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The Bunny Family Goes to School

Last night Mr. Bunny and I went to our first HOLY SHIT PREGNANCY CAN RESULT IN A REAL BABY class, Infant Care. It was strange on a number of levels for a number of reasons.

First, we were both grumpy, having worked all day on not enough sleep. Since the class was at the hospital across the street from my office, we foolishly chose to meet up for dinner at the hospital cafeteria. The revolting fare further soured my mood, leading to a mini squabble in which I blamed him for not wanting to be there. Just another reflection of my anxiety that his more relaxed attitude towards planning and information-seeking indicates that I will be all on my own when it comes to raising Bun Bun. (Recall the housedress, fried bologna, dead fridge on porch vision…) Then I started freaking out because we were going to be the sullen couple everyone would feel sorry for because we were clearly on the brink of divorce. WOW. Anyway, we apologized  to each other several times, but I was still extra annoyed every time he checked his phone or sighed with exhaustion during the class. I mean, FUCK. If I can gestate our fetus, the least he can do is sit through a class with some goodwill.

Second, this class marked a transition from baby as Highly Theoretical to baby as Quite a Bit More Concrete. While I certainly try to visualize Bun Bun as a real screaming, shitting, refusing-to-feed-properly entity (I mean, I visualize the good stuff too, but that comes easily), there’s something about a bunch of photos of newborns that makes it all seem more real. Newborns with their hideous and yet quite standard rashes and blotches and assorted blemishes. And of course the whole point of the class is to help people start making that transition, getting hip to the reality of, you know, infant care. Still, it was our first brush with the less romantic, more serious aspects of this whole project, and it was…exciting, and yet…sobering.

Third, this class involved Other People. Mr. Bunny said afterwards, It was weird being around other people! Which is very true. We rarely interact with other people as a couple these days. And these people were all pregnant couples, which made us feel like we were on a new planet. And some of them were kinda awful. I particularly hated the guy who, when asked to list a major anxiety, said he’d been with his partner for eighteen years and that they knew each other very well and that he had no anxieties about parenting at all. I mean, BULLY FOR HIM, but I secretly hope that he discovers knowing your partner doesn’t inoculate you against sleep-deprivation fueled screaming and weeping matches and misunderstandings and late night episodes of terror. (For the record, my major anxiety: I’m afraid that my baby will die. The Other People seemed a bit taken aback by that.)

Anyway, I think this was a necessary stage to pass though, I’m just struck by how much one little class can reveal about my inner demons. This weekend is our (private–no Other People at least…) C-section class, so we’ll see what that one reveals. Tip: put your money on feelings of massive inadequacy and sadness about not being able to deliver vaginally.

20 Comments Post a comment
  1. Oh dear. On the other hand, all this is par for the course, I would have thought. People do do this stuff all the time and everyone survives – and if the Others are anything to go by, you can do it with little or no imagination at all. Like that guy. Good luck to him.(EYEROLL).

    March 11, 2011
  2. I think I would have hated those Other People and their stupid happy faces.:)

    March 11, 2011
  3. Oh god bunny, i love you, so funny and so true! Yeah I wish I had gotten to go to school prior to the blessed event but they don't let ya when you are on bedrest! C-sections and the recovery from them are not bad but yeah I'm sad about not having a "normal" vaginal birth.

    March 11, 2011
  4. ASP #

    Imagine R and I in an infant care class being the only ones NOT pregnant. You want to talk about panic attack inducing overwhelmingness. I'm happy we went and it was super informative, but for us, it meant we were one step closer to our adoption potentially falling part and not being able to do crap about it. I hated everyone in that class. It's the stupidness of infertility that makes us this way. Gah. You're one step closer to the reality of holding your baybay. 😉 Everything is going to be a-okay for you and Baby Bun Bun!

    March 11, 2011
  5. AL #

    We have another month til our newborn care class and I dread having the same sort of experience. Particularly my wanted to stab some a-hole that says he's not concerned about anything about taking care of a newborn. IDIOT!!!!bun bun will get her safely (and soon!) and you and mr bunny will take awesome care of him / her.

    March 11, 2011
  6. I wish I could drag my husband into an infant care class (why weren't they mandatory for our homestudy? the other stupid class we had to take was virtually useless). I've got a bit of experience with babies having grown up in the largest, most fertile family ever, but he's going to have figure it out by doing apparently. I'm pretty sure if he did go, he would do the sighing and checking his phone (based on past performance anyway).That guy would have annoyed me, too. I'm surprised you were the only parent worried about their baby dying…surely it's not only an IFer's fear?

    March 11, 2011
  7. Just love the way you write! I could totally picture me and my hubs in the same way in that class. The hubs will be looking at his phone, and I'll be getting increasingly annoyed… And hanging with the Others – that has be so weird!

