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THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE

Almost every day, Mr. Bunny asks me if THE QUICKENING has occurred yet. And of course I respond with THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE! and make like lightening is crackling out of my belly. As has every pregnant woman since 1986.*

Like everything else associated with reproduction, this whole “feeling movement” thing is not what I imagined. That whole area is increasingly active (I hear tell it’s because my intestines are being gradually shoved up to my chin), so I’ve established some guidelines to keep me reasonable. Like: if it makes a gurgling noise, it’s not Bun Bun. Or: if it’s followed by an unpleasant smell, it’s not Bun Bun. All the same, friends, this weekend I had a moment where, all logic aside, I was viscerally (HA!) certain that I felt Bun Bun flourishing his little broadsword in there. It happened as I was pulling out of a Dunkin Donuts parking lot. Can you imagine a more beautiful setting? I can’t. It was just a little bloop! but there was something about it…

There were two other fetus related firsts this weekend.
1. I bought new bras. When I brought them home, Mr. Bunny I and stood there marveling at how huge they are. Like TENTS. I mean, I don’t appear particularly huge in the bosom, so it was odd to suddenly have these enormous bras in my house. That are ostensibly for me to wear. Which I did immediately, because YOWZA! The old ones don’t fit no mo’.
2. I got my first surprise attack of the belly rub. We attended LP1’s Chanuka party (the same party at which, last year, she announced that she was pregnant with her second and I spent the rest of the event wanting to die), and when I gave her a hug, she sneakily seized the opportunity rub me. WOAH! I’d always figured I could avoid the belly grope, but now I see that more craftiness and strategy will be required. Like, I should avoid hugging people. Or…people, full stop.

*In case you have no idea what I’m talking about.

19 Comments Post a comment
  1. NO WAY! Again with the Donuts? It's a sign! I am reconsidering my relationship with the doughnut, on the basis of this. I need to embrace it, obviously. Quick! To the deep fat fryer!

    December 6, 2010
  2. Yay! Something about the first movement and "knowing" it's your little one is so awesome. They will get more and more obvious from here on out!

    December 6, 2010
  3. hmm, not sure how to avoid belly rubs unless you wear a shirt that says "don't touch me". ppl are already molesting me left and right and it feels WEIRD!!

    December 6, 2010
  4. Oak #

    I will deftly swat anyone who attempts (or succeeds) in touching my belly. The only caveat is if I would kiss you on the lips. If I know you well enough to kiss you on the lips, you can, without permission, touch my stomach. But luckily, since I'm carrying so small, this hasn't been an issue yet. But I'm armed and ready.

    December 6, 2010
  5. cgd #

    I love that you are feeling bun bun, I cannot imagine anything more magical (and kind of weird all at the same time).Hoping that you avoid belly rubs. I will never understand how people who do not you very well can think that is ok. Seriously!!!

    December 6, 2010
  6. JB #

    Oh, the little flutters turn into swishes turn into kicks, turn into jabs, turn into kickpunches, turn into poky little fingers and headbutts….and it's true what they say, after Bun Bun is born, you actually will kind of miss it. (My first car ride alone after Jackson was born, I realized *I have no one to talk to* since I had talked to my swishy-kicky-belly for months. I was aloooone. Sadness.)

    December 6, 2010
  7. JB #

    And bonus points for shouting out to The Highlander. (When I was in high school, I hung out with college kids and took some college classes and managed to get in on their annual unsanctioned campus part-ay action — a huge bonfire-and-keg-and-jam-band affair called The Quickening. There were t-shirts made and everything. I had a flourishing underage drinking career because of that.)

    December 6, 2010
  8. AL #

    So awesome that you felt Bun Bun!! I had my first belly rub experience on Saturday, it was totally unexpected and weird. I have never once rubbed a preggo belly, i don't get why ppl think it's okay..

    December 6, 2010
  9. A bloop – sounds wonderful!!!And ewww – a belly rub – sounds awful! I don't get it. There's a woman at work that rubs other people's bellies when they're pregnant for good luck. I'm just horrified to think that may be me one day… Or maybe not. But still – no belly rubbing.

