Yes, Mom, I HAVE gained some weight.
While my department chair knows my status as Pregnant Professor, he’s been asked to keep it to himself, and the rest of my colleagues haven’t figured it out yet. This is because I haven’t been visibly pregnant for long, but also because my department is small and we don’t really see each other that often. When the teaching schedule for next semester went around recently, my chair apparently got some inquiries about why I will be on leave next fall. He responded with something vague and kept my terrible secret. I am not sure why anyone would give a shit, since my leave has no effect whatsoever on their lives, but a couple of my colleagues are insecure assholes, so who knows what crazy things go on in their tiny little heads. (Um, this is why it’s important for me to keep this weblog anonymous. HI, I LIKE TO CALL MY COLLEAGUES ASSHOLES.) Anyway, after wondering why the hell my chair was telling me this, I became weirdly determined to keep my state a secret for as long as possible. We had a department meeting yesterday, and I wore my baggiest, most Bun Bump concealing garments. I’m pretty sure I got away with it, and I enjoyed the feeling of being a teenager trying to hide her pregnancy from her parents. I acknowledge that this is crazy. And passive-aggressive. But I feel like it’s none of their damn business, and if wondering about it stresses them out, that’s what they get for being crazy.
I suppose the other possibility is that I’m afraid to be outed as a pregnant person. That I don’t want to deal with bullshit assumptions that this was easy. and whatever else.
But I’m pretty sure it’s because my colleagues are ASSHOLES and I want to fuck with them.