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And the winner is…

Mother in law, by several lengths. My own mother was actually perfectly nice. It’s true that she was well distracted by birthday festivities, but she also made it clear that she had no intention of intruding unless invited. Of course, her meek attitude made me feel bad, too, as I’ve clearly been so harsh with her that she’s now afraid of me, and what kind of person can I be to have brought that about? But my feeling bad about this is my deal, and she’s not to blame for it.

ANYWAYS, this weekend I got to masquerade as Regular Pregnant Lady around my brother’s and mother’s friends. It was fine for the most part, though at one point, I found myself surrounded by women telling me how hard motherhood was going to be. Some were young women in the thick of parenting small children, while some were of my mother’s generation, but they were unanimous in telling me that there’s no single issue on which there’s not controversy. For example, I thought the whole “back to sleep” thing was pretty solid, but my sister in law revealed that after several sleepless nights listening to my niece aspirate her spit, she started putting her on her stomach, and she slept much better and had fewer digestive problems. FUCK! (My sister in law is a speech pathologist who works with small children with swallowing disorders and other stuff in that region, so I’m not inclined to blow off her experiences.) So after half an hour of horror stories and general moaning, I started to pretty much panic. OH MY GOD WHAT IF I CAN’T DO THIS!!!! WHAT IF I’M JUST AN OVER-EDUCATED INTELLECTUAL WITH NO INSTINCTS FOR ANYTHING WOMANLY?!?!?!?

I feel a little better now that I’ve escaped from those monsters, but now that I’m in the third trimester (OH MY GOD I’M IN THE THIRD TRIMESTER!) I think it’s classic to start freaking the fuck out.

The best solution is action, and now that the bathroom renovation is over, we can start taking some of that. Which leads me to a request: if you know anything about babies, would you be so good as to read this plea for information?

And if you don’t know anything about babies, don’t feel left out. I’ve got a request for you, too. LP 2 had her 8 week ultrasound on Monday, and I’d asked her to e-mail to let me know how it went. I also said if it didn’t go well, I’d understand if she wasn’t up to getting in touch. No word yet. Is it time to e-mail? Do I just say thinking of you, or do I say something more like thinking of you and won’t be offended if you don’t get in touch, but please get in touch if there’s nothing wrong? ‘Cause maybe she’s just busy? I always assume the worst when you guys go quiet, and often you’re just living your lives.

18 Comments Post a comment
  1. Breast pump: Medala pump & style all the way…they are spendy but worth EVERY PENNY. You will use it everyday you continue to feed…so it is WORTH IT!I couldn't live without a baby swing & exersaucer (3-7mo) – the little ones need something to do when we are pumping/cleaning/showering/cooking/etc.Pacifiers: They are good AND evil. Studies show they reduce chance of SIDS; our son loved his and it would calm him down instantly. He slept so well when he used one and just amazingly stopped (cold turkey) when he was 6mo old. I wouldn't "push" a paci on babies, but I wouldn't ban the idea either.

    February 17, 2011
  2. AL #

    i'm with you on the freaking out…right now, i'm just starting to get freaked out on what does this baby need? Congrats on the 3rd tri!!

    February 17, 2011
  3. JB #

    Medela pump n style may be covered by insurance or an HSA, and it is WAY worth it. Get a swing that swings hard — happiest baby on the block and all the bullshit, they will nap like behbehs when they're swinging big time. If the swing has music or a mobile, better still for when Bun Bun hits a couple of months and takes notice. A crib mobile that plays music and/or a crib aquarium (look it up on amazon) are very soothing and entertaining, and Bun Bun will eventually learn how to turn it on by him or herself to much delight. Pacifiers are fine, but some kids don't want them anyway (like mine). Some (like mine) prefer sucking on their hands or fingers and that works, too. Get some kind of baby sling or carrier so you can get shit done. Otherwise, your arm will fall off from carrying Bun Bun around. We have a bouncer/exersaucer type thingy too that is a big hit now at 5 months. I wouldn't waste time on elaborate bottle warmers or warmed wipe thingies or whatever — breeding ground for bacteria, takes just as long as heating the bottle under the tap; and wipes can be room temp and Bun Bun's bottom won't shrivel up in disgust. You might want to get a couple of different kinds of bottles, too, just one or two of each, as some babies are picky. That's all the assvice I have for now.

    February 17, 2011
  4. I agree w/the consensus regarding the Pump In Style, and I also want to give Medela a shout out. In January, they voluntarily recalled a limited set of Pump In Styles due to problematic reports on suction. My pump was recalled, and I have already received the replacement–it could not have been easier.In regards to cloth diapers: we tried and failed using gDiapers (I'd be surprised if they work well for baby boys [though I know several parents of girls who swear by them]). I do not like the whole cleaning situation associated with all-in-ones (I prefer to clean everything separately), so we use old-fashioned prefolds or kiss-a-luvs (which are basically shaped prefolds that snap at the waistband) with diaper covers. I plan to continue experimenting when we have a second baby, but I will be using a diaper service for the first three months. Cloth diapering infants is a lot of work. And everything is a lot of work then.The only things that were indispensable for us were: a place to set the baby down (a hand-me-down swing worked perfectly), a miracle blanket (aka baby straightjacket), and a pacifier. Actually, regarding the last one–our son took one from the beginning, but he refused them in favor of breast feeding (or screaming) at around three weeks old. It was horrid. I got desperate, and one day, I got out all the pacifiers I received from my shower and experimented until he would take one. For my baby, the pacifier is amazingly handy. Now that he's eleven months old, he only gets them when he's in his crib. It doesn't seem to be much of an issue.

