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We talked about a moment in hypothetical future in which our fetus is alive!

As I said yesterday, thus far the talk in our house has been all I hope this ultrasound reveals a live fetus! BUT…yesterday Mr. Bunny asked when you can find out the sex of your fetus, and he was so endearing about it (prefaced with a hundred caveats about how we’re not there yet, and it’s too soon to talk about this stuff and etc., etc.) that instead of agreeing that it is indeed waaaay too early to talk about such things and scowling at him, I told him the answer. Then he asked me if I wanted to know, should we get to that point. Years ago this topic came up and I’m pretty sure he said he’d want to find out, whereas I like the mystery, so any time I’ve allowed myself to contemplate the idea, I wondered how we’d handle it. Turns out he wants to do whatever I want to do. Sweet. Problem solved. I said, It’s one of natures best surprises, why find out early? He said, It’s got to be one or the other so it’s not that big of a surprise. Then I delivered a lecture on intersexuality. That ought to shut him up for a while.

Still, this was a big moment for us, and I hope we are not punished for daring to think beyond the 21st.

17 Comments Post a comment
  1. cgd #

    It is so sad that we are all too scared to enjoy being pregnant. It is good that you guys are starting to talk about things in a more positive manner. I sincerely hope that everything is where it should be and you get amazing new on the 21st. Hang in there!!

    September 10, 2010
  2. I echo cgd's comments… Mr. Wannabe and I have talked about it already too and i'm with you! I don't want to know, but he'd like to know. But… he has said that he'll do whatever I want to do because, after all, I'm doing all the work to get the baby here! I thought that was pretty sweet ass… so we'll (hopefully!) be surprised as well!

    September 10, 2010
  3. I totally feel you on thinking that I'm jinxing us by talking about actually moving forward and having these babies. It's just like….intensely scary.My hubs and I were the *exact* same as you and Mr. Bunny, re: gender. I wanted a surprise, he didn't, but he was on board with whatever I wanted. Then we found out it was twins….and that changed how I feel. I think. Still deciding!BTW, re: your comment on my blog. Yeah, hubs and I are def 100% open to moving. We realize that potential academic job opps for him would be severely limited by staying in one city. 🙂

    September 10, 2010
  4. I am so impressed, bunnies. Well done. Onward!Intersexuality, wow, nice banter!

    September 10, 2010
  5. It really isn't that big of a surprise, I agree with Mr. Bunny. My motivation was that I am handicapped enough in decision-making that I'll have a hard time deciding on one name. Of course you can't help but envision a little ways down the line… while trying to take it one day at a time. You know that odds are in your favor of this working out, so you can have the luxury of being a little excited! As I am sure you can't help anyways, in spite of The Fear, which never really leaves…

    September 10, 2010
  6. heh. that oughta teach him. look at you, brave and bold creatures! i am very impressed. i am still not really thinking all the way about that scan. in fact, i told Sugar this morning that i thought the perfect time to plan a nursery (read: figure out which half of our stuff has to go in storage) was a few days after a a live birth. doesn't any earlier seem a little foolhardy?ETA: my word verification is "audappi," which i'm pretty sure is mongrel italian (from the latin "audax") meaning "bold bunnies."

    September 10, 2010
  7. I thimk it is awesome that you set aside some of the fear for a few minutes to talk this out (and note that the Boy and I were in the exact same camps as you and Mr B, and he also decided to defer to me!). Fwiw, if you are doing any chromosomal screening (CVS or amnio) you can find out for sure then, or you can look at about a 15 week sono.Also, because I forgot to mention this the other day, flying is totally fine. Just get up every hour or so and walk around and drink water. I took a 6hr flight between betas 1-2 and again 10 days later. Have I mentioned that this is really exciting? I'm really happy for you.

    September 10, 2010
  8. If you're like me, that tight fist of contingency will slowly unclench as the time horizon stretches out. I hope it does! Because it actually becomes FUN to think about the future! I hope the conference is great (you keynoter, you) and, in reference to your last post, I flew in early pregnancy to a high-altitude location, and then drove to an even higher altitude location. All good.

    September 10, 2010
  9. JB #

    You have to make yourself talk about these things, because I think you'd regret not experiencing it later on if you let yourself stay paralyzed by the what-ifs. Cautious optimism is the great compromise.And every time a relative shares their favorite old wives' tale about "knowing" the gender of our fetus from the heart rate, how I carry, and whether I've had nausea, I just tell them A)the heart rate has always been smack-dab in the middle of the range, B)I am short with not much torso so I carry EVERYWHERE, and C)I had nausea for 4 months, then again the last 2 months with some relief in between therefore….drumroll please….we are definitely having a hermaphrodite. We will name shim Lady Gaga.

    September 10, 2010
  10. Oh I absolutely LOVE how men are so black and white. It made me smile to hear your husband say "it has to be one or the other so it's not that much of a mystery". So factual and so true! I want to hug him for saying that because I always thought that when i ever got to the point of having to make that decision it would be a hard and life changing decision to make. I mean, finding out if you are having a boy or a girl seems like a really huge thing. But your husband put it into perspective… its a baby, a beautiful baby and either way, boy or girl its going to be perfect. Might not have been the way he intended it to be translated but thats what I heard!

    September 10, 2010
  11. I consider this Progress. Well done, Bunnies! I know this will sound crap, but try to relax and enjoy this time. It is very special.

    September 10, 2010
  12. Well done, indeed! Someone said that you spend your whole life knowing your kid after they are born, and having just this chance to love them before they have a name is precious. Shifting that good vibe beam on to the 21st.

    September 10, 2010
  13. JC #

    Lol, I love that you lectured him on intersexuality! Sounds like you will have a good surprise =). I would HAVE to know!

    September 11, 2010
  14. Check the Chinese calendar. You can know right now.Duh, Bunny.

    September 11, 2010
  15. I agree with you about the surprise element. A little mystery – never a bad thing:)

    September 11, 2010
  16. Perfect Christmas present for Mr. Bunny: a copy of Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides.I'm so glad to hear that the two of you are able to talk about the future.

    September 12, 2010
  17. barfingrainbowsandunicorns #

    Word. My husband told me that he went to a bookstore last night and picked up an "awesome parenting book." My brain exploded and then I accused him of trying to kill the fetus with his stupid optimism. Seriously, I really struggle with thinking ahead too. Hahahaha on the intersex thing.

    September 16, 2010

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