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This does NOT get old

The other day I was googling fatigue during the third trimester, to get a sense of whether my deep and abiding exhaustion is normal. Before long I found myself in the land of hits that were not about being pregnant and tired, but were instead about being tired of being pregnant. Twee little remarks like …and let’s face it, you’re a little tired of being pregnant by now... Wink! Nudge! We’re all FERTILE WHORES girls here!

Watching some of you go through this, it’s seemed pretty clear that the third trimester is nature’s way of making sure you actively want to give birth, both in the sense of accepting that the amazing closeness of sharing your body with a fetus is ending, and in the sense of being ready to go through the experience of pushing him or her on out of there. And I knew that my happy days of skipping through the second trimester land of flowers and bluebirds would gradually morph into something that involved…waddling. Back aches. Exhaustion.

Well, the Time of Waddling is upon me, friends. As are the backaches. (I must say, even if I wanted to accomplish things at work, being unable to sit in a chair for more than ten minutes would make it difficult.) And the exhaustion–wow. I get up in the morning feeling groggy and shitty, and it’s downhill from there. It’s not the mysterious stunned-with-a-sledgehammer exhaustion of T1, either, it’s more like being reeeeeeeally old. A million, billion, trillion years old.

I was relatively prepared for all that, and I’m prepared for it to get worse. After all, my body doesn’t know it’s getting a c-section, so it has to make me want to push a baby out rather than endure another day of whole-body discomfort.

But I was not prepared for this: I still can’t believe I’m pregnant. It still blows my mind every damn day. Even as I get accustomed to having a frisky fetus poking me in all kinds of places, I still struggle to believe that this has actually worked. And while I acknowledge that this pregnancy has been completely trouble free (knock on every available wooden object)–no endless nausea, no scary contractions, no bleeding, no bedrest, no GD, nothing!–which doubtless has a major impact on my point of view, I just don’t think I could become tired of the amazingness of the miracle.

Last night Mr. Bunny had his hand on my belly and said something like if only we could have a baby and keep this part too! I reserve the right to change my mind when I am crippled with pain in a few weeks, but for now, I wholeheartedly agree.

19 Comments Post a comment
  1. i never got sick of it, fwiw. it's probably for the best that the bean came earlier than i expected and with little warning, as i didn't have time to get really maudlin about pregnancy ending. i must admit that the smoked salmon and soft-cooked eggs taste pretty damn good, though.

    March 23, 2011
  2. Mr. Bunny is just the sweetest :). I'm glad you're enjoying your pregnancy!

    March 23, 2011
  3. AL #

    Not sick of it or miserable over here either but there's still time, I guess. It is so incredibly surreal, I still can't fathom that I'm pregnant and having a baby. too amazing.

    March 23, 2011
  4. I could have written this post. Just today, I had an ultrasound and they gave us a 3D picture of Baby Wannabe and I cried. I still can't believe I'm pregnant. I can't believe we're going to have a baby. It really is a true miracle and privledge to be here. I am humbled by the experience every day. With that, I am also tired in the exact way you describe, groggy and feel like I'm a hundred (ok, a million) years old. My body doesn't move like my brain wants it to. I have been waddling for weeks now and my lower back is on fire most days, all day long. But I'm still in awe of every hiccup (love those!), kick, rollover, etc. that this beautiful Baby W gives me and I wouldn't change a single thing. I'm glad your experience has been as amazing and fulfilling as mine! I'm hoping for both of us that this continues as we hit the tome stretch!

    March 23, 2011
  5. I totally agree with you — I was uncomfortable and tired and achy, and was getting kicked in all sorts of places, but I still loved it. And for the first week or so, I really missed being pregnant and having my child inside me, all to myself. Perhaps in my case it took me a while to get my mind around not being pregnant since Benjamin came into the world so early. Either way, I'd like both, too.I meant to comment on the husband thingy… I have all of those stupid boy books, and I'm the only one who has read them. And I had a c-section, so there was no real need for that birth partner one, anyway. But he has been awesome since the baby arrived. So there is hope.

