Skip to content

Talismans

When it became evident that Mr. Bunny and I were going to get married some day, I made sure he understood that I didn’t want an engagement ring. Don’t get me wrong, I think the symbolism is lovely, but something about it just isn’t ME. At the time, I wore two rings I’d been wearing since I was sixteen, both purchased from a jewelry table on Telegraph Avenue when I first moved to Berkeley. I didn’t want to replace either of them unless it was with a wedding ring. So when he did propose, Mr. Bunny got me a necklace instead. It’s a silver acorn, and you can see the vague idea of it in my wedding photo. I wore it to my first beta blood draw and I’m wearing it today.

It’s not that I believe it has any power to protect me. Shit, if that were the case…I’d rent it out to all of you, and become a BAJILLIONAIRE. No, I guess touching it reminds me that we will survive if today’s news is bad. It seems impossible right now. But I’ve seen with my own eyes that women can survive this not working out. Thank you for the courage you’ve shown me. I know you didn’t do it for my benefit, but it benefits me anyway.

Meanwhile, this time they’ve got the right fucking phone number, so I may actually find out by 1pm. AND, today’s phlebotomist was not the normal mean lady (because lord knows what you need when being stuck with needles is a lady who’s like PUT YOUR ARM HERE! HOLD THIS! SNARL! YOU INTERRUPTED ME WHEN I WAS SHOPPING FOR SHOES ONLINE, IN THIS HORRIBLE LITTLE HOLE THEY PUT ME IN, AND I RETALIATE FOR THIS AWFUL HOLE BY HAVING LOADS OF STUFF ABOUT JESUS AND GOING TO HEAVEN ALL OVER MY WALLS! which is not to say I object to Jesus or going to heaven in principle, but it just makes the experience feel a little…judgey), but instead an awesome young guy with a bleached afro mohawk, who was chatty and told me all about how he hates having blood drawn. So that was nice.

On the side of bad, Mr. Bunny had to leave town again today. His father decided to spend his retirement driving around the national parks in an RV, and thinks it’s a good idea to have people visit him and camp out in the RV, and Mr. Bunny’s turn has come. (I happen to think asking people to visit you in the most inconvenient places and ways imaginable is selfish, which is why I refused to go along, and thank god I did.) So it’s South Dakota for Mr. Bunny. I’ll text him the news, and we’re going to try to squeeze a phone call in between his layover in Minneapolis and my department meeting. God, it’s absurd.

This is one MANIC post, isn’t it? It’s just ’cause I’m scared.

20 Comments Post a comment
  1. JB #

    The Day of the Second Beta was the longest day. (It will be eclipsed by the Morning of the First Ultrasound, and then other events to follow). But you are thisclose to getting the good news you want. Fingers, toes, legs, everything crossed for a beautiful number in the 160-ish-plus range.

    September 3, 2010
  2. don't be scurred bunny. keeping my fingers crossed that your number *more than* doubles today :o) big hugs to you! xoxoxoxo.

    September 3, 2010
  3. hoping for a beautiful number that has more than doubled!!

    September 3, 2010
  4. Oh, Bunny! May your magic acorn bring you magic news. I'll be stalking your blog all day long.

    September 3, 2010
  5. My fingers are crossed for you! I used to give out acorns to my students as a reminder of their potential and growth! I love the necklace idea!!!

    September 3, 2010
  6. You don't sound manic to me, although I allow that you may feel it, on this beta #2 day. As I imagine you fingering your beautiful acorn, I just think of you as being full of strength. Looking forward to that number. I'm visualizing 182ish.

    September 3, 2010
  7. I didn't want and don't have an engagement ring either. 😉 I wore my magic earrings to all of my monitoring and betas and ultrasounds, and I'm hoping your necklace brings you the onslaught of this nerve-wrackingly lovely sequence of these things, too. Much hope and many hugs…

    September 3, 2010
  8. Keeping you in my heart today Bunny. I know you can survive anything that comes, but I want you to not have to. Good thought, good thoughts…

    September 3, 2010
  9. Wil be refreshing my browser regularly over the course of the afternoon, before we board the plane to…Cleveland! Looking forward to wonderful news for you. Clutch dat acorn!

