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Some small consolation?

I recall how, back in the sad days before I was a glorious fetus-bearer, I used to revel in the massive asses of pregnant women. It was about all there WAS to revel in, since their whining and complaining made me want to stab them, and was thus not a good source of Schadenfreude. I can’t promise that my ass is particularly huge yet, BUT I thought you might draw some comfort from the fact that I have become a person who drools.

I wish I could tell you that it’s constant and I’m like a stroke victim, but it’s only when I’m sleeping. And it’s because I’ve got a particularly unrelenting case of rhinitis of pregnancy. Did you know that was a thing? It totally is. Its name should be Exploding Snot Head of Pregnancy, ’cause that’s more accurate. After fifteen weeks of this shit, I’m amazed I haven’t sneezed Bun Bun to death. Anyway, I’m now a mouth breather, and that means that when I’m asleep, I generate a big puddle of slobber. Yes, when I wake up, I have to wipe my face. I hope that makes you smile.

Meanwhile, I had another OB appointment this morning. I’m amazed at the extent to which I can generate serious anxiety in just a few days. I mean: fetus alive on Thursday. Probability that fetus will be alive on Monday = high. Probability that fetus will be alive = high in general. But I became convinced that the hot bath I’d taken on Saturday had killed my baby and the round ligament pain I was feeling was the precursor to a wonderful stillbirth experience. Probably not, as it turns out. I suppose this phase of feeling movement only every few days is a tough phase. (Maybe not quite as tough as experiencing six losses in a row or a failed donor egg cycle or an incompatible with life diagnosis or endless cycles of nothing at all, but who can say. Ha. That was me being funny. You can tell because you were laughing super hard.) I guess there’s just something about the reality-check nature of these appointments that makes it impossible not to fear them. Anyway, four more weeks of, Deo volente, not being freaked out.

21 Comments Post a comment
  1. Nice drooly! I'm a constant pee-er myself and I grunt when I get up from a sitting or lying position (attractive!). Plus don't count on anyone telling you that a** looks like it's prego as well, they will all insist that you are "tiny" even though you know what you are seeing is anything but.

    December 20, 2010
  2. Uh, Bunny? I drool too. SO WHERE'S MY FETUS?? I hope you don't mind that I'll be calling you Droolie Andrews from now until Bun Bun is born alive and thriving at term. That cool? Glad the appointment went well!!

    December 20, 2010
  3. [Commenting at work. This is a slippery slope, but I guess it's technically lunctime.] I'm not sure which is worse: huge ass or chronic rhinitis of pregnancy? It sounds like the nose thing is not fun at all. Glad the OB appt. went well, Bunny. The anxiety must be so draining, especially in the face of probabilities. Like you said, I wonder how it's going to be once you feel movement everyday. Perhaps that constant reassurance will help. I'm really hoping it will.

    December 20, 2010
  4. ASP #

    You're such a dork. Thanks for the laugh about your pregnancy! 😉 Bun Bun is going to be an incredibly hilarious little person if he's anything like his momma! 😉 ♥

    December 20, 2010
  5. i'm the same way. i'm happy and optimistic for all of 24 hours after an u/s and then the next day, the doom and gloom creeps back in. if it makes you feel any better. i was a drooler pre-pregnancy. it hasn't gotten any worse since i got with child though. in fact, after that first cold i caught, my immune system has been rather robust. ppl have been sneezing on me left and right for 2 months now and i've yet to catch anything from them!! *knock on wood*. glad that you've managed to avoid fat-ass syndrome. me too :o) xoxo.

    December 20, 2010
  6. Cracking up at the image of you drooling every night… And glad to hear the appointment went well!

    December 20, 2010
  7. Haha… man, I love you–drool and all.

    December 20, 2010
  8. Sadly the schadenfreude-ometer is barely registering. You must be exempt or something. Pfft!(Have been trying to comment on your students' drawings – but the blogspot, he does not cooperate in the distribution of my pearls of wisdom.)

    December 20, 2010
  9. JB #

    Oh, Bunny. I want to buy us those broken heart necklaces where we each wear half and we're BFFs, like, forevah. *hunh* Excuse me, I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. :)I had the Amazing And Neverending Snot Stream as well, and the bad news is that it got worse with time. The good news is that it ends when Bun Bun is born. Another miracle of birth!I also used to get freaked out before OB appointments — like nauseous, nervous shits freaked out. (Sorry if I've painted a horrifying picture.) I would ride the high of a normal appointment for a week or two and then start getting anxious. No words of wisdom here, just commiserating.