    December 6, 2010
  10. Loving the highlander reference. Of course, then I had to watch youtube snippets for a bit (because work is paying me to do that kind of stuff).I'm so excited you felt your first little bump — it is really my favorite parte of this entire experience and I wish I could keep the little fluttery pokey movements forever. (although the ones on my bladder? Those I don't really love.) But, at the risk of being too gushy about the whole thing, feeling the movement is totally magical to me.On the belly rubs — it sucks — I don't know WHY people think that it's ok. And then sometimes they say things (to me, at least) like "oh, it's softer than I expected" (no shit — I've gained 1000 lbs) or something equally charming. I just keep my hands clasped in front and scowl at people. But still they sneak them in.And the bra? Oh the monster bras. The "not really sexy lingerie but more like industrial equipment" bras? My advice is learn to love them, because the boobs just. keep. growing. It would be funny if they weren't attached to you. But instead it's like some 1970s horror movie.OK — this became monster comment. Need to go back and watch more youtube.

    December 6, 2010
  11. Every time I hear of a stranger rubbing someone's belly (or even a friend, unasked), I think of that episode of Friends where Monica and Chandler are adopting and the pregnant girl is in their kitchen. Monica is rubbing the girls belly and asks her if she minds her touching the baby. She says, "No, I don't mind you touching my belly, but right now your hand is kind of blocking the part where the baby is gonna come out."I'm with Oak – if I would kiss you on the mouth, then you can touch my belly. Maybe I'd let my sisters – if the baby was kicking or something. So weird though to just walk up and grab someone's stomach…

    December 6, 2010
  12. Ah, new bras. By far the most exciting maternity purchase I made. Just wait till your milk comes in. You'll have bazookas!I noticed that you referred to Bun Bun as a "he". And that you felt him flourish his BROADSWORD. From this moment on I'll have a hard time imagining any little girl bunnies in there.

    December 6, 2010
  13. Are you nuts? I love a good belly feel. Just keep telling them "lower, lower, lower" until you get them where they need to be….I love this blog.

    December 7, 2010
  14. I think the only time I ever touched a pregnant belly was when the mama took my hand and put it on her belly herself. Which was a little weird, I admit. Who the dickens does she think she is? Ruin your evening one night and then 365 days later, put her hands all over your belly. I hope she has some redeeming qualities.

    December 7, 2010
  15. Sigh…the movement. When I say that I am in serious love with every movement–big or small, sweet or ferocious–I am so, so not kidding. When I was listening to this audio documentary about birth a while back, there was this quip in it about a lady who was laboring, but her labor stalled… Her midwife/doula/whoever asked her what was holding her back, and the lady said something about feeling overwhelmed by the thought that this could be the last time she felt her baby inside of her. And, shit, did I ever start bawling right then and there as I listened. Sigh. For someone who never really fantasized about pregnancy or ever dreamed about what being pregnant would feel like (my daydreams were more about having a family, being a mother), I am just in absolute awe by how much I have loved this experience… Also, I just purchased my second round of bras, fancy nursing ones at that. My demure barely B breasts have been replaced by something found in a National Geographic photo spread. Lovely. It's amazing how new bras can make you feel. ๐Ÿ™‚

    December 7, 2010
  16. So cool that you can feel Bun Bun!The tent part scares me. My bras are that size already (not that I think my boobs are incredibly huge, but judging from the size of my bras they must be), I do wonder where this will go, should I ever get pregnant…

    December 7, 2010
  17. Well hello, sweet little BunBun! ๐Ÿ™‚ So awesome you can feel the little bebe!!I'm with you on the bras. Somehow, without breast soreness or aches, et al, mine have grown quite large. Time for new bras!

    December 7, 2010
  18. Bun Bun knows so much at such a young age–well, at least that donuts are delicious. Smart kid.Sorry about your molestation. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

    December 7, 2010
  19. The SIL has said she LOVES strangers touching her belly. And given that she used to be a burlesque dancer (not the cool Cher kind either!) and showed ta tas for strangers, the lack of belly boundary makes sense. You are the voice of reasonable women who are pregnant in this matter.

    December 8, 2010

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