    September 3, 2010
  10. Same here! I have a magic necklace I've been wearing throughout this cycle and for every blood draw and u/s. It's a thin gold necklace with a gold ivy leaf charm (the symbol hubs and I used throughout our wedding stationary, etc) and a gold four leaf clover. I've also been wearing this horribly ratty string necklace (which I converted into a bracelet) that my friend in NYC gave me for good luck this cycle….it has a little wooden charm on it with the native American symbol for fertility etched into it. I've been wearing it since CD2 and cannot bring myself to take it off.Your 2nd Beta is going to kick so much ass my friend. I KNOW IT! Hang tough….I know every moment feels like an eternity. Eeee! xo

    September 3, 2010
  11. Oh Bunny — I just left a comment on your post from yesterday about how Beta #2 is actually the longest, scariest day ever (especially if you do it in Canada on vacation where it takes 2 DAYS), so manic seems just about right.Sorry mr Bunny isn't with you — south dakota made me snort aloud in its ridiculousness — but like before, you will reach him and it will all be ok. Because you are right — you will survive whatever happens, but I'm hoping very hard that what happens is a number greater than 130.

    September 3, 2010
  12. I hear you on the blood draw glad you got the Hipster Guy 😉 love the acorn talisman I always feel the same way about some blue jewelry my Nana left me. It's not precious or anything but she left it to me because it's blue and she knew I loved blue always feels like a big hug when I wear it.

    September 3, 2010
  13. Fuck — I meant >170. Clearly I can't do math. (oh and ps, like pumpkin, I'm heading to cleveland too)

    September 3, 2010
  14. No engagement ring either – and our wedding rings are recycled gold. That even makes *me* feel a bit funny, it's so right-on, but there you go.It's torture, the waiting, isn't it? Ug, poor bunny. Digits in crossed position! Come on, results. BE NICE.

    September 3, 2010
  15. I only have rings and diamonds because having to explain why I don't have them. Being weird is such work, right? I love the acorn necklace idea, and I would plunk down change for that luck. But, you ate not gonna need it. Double and double…awesome good thoughts for you.

    September 3, 2010
  16. I hope your acorn bring you lots of luck today. I wore a gold necklace with a wishbone charm that B gave me for our first anniversary to every blood draw.I'm sorry hubs can't there, but he was away last beta, so I'm thinking it's a strange kind of good luck to be apart. Fingers crossed so hard for good news today!!!

    September 3, 2010
  17. N #

    I'm crossing my fingers for you. Good luck!

    September 3, 2010
  18. Nothing but hopeful, positive thought for you, Bunny! I can't wait to hear.

    September 3, 2010
  19. Eek! I can't wait! I've been thinking about you constantly over the past couple of days and will be anxiously awaiting your next post… Your mean phlebotomist sounds awful– there's one at my clinic I'm always trying to avoid. She's very brusque and quick (which is fine), but she's brutal with that needle– it hurts like hell when she pokes you, and then I always get a bruise from her rough treatment.I am so anxious, and I am hoping hard for double!!! Come ON universe! Give Bunny a double, here!!!

    September 3, 2010
  20. Well I have already read the good news, so a bit late on this one.I think I am the queen of the manic/scared posts…waiting for a second beta is very difficult, undoubtedly.I love your acorn necklace. I don't have an engagement ring either, but i did get a nice white gold wedding ring with diamonds set in a channel setting. Whenever I want to feel safe and that my husband is near I just have to look at it. (Awwww – that turned out a bit soppy, didn't it).

    September 3, 2010

Comment. Do it. Comments are moderated, so might take a while to show up.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s