    March 11, 2011
  8. bunny, dear heart? you deliberately ate in a hospital cafeteria? as in, on purpose? did you get a psych work-up while you were there? 'cause you need one. possibly also neuro.for the record, the couple in our birth class we are sure will be history before the year is out never argued. rather, they were so junior high goopy you just wanted to throw up — THAT's what's not going to survive a baby. a nice couple of bunnies who do things together even when they're not wildly fond of each other sounds like exactly the kind whose marriage will survive some adorable, rashy, puking, angelic stress.

    March 11, 2011
  9. M #

    I kinda think that being afraid the baby will die actually is an IF-centric fear: when I said it aloud in our class, people–including the instructor–quietly freaked out and quickly moved on. Also, Other People–especially Other, Easily Pregnant People–have a way of exacerbating my inner demons; maybe the c-section class will be better?

    March 11, 2011
  10. Is it wrong that I snorted when imagining other people's faces when you verbalized your major anxiety? To be clear, I did not snort AT your anxiety (people in glass houses, after all) but when imagining the shock of the chirpy and cornfed at someone having the guts to just come out and say it. Glad you and Mr. Bunny smoothed it over, and I'm with you. He can very well sit there. With bells on. (Come to think of it, I would probably need bells to prevent MY husband from falling asleep).

    March 11, 2011
  11. What an excellent rendition of the awesome infertile goes to the Infant Care Class. I laughed my ass off when you told about your biggest anxiety. Of course, I believe that this *is* your biggest fear and that is not why I laughed. I laughed at the effect on the crowd.I relish speaking my truth when others expect b.s. and seeing how flummoxed they become. A lot of Other People aren't ready for real.Hey, I'm sorry you both had a bad case of the grumps. Hospital cafeteria food rarely does any good to alleviate that. And I do want to hear (read) about your experience in the cesarean section class, feelings of loss about a vaginal birth and all.

    March 12, 2011
  12. cgd #

    so excited for you as you make your way through the end of this journey. Yay bunbun

    March 12, 2011
  13. I think you are awesome for articulating your anxiety! Those Other People deserved the shock! I think b/c I was in a multiples class, probably with a good percentage of IFers as fellow classmates (I only went to one, we had to skip part 2 b/c of bedrest), that we were all pretty freaked out and no one was an a-hole like that one dude. xoxoPS My hubs muttered over and over again that could lop off 2 hours of the 4 hour class thanks to all of the video-watching and long breaks. And he didn't even eat crappy cafeteria food beforehand. 🙂

    March 12, 2011
  14. Please don't feel bad. My classes start in a couple of months and I'm totally nervous about them and I am sure I will be just like you. It's a weird transition.

    March 12, 2011
  15. this post is a perfect example of why i love you, bunny :o) everything you wrote is what i can imagine feeling when we go to our class in a few weeks. i'm already thinking of telling dh he has to leave his crackberry behind. my slight fear is that i will be giggling throughout the class and that he will be giving MOI dirty looks to *behave*. i don't like being around other pregnant couples bc i just assume they each got knocked up on the first try and it makes me BITTA. dh would be pissed at me if i said what my true fear was (the same as yours), esp in front of other ppl, but if they piss me off enough, i'll do it :o)

    March 12, 2011
  16. For the love of heaven, do NOT stick your finger in the soft spot Bunny!

    March 12, 2011
  17. Yeah, the infant care class was weird to say the least, but we did learn some things that we're using now :)Let me know if you have any c-section questions. I freaked the f out about mine and wasn't really prepared for all that was involved (but I'd also never had surgery before).

    March 12, 2011
  18. Re: Your c-section. It may not be what you want, but it will result in the birth of your amazing, precious child and that will make it perfect. Also, I bet every single one of those couples will check to make sure their sleeping babies are breathing – it's not just you (or me)!

    March 12, 2011
  19. Yeah, during childbirth class my husband kept looking at his bberry and hiding it, as if he were a very clever 7 year old, but yet fooled nobody. It was awesome. Made me feel like I was dragging said 7 year old to some boring grown-up event. There were definitely some evil glances exchanged, just in case anyone was to confuse us with the "we get along perfectly always" couple.Oh, — c section recovery — not bad at all. Seriously, I'd do it again. I have a whole post on it in my head which I will one day share….

    March 12, 2011
  20. Oh Bunny. I love your posts and the animated way in which you tell your story is awesome. I could see you and Mr. Bunny sitting in the hospital cafeteria all annoyed. I have to admit that I laughed until I cried because I can so relate. As far as other people, we have our infant cpr class on Friday. I am hoping for the best in that respect.

    March 13, 2011

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