    March 23, 2011
  6. This is nice to read, Bunny. Really. I'm glad to know that it really can be awesome to be pregnant–if not in the ways I think it will, then at least to the extent–and beyond!–that I think it will. So glad it's suiting you. Oh! And I wanted to respond to your man-participation post too. Will get back there soon. xoxo

    March 23, 2011
  7. I just know I would have been an awesome pregnant woman too. I know I would have loved every minute of it just as you do! Enjoy every second because in a blink of the eye he'll be a 4 year old wanting every stinking toy he sees on tv and asking for them re-lent-less-ly!!! lol

    March 23, 2011
  8. Glad your enjoying it, keep going until the bitter, no sweet, end.

    March 23, 2011
  9. When is little BunBun actually due to make an appearance? Sounds like it's getting closer as you get blissfully bigger.

    March 24, 2011
  10. JB #

    I bitched and moaned because OW GODDAMMIT I was in pain and full of suffering those last few weeks (and did have the nausea for, oh, say, nearly 9 months) but I honestly remained in total awe of that big ol' pregnant belleh up until the moment Jackson was born. And labor and delivery turned out to be much easier for me than the entire pregnancy had been (how weird is that?). I remember, upon holding him fresh from the womb, one of the first things I did was to feel my belly — now empty and almost flat (hahaha, just deflated) — because I was still in TOTAL FUCKING AWE that a baby had just been birthed from there. From ME. I look at him today, at 6 months old (holy shit!) and STILL feel that way. It truly never gets old.

    March 24, 2011
  11. This sent a little ray of sunshine in my heart. I am very glad that you are not tired of this and I am wallowing in your spare joy here. Keep it up.Lordy. The boss twins preggers are ones to complain. I haven't even BEGUN to tell those tales. Harumph. Anyhoo, thanks for the little bit of sun. Very much needed the Vitamin D today.

    March 24, 2011
  12. Oh this post is so sweet and lovely! I love this!!! A pregnancy after infertility really is a different experience, isn't it?

    March 24, 2011
  13. Ah. Bunny, you have a good, unjaded heart. Waddle on, my friend.

    March 24, 2011
  14. This is really sweet. I LOVE how much you love being pregnant.I wish I could be there with you. I mean, I am in the sense that I would never want to give it up. I'd endure all of the bad for the good any day… But if I could just get rid of the endless nausea, I think I'd be 100% happier and sunnier about the whole thing. Right now, I kind of force it.By the way, Mr. Bunny is completely adorable.

    March 24, 2011
  15. "My body doesn't know it's getting a C-section" is a great observation :)And (I think I've said this before) I love how in awe you are of your pregnancy experience. It makes me enjoy reading your posts, and, as probably every infertile knows, that's usually not easy with a now-pregnant blogger.

    March 24, 2011
  16. Despite a very uncomfortable last few weeks or pregnancy, I really, really miss being pregnant now. I miss my big belly and those lovely kicks. Glad you are savoring this time. It will be over before you know it (but you get a baby then, which is doubly awesome).

    March 25, 2011
  17. I hope I am late to the game and no one reads this comments and takes it the wrong way, but…. pregnancy blogs typically so laaaaaame.Yours is so very rock and roll. I guess cause you were never a fertile whore.

    March 25, 2011
  18. despite all my bitching about my contractions, i love love love being pregnant. and every day, i'm in awe that i'm *still* pregnant. i feel like i'm partly in lalaland, but then a contraction will kick in and bring me back down to earth. you're in the home stretch bunnny!!! i can't wait until little bun bun is here! i'm still guessing you're having a BOY!!! xoxo.

    March 25, 2011
  19. This post is so wonderful, Bunny. I keep imagining that getting pregnant would be difficult to believe for the entire 40 weeks, and by your account, it really is hard to believe. And yet, here you are, feeling bloody tired and loving every second of it. I am so thankful to who or whatever made this possible for you, Bunny.

    March 26, 2011

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