVF cycle. You'll probably take being hilarious to whole other level! On another note, I sure am loving being fibroid free right now though…and so is R! 😉 Thank you for being the wind beneath my fibroids! Ha.

    August 9, 2010
  4. I'm with Sienna — the cost and the amount of hope (irrational or not) that you have riding on the ivf make one a very compliant patient. At least that was my experience. And I HATE rules.And Sienna's right on the excercise — eventually you just get too uncomfy to really do much more than walk briskly. Also, and they will probably explain this to you, because your ovaries swell up like grapefruits and they are on long thin stems, the chance of torquing one while exercising does exist, and then you (a) have to be hospitalized and (b) lose the ovary. So that pretty much put the fear of god into me and I stopped working out.The booze? The caffeine? Think of it as prep for being knocked up, Bunny, because those things go away. So while it is REALLY sucky to be dealing with caffeine withdrawal and all of the attendant emotional issues surrounding IVF, (been there, so I speak from experience) I'm thinking that a healthy pregnancy is worth it, even if vodka tonics are yummy during the summer.I have much faith in this for you. It's scary when you have so much hope invested, but I have faith.

    August 9, 2010
  5. cgd #

    I have done both, been a crazy rule follower and then broke them all. I say do whatever you need to do to give yourself peace of mind. I really, really hope you do not need to move on to IVF. we are here to hold your hand if you do

    August 9, 2010
  6. I stopped following rules a long time ago, but when there's money on the line I definitely will! I hope this IUI is the magic bullet, Bunny (or that getting the fibroid removed was all it took).

    August 9, 2010
  7. Yeah, I tried that for my last IUI. Didn't work, which is not to say that it won't work for you. I hope it does. I can relate to the fear of IVF because (gasp) what if it doesn't work? The thought is very, very scary. Here's hoping you never get to IVF!

    August 9, 2010
  8. It would be sooooo great to conceive on this cycle. Crossing my fingers! I can relate to your feelings about getting further down the list of options. But you've got a lot of choices.

    August 9, 2010
  9. Don't know whether you make or buy your lattes, but the goofy-sounding "half-caf" option means you don't have to stop drinking before the cup is empty. For what it's worth…Hoping your fibroid-less parts are the green light for babies upon babies. Or just one, if you prefer. Just something small and sticky, which then grows and stays put until it's properly cooked. And is human.

    August 9, 2010
  10. I'm with lady pumpkin. I'm hoping you get a human, too. But alas, beggers can't be choosers, I suppose.Good luck with your IUI. I think your sans-meatballs ute is going to do the trick!

    August 10, 2010
  11. I think it's smart. Not because I think that doing those things makes that huge a difference. Rather, I think feeling like you are doing everything you possibly can makes a huge difference. And I am thinking extra good thoughts for number 5. Let it be lucky number 5, and to hell with the big guns.

    August 10, 2010
  12. There is something to the superstition of doing things the same way. There are so many new things this time around. A roomier ute, for one, and less amped up Bunny with less caffeine. (As long as that doesn't turn into a more grumpy Bunny.)I'm hopeful for the IUI and thinking that there IS enough new this time around to make your womb an enticing place indeed. I can only imagine your fellas talking to the egg saying, "just wait 'till you see what she's done with the place!"

    August 10, 2010
  13. Welcome to the land of green tea and soda water with lemon, Bunny. It won't be so bad and it won't be forever. But I can see why you'd want to try this cycle without the loveliness of red wine and lattes. And, I hear your fear about the end of the treatment options road. You still have many options to go through before you see that awful checkered yellow and black sign, but just knowing it exists is terrifying. But you are not there, not even in the neighbourhood, not even in the county OR the state of the end of the road. I'm with Adele, number 5 is lucky. Go Bunny!

    August 10, 2010
  14. Keeping my fingers crossed very hard for you and hoping you won't be touching alcohol or coffee for a full nine months.

    August 10, 2010
  15. I go back and forth between following all the rules, and not. Sometimes I think the rules are just there to drive us all nuts!

    August 10, 2010
  16. Good idea, I think. Might help, (certainly HOPE so), can't hurt, and at least you'll know you've done it like they said. (Love the way you describe IVF as both comforting and a "big gun". Perfect reflection of weird double thinking habits engendered by All This.)

    August 10, 2010
  17. i'm keeping everything crossed for you with #5 – i hope this is the ONE!

    August 10, 2010
  18. This comment has been removed by the author.

    August 11, 2010

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