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Don’t be fooled by the frocks that I got

I’m still, I’m still Bunny from the block / Used to have a little, now I have a lot / Hence the need for some maternity clothing. You see, classes start this week, and all my old professional garments seem to have shrunk. Or something. So I had to buy new stuff.

The problem is, I can’t stand shopping in stores. I feel like sales people have gotten completely rabid these days. I need a lot of solitude in order to buy things, and those fuckers just won’t leave me alone (unless of course I actually need something, in which case they are nowhere to be seen) long enough to think. And I can’t stand seeing myself in a mirror, let alone having to make some kind of decision about purchasing based on what I see. TOO MUCH PRESSURE. So I first tried to make my necessary purchases via the interwebs. But it seems that designers believe a large bow front and center is essential in maternity clothing. What am I, a Christmas present? Are people supposed to rip my clothes off and exclaim with delight, I can hardy wait to play with my new Naked and Frightened Pregnant Woman? Point is, the offerings were few and inadequate, forcing me to brave…the MALL.

I went as early as possible so the sales people would still be quiescent, and there would be no other loathsome customers around getting in my way. Since I’d never set foot in a place that sold things for pregnant people, I was prepared for something extremely dramatic. Like maybe five or six people would swoop down on me and insist on rubbing my belly while I shopped, while asking about my due date and birth plan. It was not like that. I was completely ignored.

The surprising part was the sheer number of times I had to wipe away tears. Ultrasounds and fetal movement are wonderful for confirming pregnancy and all, but there’s nothing like finding yourself in the dressing room of a store that sells pregnancy garments, surrounded by ads for pregnancy products, to really bring it home. I would see something and think of perhaps buying it, and then realize OMG I can actually buy that. Things the sight of which would previously have made me sick with sorrow, I could now purchase in a totally normal way. Having these things be within the realm of possible purchase for ME was just dumbfounding and totally choked me up.

Anyway, I managed to find some things sans bows. Mission accomplished: I will not be forced to teach in my underwear.

21 Comments Post a comment
  1. cgd #

    glad you do not need to teach naked, that would have mnade for interesting teacher evaluations!!P.S. You look adorable (although headless) in the lates belly/ bunbun pic.

    January 10, 2011
  2. Awww, these are the kind of tears we WANT!

    January 10, 2011
  3. Do we get pictures?

    January 10, 2011
  4. I'm so happy you had a lovely trip to the maternity store – this is great!

    January 10, 2011
  5. Nekkid G.B. 101 was being taught in biology this quarter. I will be sad to inform the students, née perverts, that your belly will not be part of required elements. Much dissappointment was expressed.On dressed and mat-wear, I am thrilled that you could shop in peace and I know that it's still hard to believe, but, yeah, baby!

    January 10, 2011
  6. Oak #

    I highly recommend Target although not all stores have a maternity section, I was able to find many non-bow tops. I also was able to find many solid colored tops as I am convinced that maternity designers are trying to create as many patterned tops as they can to turn us all into circus tents. I'm 30 weeks but carrying small and went into my favorite maternity wear store where they said to me (as they say everytime I'm in) "You know this is a maternity store right?" Yes, thank you. Assholes.

    January 10, 2011
  7. AL #

    Ahh, Maternity clothes. the bows. And the shirts with sayings like "tis the season to be pregnant." There is some pretty awful stuff out there, glad you found some acceptable things for work. It's so surreal isn't it? SO happy for you 🙂

    January 10, 2011
  8. JC #

    Glad you found some clothes. You should model them and have your hubby take pics =).

    January 11, 2011
  9. A happy shopping experience is always a miracle in my books. Glad you won't be force to teach in your underwear and awesomely home-hacked stockings. Smiling at your tears. So glad that this blessing has come to you and that its depth keeps sinking into your heart as you progress through the pregnancy.

    January 11, 2011
  10. Did they have the strap on-belly in the change room? Cause that makes for an even weirder experience. Oh, Bunny, you almost sound happy!

    January 11, 2011
  11. I have really struggled to find maternity clothes becuase I'm 5'8'' and have not gained a ton of wieght (yet). My best advice is J. Jill–it's not maternity but made for fat middle age woman and has petite as well and it fits–tops are long enough and waist bands are stretchy, bonus they are having a big sale. Other place is old navy=cheap, a good thing

    January 11, 2011
  12. I had the same experience buying baby things at IKEA. Ultrasounds, dopplers, etc. always feel so surreal to me. When the reality hits that this is really happening at a store, it definitely chokes me up. Glad you found some appropriate garments!

    January 11, 2011
  13. I hate the tees and shirt that say stupid stuff like, "Baby on board!" etc etc etc. (I hate those types of baby clothes too, like "Ladies Man" etc….are you kidding me?!) I find Old Navy is surprisingly cheap and unoffensive in their selection of maternity garments. I did a big shopping trip there at about 16 weeks and felt BIZARREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE the entire time. And luckily they don't have enough salespeople to worry about a random like me so I got to choose clothes without pressure. Still…fortunately I haven't had to go back, it's a weird experience.So happy you won't be teaching nude. Hehe. xoxo

    January 11, 2011
  14. aww, i think it would be great if you could teach nekkid!! i loved your last post about your coworkers. f*ck 'em all!! i actually like quite a few of mine, otw i'd have the same attitude entirely. mine is more like "f*ck management!". i'm still stretching the crap out of all my tops. they will be irreparable when i'm done with them, and i'll just have a good excuse to go shopping for real clothes post baby :o)

    January 11, 2011
  15. That sounds like a surreal experience…maternity clothes shopping. I can't imagine! I'm glad you were left alone (I'm the same exact way when shopping) and able to find some non-horrible things.

    January 11, 2011
  16. Ah, this does my heart good – you are at last in the exciting, happy phase. Have fun, bunny!

    January 11, 2011
  17. "my new Naked and Frightened Pregnant Woman"–that just made my day sparkle. Thanks, Bunny. 🙂 Yay for finding things that fit! No matter what size you are, there's nothing like it.

    January 11, 2011
  18. ROFLMAO.. you are too funny! Naked and frightened pregnant woman!Glad you are clothed! And sweet tears…to enter the realm of pregnancy store as an insider! No more pressing ones nose to the glass and having difficult feelings about the world inside and its inhabitants.

    January 11, 2011
  19. I always found in-store shopping for maternity clothing BIZARRE. Especially the foamy velcro bump in the dressing room. I ordered nearly all of my stuff online from Gap–I had never shopped there before in my life (I'm more of an Anthropologie girl)and I found the best maternity skinny jeans ever there. Most of their stuff is classic/simple–no bows. I was just reorganizing my drawers over the weekend to pull out some of my overtly maternity stuff, and I got a little misty. Especially when I pulled out the shirt I wore to the hospital when I was in labor. Holy crap, I don't think I'll ever be able to let my maternity clothes go…

    January 12, 2011
  20. Cheese and rice you are darling!Pictures. please???You gotta try that shit on. Dont forget somehow they manage to find models without boobs the size of Texas.Such a sweet post. I knew you had it in you, you pregnant SOB.

    January 13, 2011
  21. Aw, bunny. That would make me tear up, too, and I hope it will, and soon (because I'm greedy and impatient like that).PS: Ousken. For your naming project. I know a girl with a similar name, so you can't be too far off.

    January 18, 2011

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