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Reinvention

I had a hard time starting this here internet web-journal thingy. I never imagined myself being one of Those People, creating an anonymous–and therefore totally glorified–version of myself for consumption by strangers. But I’d been reading IF weblogs and then wanting to comment and then feeling like I had my own things to say and then really wanting to say them…so I did it. Even though I was pretty embarrassed. Because the difference between this space and my hand-written journal is you, the audience. Once you have an audience it becomes hard to pretend you don’t believe, deep in your deepest heart, that what you’re writing is worth reading. That you’re interesting. Which is so obviously not true in my case. But I was able to get over my self-consciousness and start writing because our community is based on a need to give and receive support. Even boring people can give and get support. And I figured that when I got securely pregnant, I would stop.

Of course, there were a couple of factors I failed to take into account. First, the attachment I’d feel to people. And sure, I could just follow your stories without contributing my own, but then it wouldn’t be a conversation. I’d miss that. Second, the fact that I’d still want support. Yep, I’m now deeply needy and can’t do without you. So even though I’m still embarrassed, I’m going to continue writing.

But I do want to give you fair warning. Infertility changes you, thus parenting after infertility is different from plain old parenting. However, I can already tell that it shares one important feature: the need to complain. I’m going to need to express frustration, despair, anger, annoyance, fear, even though I’m aware such things might not make enjoyable reading. I thought about having a symbol that would warn people when they were in danger of reading something that might seem ungrateful or insufficiently sensitive to the feelings of people struggling to build their families. You know, like the chili peppers you see on a Thai menu warning you when an item is particularly spicy? I was thinking it would be a Black Bunny of Ingratitude and Callousness. But then I thought, when would I not want that symbol to appear? So I replaced my header.*

Henceforth, let the Black Bunny of Ingratitude and Callousness apply to all posts. Any post may contain material that seems ungrateful and insufficiently sensitive to the feelings of people still struggling to get that take-home baby. If you can’t bear to read about these things, you know what to do. I will miss you, but I will fondly dream that you might come back some day when you’re experiencing some of the same things yourselves.

*The image comes from a beautiful Japanese print

21 Comments Post a comment
  1. obviously i'm speaking from a position of privilege here, but the blogs i can't stand are the ones that go from complaining about IF to only! perfect! happiness! post-baby. i'd so much rather hear some funny complaints than just bragging about perfect babies/BLESSINGS and still having two pounds to go! when the little raisin is 3 weeks old.i stopped reading a blog like that. i like yours, and i don't want to give it up. vive le lapin noir!

    May 31, 2011
  2. Love the new header! And complain away I'll do my best to contribute. Like how I'm hooked up to the breast pump right now and there's a friggin mosquito trying to bite me— awesome now I know how a cow feel!

    May 31, 2011
  3. Life isn't suddenly perfect when you get pregnant after IF (far from it) and it can't be even close to that after you've come out the other end with that take-home kid. Complain away! Shit is rough sometimes!

    May 31, 2011
  4. Love this. I hate it when people get pregnant, or have their babies, and drop off the face of the blog earth. Granted, I understand that people get busy, but you people are my friends! And keep up the honesty. Sure you may be a bit callous, but we need a bit more honesty around here! Looking forward to reading your black bunny posts…

    May 31, 2011
  5. I'm still reading and enjoying your posts. Glad to see you still posting 🙂

    May 31, 2011
  6. I love the new header and I am glad you are staying with us. I have enjoyed getting to know you through your posts and just like anyone that I consider a friend, I want to know about the ups and downs of parenting after IF.

    May 31, 2011
  7. Bunny, I would love to continue a conversation with you. When I left the IF blogs, you were not yet pregnant, and so it made sense to me that you didn't comment on (or read) my new parenting blog. But now that you are a parenting blogger too, well, I hope you reconsider! If you choose not to keep up with me, well, that's just how this blog world goes, and I totally respect your blog reading decisions! But you were one of the *people* whose support I really, really appreciated during the struggle, and someone who it would be nice to continue to stay in touch with. I always appreciate your wit, and will continue reading your blog in any case. …And I love the print. I FEEL the mama and baby bunny love emanating from these simple forms!

    May 31, 2011
  8. I freaking love you and would cry if you up and left; THAT'S how not-boring you are. I would also be pissed if suddenly Bunny was all sunshine and rainbows and not keepin' it real. It makes the good stuff all the more sincere, if you ask me.

    May 31, 2011
  9. What a lovely frolicking dark bunny twosome that print is! Keep writing while you have the need to write, I know I do, and I have thought similarly but from the other other-side. I am connected and so are you.:)

    June 1, 2011
  10. Love the new header :). Blogging after parenthood is…interesting. I'm sure I'm hurting a lot of people with my incessant picture posting, but man it's hard not to at this point.In the past, I always just slowly stopped reading if IF-turned-parent blogs struck the wrong chord with me, so I don't think it's on the writer themselves to censor their posts. Most people will just click away if they can't handle it…But anyway, I'm glad you're still writing :).

    June 1, 2011
  11. Love the new header, Bunny. And your writing. I'll be stickin' around, thanky very much.

    June 1, 2011
  12. Well said. I personally have found the transition from IF blogger to parenting blogger…mostly in fear that somehow I will sound ungrateful or insensitive. But I think what makes this community so wonderful is that we KNOW that despite any complaining, challenges, etc. in parenting, there is nothing more that you wanted in the world and that you are grateful. Keep writing, I love me some Bunny!

    June 1, 2011
  13. So, is the bigger bunny in front looking back over his shoulder to rub it in the little guy's face that he's winning the frolickathon? I appreciate the honesty and would much rather read about the REAL things in your and Bun Bun's lives, so keep it up.

    June 1, 2011
  14. cgd #

    love to you (always)…

    June 1, 2011
  15. I'm attached to you too, (she typed, arrogantly assuming herself to be among the people referred to) and would be sad if you disappeared. I find you very funny and clever.Also, I do enjoy a bit of oul complainin'. It's good to hear a realistic view of life with child. Unleash the Black Bunny of Ingratitude and Callousness, bunny!

    June 1, 2011
  16. I'm always sad when someone drops off the radar after having a baby. Cause parenting is complex and confusing and difficult and joyful and it helps to read someone else's take on things – and yes – to get support that is often desperately needed. I look forward to the continued adventures of Glum Mommy Bunny. No apologies required.

    June 1, 2011
  17. AL #

    I'm so glad you're planning to still write and honestly about parenting after IF. I hate that so many people stop writing or only write about the rosiness of parenting…it's not all sunshine and rainbows. Just as pregnancy after IF isn't.

    June 2, 2011
  18. it bothers me when ppl drop off the face of the earth after they have a baby. i might start a new blog after baby girl comes, or just protect some of my old posts, in case i get found out, which would suck. glad you're just revamping the page and sticking with us bunny :o) otw, i'd have to stalk you and show up at your doorstep! xoxo.

    June 2, 2011
  19. You are a scream. I would be so very pissed off if you left us. Black Bunny of Ingratitude makes me laugh!I am home from my *powerful* and *important* job today as Toddlerina has a fever. Ok, truth is that I am a peon, but I still have a shit load I am accountable to complete. Oops, so much for that. While I dont wish this on you, it will come your way and I bet my bottom dollar you will make me consider peeing my pants.

    June 3, 2011
  20. Er, when you tell your story I mean….(Lack of focus. Trying to chow while baby sleeps. You know the drill.)

    June 3, 2011
  21. Oh black bunny of ingratitude is awesome!I love the new look. And you are SO NOT BORING. You are anti boredom.You are the bees knees. We love you.xxx

    June 4, 2011

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