Don’t be fooled by the frocks that I got
I’m still, I’m still Bunny from the block / Used to have a little, now I have a lot / Hence the need for some maternity clothing. You see, classes start this week, and all my old professional garments seem to have shrunk. Or something. So I had to buy new stuff.
The problem is, I can’t stand shopping in stores. I feel like sales people have gotten completely rabid these days. I need a lot of solitude in order to buy things, and those fuckers just won’t leave me alone (unless of course I actually need something, in which case they are nowhere to be seen) long enough to think. And I can’t stand seeing myself in a mirror, let alone having to make some kind of decision about purchasing based on what I see. TOO MUCH PRESSURE. So I first tried to make my necessary purchases via the interwebs. But it seems that designers believe a large bow front and center is essential in maternity clothing. What am I, a Christmas present? Are people supposed to rip my clothes off and exclaim with delight, I can hardy wait to play with my new Naked and Frightened Pregnant Woman? Point is, the offerings were few and inadequate, forcing me to brave…the MALL.
I went as early as possible so the sales people would still be quiescent, and there would be no other loathsome customers around getting in my way. Since I’d never set foot in a place that sold things for pregnant people, I was prepared for something extremely dramatic. Like maybe five or six people would swoop down on me and insist on rubbing my belly while I shopped, while asking about my due date and birth plan. It was not like that. I was completely ignored.
The surprising part was the sheer number of times I had to wipe away tears. Ultrasounds and fetal movement are wonderful for confirming pregnancy and all, but there’s nothing like finding yourself in the dressing room of a store that sells pregnancy garments, surrounded by ads for pregnancy products, to really bring it home. I would see something and think of perhaps buying it, and then realize OMG I can actually buy that. Things the sight of which would previously have made me sick with sorrow, I could now purchase in a totally normal way. Having these things be within the realm of possible purchase for ME was just dumbfounding and totally choked me up.
Anyway, I managed to find some things sans bows. Mission accomplished: I will not be forced to teach in my underwear.