    February 17, 2011
  5. Wow. That's a long comment. Sorry about that. Also, I should re-introduce myself: I read a lot but comment only rarely. Thanks for sharing your story and your hilarious point of view.

    February 17, 2011
  6. You'll work it out, bunny. I have total faith in the bunny instincts. Can't be THAT hard, for goodness sake, (though people take such JOY in proclaiming that it is) or the human race would have become extinct by now. Also, I note that said humans have more than one child, in a lot of cases. QED, etc.Now I'm worried about your friend, too. Hrmm, what to do? I think a gentle email is not going to offend anyone, is it? She'll only be checking email if she's up to it, I am reasoning? And an email is not intrusive.

    February 17, 2011
  7. THIRD TRI!!!! CONGRATS!!! I don't know anything about babies yet (what? not an expert at 12w5d? No sireee…), so I'll answer Question #2.An email would work. Just a "hey, I was thinking about you… hope you're doing okay" will suffice. Gives her the option of responding and regardless of how the u/s went (fingers crossed for good news!), she'll be touched that you thought about her.

    February 17, 2011
  8. but i don't know anything about babies OR tact. ask anyone.hell, i didn't know until this week that 0-3 month clothes apparently don't fit new babies (which raises troubling questions about what the heck 0 months is supposed to mean).

    February 17, 2011
  9. I use BumGenius diapers and they've been amazing, no problems whatsoever in the 3 months we've been using them. We use flushable liners with them which makes the diaper pail less stinky, though probably not strictly necessary till he starts solids and the REAL poop comes in.Everything I've found essential has been related to sleep. A cradle in our room, swaddles (they learn to escape a blanket swaddle pretty quick), and a good sling (We use MamanKangaroo and it's great). Oh, and he likes those play mat things where they lay on the floor and stuff hangs over their heads to play with. He'll happily amuse himself there while I cook, pump, etc.Not to get all mushy on you Bunny, but I think you're gonna be great at this. đŸ™‚

    February 17, 2011
  10. So glad to hear your mom was so nice! Not so sure about the baby stuff, but definitely send an email – this is very nice, and whether good or bad, it's good to feel like people have your back! Congrats on third trimester – amazing!!!

    February 17, 2011
  11. I got nothing on babies so on to question 2. I agree with the others that a simple "thinking of you" email would be appropriate. I can't believe you are in the 3rd tri!!!Whoooo hoooo

    February 17, 2011
  12. I don't know anything about babies. I DO think your instinct is gonna kick in. I mean, you're not gonna kill Bun Bun. If the idiots I see on those TV reality shows can do it, so can you.That said, I completely see where you're coming from here. I'll do my own freaking out when/if I hit that third trimester. By the way, YOU'RE IN THE THIRD TRIMESTER! Holy shit!As for your friend, though, I agree with Allison. Just an email checking in, telling her you're thinking of her, would be nice. I don't see how she could take that the wrong way.

    February 17, 2011
  13. I'm glad your mom was less intrusive than feared! About LP2, hm, I tend to get worried much too quickly too, but as others have said, sending a short email is nice and should not do any harm. Hoping all is well…

    February 17, 2011
  14. i'm quite the opposite of you in that i'm overconfident. probably way more so than i should be … dh and i don't want anyone in our house helping us in the first few weeks after baby girl gets here and everyone seems to think we're nuts. it's not like i think it'll be easy. after all this IF bullshit, i just wanna be greedy and not let anyone touch her until i'm good and ready. plus, so many friends (who i don't really deem very competent) have taken care of their babies (just with help from spouses) in the first weeks and none of them have managed to kill their babies, so i figure –> if THEY can do it, dh & i are sure to be rockstars :o) i put you in the *most competent* category, so you and mr bunny are gonna do great and be great parents! no worries please :o)re: your professor friend. i'd leave her be. you asked for an update, and i'm sure she'll come around to one when she's ready. never know what she's thinking. it could be more in line with the "i'm not sure we're ready for this" bullshit that made you wanna stab her to begin with. god forbid that *is* what she's thinking right now, you don't wanna hear it!!!

    February 17, 2011
  15. Nothing to say on the baby front (yet) nor on the LP2 front (I'm useless), but I do want to say WOOHOOOOOOOO for T3. Your Bun Bun belly looks beautiful. Glad the mother was behaving. Sorry MIL. You win the contest of most awful. Sucks to be you.

    February 18, 2011
  16. glad the visit was good, but we are in exactly the same boat as you – we have NO clue about any of this baby stuff. the conflicting information is impossible to decipher!

    February 18, 2011
  17. I think a third trimester freakout is not only normal, it's obligatory. Glad you weathered the time away and that the ghosts of mental hospital patients didn't getcha.In terms of LP, I also think a gentle e-mail isn't a bad idea. But if you don't hear back, I'd let it go at that and leave it up to her as far as getting in touch. Could be that things went great and she just got caught up with other stuff. Could be that things went badly. If it's the second, in her shoes, I'd appreciate an e-mail. But it would also probably take me a long time to come out of my dark, dark cave.

    February 20, 2011
  18. Freak not Bunny.Rocco always used to say shit like, well you give her the bath cause you are so good at it. Like I went to bath school. Nope, you just do what needs to be done.I had the pump that starts w an A. They told me it was cheaper since they don't pay for marketing? I had a very low milk production. Perhaps I can blame the machine? Go for the medela.Binki was rejected by toddlerina for a long time, then one day she took it. Oh my did it help. It sure did not allow her to forget she was hungry, so forget that scare tactic. Then one day we took it away and she was a beast for about an hour, then never cried for it again. So much more positive than negative here. Could not have gotten naps w out it.

    February 20, 2011

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