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Enchiladas, here I come!

My mother is turning sixty this weekend, so I’m off to New Mexico for some family interaction. I’m looking forward to eating lots of enchiladas. And seeing my older brother and his family, and my younger brother. But mainly the enchiladas. Definitely not the part where I end up in a horror film. Definitely not seeing my mother.

As you may recall, we don’t have the best relationship. And while all the pregnancy books tell me I’ll “increasingly turn towards her”…….I betcha I don’t. Part of me wishes I could, because it’s not like I know anything about raising an infant. But then I imagine actually asking her advice on something, and I remember that those are the moments she likes to stab me in the heart with some well-intentioned but utterly devastating remark. So my plan is to make every effort to let her feel included and appreciated without actually opening my heart to her. Sound plausible?

I’m also curious to compare her passive-aggressive style with my mother in law’s bullying approach to my pregnancy and future child-rearing abilities, to see who will win the Most Intrusive and Offensive Maternal Unit award. Place your bets, y’all.

24 Comments Post a comment
  1. i bet team mama. mothers always win, because they know best where the buttons are. or where they put the buttons. plus, since there's often a high level of overlap with their own buttons, they can do it without even trying.on the other hand, my mother has managed to go all this time without saying anything weird about my size or eating, so WHO KNOWS. because boy, i would not have predicted that.

    February 10, 2011
  2. ps, despite that and despite an intermittent desire to throttle sugar's mother, my mother is still winning.

    February 10, 2011
  3. JB #

    I'm gonna bet the farm on your momma. It's always more personal from your own flesh and blood.Also, I think the pregnancy books omitted an important part of that insight: "increasingly turn towards her….wielding a blunt object." Key info.

    February 10, 2011
  4. Yo' momma!I do believe that's the first time I've ever commented and said that. I must be off my game.Anywayz, I'm bettin' yo' momma cuz she knows where it hurts. So, when she says something that hurts your heart, make a tally for your research (dear sweet Scientist Bunny), and then have another enchilada. And for heaven's sake, don't run up the stairs if the call is coming from inside the house.

    February 10, 2011
  5. Beware of the ghost children… and enjoy the enchiladas! Sorry your moms are both kinda dicks. Take it with a grain of salt and know that, no matter what either of them says, YOU'RE right. Because I said so.

    February 10, 2011
  6. JC #

    Yum, enjoy your enchiladas! I just got a recipe from a coworker today (his Mexican ex-gf's recipe). He swears they're "the best". Umm I'm gonna go with your MIL winning the asshole award.

    February 10, 2011
  7. Ohhhhh…. Enchilada from new Mexico where they know how to make Mexican food, lucky, lucky, lucky you! I hope you have a good visit with your mom, who knows sometimes when you expect the worst you get a nice surprise!

    February 10, 2011
  8. AL #

    enjoy the enchilladas and time with family (well, as much as possible).

    February 10, 2011
  9. I can only think of cliches to describe your mom vs. MIL duel. And as much as it pains my opinionated self to do so, I will remain neutral and place no bets. Mostly because I want both of those two to offer only useful advice and lovely comments on what a fantastic parent you are. Otherwise, you must figure out some psychosomatic hearing loss excuse to just tune that noise out.I will imagine an enchilada filled birthday trip with all good interactions. And if you get a few barbs, I will send all the witty and deflecting skills I can spare on the first plane to NM.

    February 10, 2011
  10. Mmmm, enchies.Wishing you all the best for a calm and lovely-as-possible weekend with the family. We've all got your back!!

    February 10, 2011
  11. Hope it goes well – be sure to give us a full report. At least you'll get enchiladas out of the deal!

    February 10, 2011
  12. cgd #

    good luck this weekend, yikes is all I can actually say about that. My goodness between your mother and your MIL!!!!P.S. Thank you so so much for all of your support this week especially, although you are supportive always so I can actually say this every time I comment on your blog. I have been beaten up a bit this week and writing about heavy stuff, you always know how to make me smile through it. So thank you!!! love to you and Bun Bun

    February 11, 2011
  13. Isn't there any way you can just sic them on each other? Bully McJudgerson against Passive T. Aggressive in a knock-down grudge match. One day only.Ugh. Maybe not.But on the other hand, TAMALES.

    February 11, 2011
  14. You should write the real pregnancy book. "You may find you are increasingly driven up the wall by your own mother", type of thing. The World Needs You.

    February 11, 2011
  15. I think it sounds smart (if not entirely plausible). ENJOY those enchiladas. Decent enchiladas…I can hardly imagine them (and my guess is that NM is one of the few states where you can actually get them). And good luck with your maternal unit. I hope that if she doesn't have anything nice to say, that she says nothing at all. (Not really plausible either?)

    February 11, 2011
  16. I love Twangy's idea. Enjoy the enchiladas, and good luck!

    February 11, 2011
  17. oh MAN — talk about being caught between a rock and a hard place. I vote for your mom, as whatever she says will, by the very fact that she is YOUR mother, hurt more. But that's ol' sensitive me.I'm hoping that you enjoyed some fab tex mex food.

    February 11, 2011
  18. ALso love Twangy's idea. The Mom vs The MIL – well that's tough but I am gonna bet on The Mom, for all the reasons given by the previous commenters, and descriptions in your previous posts. I hope you have a great trip – enchiladas sound fantastic right now.

    February 12, 2011
  19. Have a good time in NM! Eat some green chiles for me :).

    February 12, 2011
  20. Chow down.I dont want to make my bet. I makes me sad/mad for you. This is not the same as feeling sorry for you, which of course you know, but I wanted to put it into print.The world is filled with fuckers, but accidental and intentional. They both hurt, especially when you cannot tell the difference with the intent.

    February 12, 2011
  21. Sounds like you've got a double whammy com=ing from both maternal-units. At least if you Mum tries to say you were an ugly baby at least you have photographic evidence to prove otherwise.

    February 13, 2011
  22. Your mom and my mom sound like they could be friends. And my strategy for the last decade has been the one of making her feel appreciated without opening my heart, as you so aptly described here. Works for me. Hope it's also an appropriate one for you at this time, Bunny. I'm sad that it's such a tough relationship, especially now that it would actually be nice to turn towards your mom for advice and support. Enjoy the enchiladas and your siblings, and getting caught on camera while you scream desperately as the ghost children are coming to get you.

    February 13, 2011
  23. Well, happy birthday to your mother…and I hope that you atleast enjoy the enchiladas.Congratulations on your pregnancy.And thank you for the kind words you left me on my blog…

    February 14, 2011
  24. I hope it all went down ok – the visit with your mother AND the enchiladas! Looking forward to hearing an update 🙂

    February 14, 2011

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