    December 20, 2010
  10. I'm with you only I have Exploding Snot Head of Pregnancy AND Fat Ass Syndrome. I get asked DAILY if i'm having twins. DAILY! The next question will be "Are you having twins out of your ass?" Love the check in's with the OB. My last OB appt was on Friday and between my super awesome ultrasound on Thursday and my OB check in on Friday, I was ready for some doppler magic. Pathetic, I know.My next appt is 4 weeks from now so we can freak out together. But for crying out loud, get your ass to catch up to mine, would ya? I'm all out on my own here!!

    December 20, 2010
  11. I'll seriously trade you my ass for drool. Appealing, right??I love LOVE that I am pregnant, but some parts of being pregnant are kind of, well, on the sucky side. No sense in sugar coating it — drool and fat are good for no one.I'm glad all is well, though. And the nice thing is that during the next 4 weeks there should be tons more moving around so that your anxiety can decrease a bit. I hope.

    December 20, 2010
  12. Snot Sister! I haven't breathed normally in ages. It even got so bad that I stopped making fun of Sugar's neti pot, though it didn't do me any good. What does help is acupuncture, but I can't go every day…. Sometimes I just mash on places I think she stuck needles, which are evidently actually "hysterical crying" and "insanely dry skin" points, if my physical condition is any indication.

    December 20, 2010
  13. Oh gosh, I'm a fellow snot sister, too! We finally bought a humidifier it had gotten so bad. And my propensity for nose bleeds—not gushing ones, but always bloodying the Kleenex—is ridiculous. It's very odd, but I'll take the comfort.And all of your brisk walking to work must be keeping your ass perky. :)I feel you on the anxiety of appts. The high afterward is amazing…but, oh, the buildup is excrutiating! Bun Bun is all good and will remain that way until you give birth! Promise. xo

    December 20, 2010
  14. So glad bun bun is doing well. I so know how you are feeling. I am fine after the appointment, but then as we get farther on in the week I start to worry that something bad has happened and the baby will have something majorly wrong and I won't make it to giving birth. I am not sure what I'm going to do when I have to switch to monthly appointments.

    December 20, 2010
  15. I'm so glad that everything is progressing well. Bun Bun is being most kind to his poor Mama. Sorry to hear about the rhinitis, as someone who suffers from sinusitus I know how you feel. On a totally unrelated topic, there is a street in my new neighbourhood named after you, which should prove how awesome you truly are. Bunny Street. I kid you not. Wishing you all the best for the sparkly season!

    December 21, 2010
  16. I'm congested too, which means I now snore like a lumberjack. Sexxxy.

    December 21, 2010
  17. I swear I'm not smiling. (Okay. Maybe a little bit?)Sorry about the rhinitis, though. It sounds awful and I hope you get a break from it soon. I do understand what you mean about those appointments inspiring fear. But I am keeping fingers crossed that Bun Bun stays put until, you know, it's time to vacate the premises full-term. And that you grow an enormous ass soon:)

    December 21, 2010
  18. Too funny. I am also super congested and sometimes wake myself up with my snoring!!! So gross, but I look at it as payback to hubs who has woken me up many times with his log sawing.

    December 22, 2010
  19. barfingrainbowsandunicorns #

    So glad to hear that things are going well with Bun Bun! :)I agree with Egg about the excruiating buildup and then the high afterwards. Such a rollercoaster. And if it makes you feel better – yesterday when I had my NST, the nurse had a little trouble finding the heart beat. I started to get all aflutter about this, despite the fact that the fetus had given me a really hard kick when I sat down in the chair, less than THREE MINUTES AGO. So. More frequent movement definitely helps, but maybe less so if you are a complete freak like I am. (Which I do not think you are, just to be clear.)

    December 22, 2010
  20. Ah, boogers. So much snot, so little time to flick on anyone good (now that the students are gone). Calm thoughts. Calm thoughts. Guess what? Yep. Calm thoughts.

    December 22, 2010
  21. You couldn't have Fat Ass if you tried.Makes me think it is a boy….

    December 29, 2010

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