Suck it, MacGyver
I’ve mentioned before that I tend to wear skirts and dresses more than pants, and what with the freezingness of the outside in winter, this means tights. Unfortunately, I’m super particular about my tights. They gotta be the cottony opaque kind with nothing “control” anywhere about them. These are hard enough to find as it is, but they basically don’t exist in maternity version. So I’d been trying to get by with my regular tights, despite feeling more and more COMPRESSED. Yesterday it was just too much. I made it until lunchtime before ripping my tights off and executing the following brilliant tights-to-stockings+garters maneuver.
|Please excuse the expanse of grotesquely pale thigh.|
(Instructions: rip tights off, hack legs [of tights!] off, hack waistband off, cut waistband in half, staple each half into a garter because you are too lazy to get out your sewing kit, reapply stockings + garters.)
I AM THE SMARTEST PERSON ON THE WHOLE EARTH.
Except later I went to the bathroom, sat down on the toilet, and was fixin’ to take a hearty piss when I recollected that I was still wearing my underwear. So, I dunno, maybe second smartest person on the whole earth?