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Warning: Things are going well

This is a post about the fact that things are going well. So if things are not going well in your corner of the world, go have a drink. Or read this and smack me for my bragging. But I think people who do not yet have babies but who are likely to have babies (pregnant-after-IF women who are, say, 39 weeks pregnant, and of course FERTILE WHORES) might like to know that things CAN go well.

Summary Version: I live in the land of fairy tales, where unicorns eat roses out of my hand as I comb my golden locks with a golden comb and drink golden tequila.

More Detailed Version: For the first few weeks of Bun Bun’s life, Mr. Bunny kept saying things like We have an easy baby! Or...She sleeps so well! Or She never cries! And I’d freak out because it was so obviously hubristic to say such things, and plus, you have no idea what kind of baby you have when she’s only a few weeks old. But enough time has passed that it seems only fair to acknowledge Bun Bun is in fact an easy baby.

For me, the tipping point came a couple of weekends ago, when we cleaned the house. While we normally clean once a month, we haven’t bothered since a week before Bun Bun was born. We stay on top of things, so it’s not like there were stacks of dirty dishes crawling with cockroaches or anything, but the dust drifts and trails of breastmilk droplets had gotten pretty horrifying.  (To be honest, I’m extremely neat, so it was only my iron will that kept me from ripping my face off at the state of things.) The night before, I was convinced we could never pull it off. I mean, we have a brand new baby–how on earth were we going to clean an entire two-story house? I imagined Bun Bun abandoned in a pile of old newspapers, screaming her lungs out, while Mr. Bunny hit the nearest bar and I hid in a closet, clutching a duster and trembling. But no. It went off without a hitch. In fact, turns out it’s a lot harder to clean when nine months pregnant than with a month-old baby. Because unlike a fetus, your partner can hold the baby some of the time. (Try that with a fetus and you’ll NEVER get it back in your uterus.) And since Mr. Bunny’s primary duty is vacuuming, he could do it with Bun Bun in a baby carrier. Aside from taking a break to feed her a couple times, it was much like a normal housecleaning day. Ergo, we have an easy baby.

So, what does it mean to have an easy baby? Well, it clearly doesn’t mean that breastfeeding is fun and trouble-free. If you’re reading this on two hours of sleep with mastitis just so you can have the pleasure of smacking me, do keep in mind the BLOODY NIPPLES of yore. But although nursing is still not perfect, it’s all been made much more bearable because Bun Bun only eats every two hours during the day. And she eats very quickly. She sucks down the contents of a single breast in about five minutes and is satisfied. So this means a nursing session only takes about half an hour. Which means that I can get shit done in between. Like, I made these.

Lavender sachets for the Bun Bunnery. And now all her tiny clothes smell lovely.

And, Bun Bun sleeps at night and only requires one middle of the night feeding. Generally she eats at 9 PM, at 3:30 AM, and at 8. That’s right. 8 AM. Which is morning by any definition. And because she only uses one side at a time I can pump the other side at 3:30 AM, thereby slowly building up a stash without any particular effort.

AND…she is easily soothed and does not cry unless greatly aggravated. She grunts and squeaks a lot, but all those baby soothing techniques we studied up on have been totally unnecessary. Which sort of makes it all the more alarming when she does cry, but she has never cried for more than about thirty seconds.

I understand that by putting all of this in writing, I am ensuring that it will end today. That from this day forth she will insist on being fed every thirty seconds and never sleep again and scream ceaselessly. But just as I wanted to record the details of how breastfeeding was not completely easy so that I could never pretend it was, I want to record the fact that pretty much everything else HAS been easy, so that I can never pretend it wasn’t.

And yet, this will not prevent me from complaining about various things, as I am an ungrateful cow.

I’m ready for my smackings now.

17 Comments Post a comment
  1. Bun Bun sounds delightful! Something's gotta go right, surelybetogod, so I'm glad you got the easy baby part. And yay also that feeding is better!:)

    June 25, 2011
  2. Sounds awesome, Bunny. Just keep the feedings reasonable; I want her onesie to fit. Keep enjoying!

    June 25, 2011
  3. I'm not a superstitious person but KNOCK ON EVERY PIECE OF WOOD IN YOUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW!!!! LOL!! Seriously though, her schedule/little personality already is something to be proud of–So post away!!

    June 25, 2011
  4. ana #

    Its actually nice to know from someone who seems (at least by reading your blog for the past couple of months) to be honest that it CAN go so well. My little guy was the complete opposite…like other than the bloody nipples part, everything you write here is 360 from what we experienced. He's fantastic NOW, but truly seemed to despise being a newborn and made it known to the world. It made me wonder if everyone else in the world was LYING about there happy babies that slept so well.

    June 25, 2011
  5. This is such great news! I love hearing how Bun Bun is such an easy baby. And you even made lavender sachets? Fabulous! I'm so happy for you that everything is going so well for you. Now go knock on that wood!!!

    June 25, 2011
  6. Hrm. Not feeling particularly smacky, I don't know why that is. Maybe the reference to the BLOODY FISSURE. (SHUDDERSHUDDERSHUDDER). I always die a bit when I imagine that. Those little sachets are so sweet.

    June 25, 2011
  7. i. hate. you. or, i wish i could hate you, but i don't. but i'll try harder. post to come on my sweet-as-an-angel baby who becomes possessed for 5-6 hours every night and makes us loopy. i cannot believe you had time to SEW with a newborn at home. you're clearly more adept than i am at this.

    June 25, 2011
  8. You're not kidding when you describe her as an easy baby! Just be glad you wrote this AFTER Wes started sleeping, otherwise I'd be awfully mad right now. Seriously, she sounds like an absolute lavender-scented joy.

    June 25, 2011
  9. JB #

    And your baby even SMELLS like LAVENDER. Jaysus. Mine just turded what looked rather like an intact carrot but DID NOT smell like fresh produce. He's obviously quite difficult.No, really, it's only fair to report on everything as it is. There will probably be some bumps in the road later on (SPOILER ALERT: teething! sleep regression! deswaddling!) so these better-than-expected times should be savored.

    June 26, 2011
  10. ASP #

    Amen, Sister, amen. I can honestly testify that O has been a pretty easy baby from go and continues to be an easy baby. Yeah, sure there are days when I'm dog ass tired but it's been, dare I say, a piece of cake? I'm waiting for all Hell to break loose at some point, but for now, things are going pretty dang well. I hope your streak continues and goes well until the teen years 😉

    June 26, 2011
  11. Awww! This gives me a little glimmer of hope as I'm 2,000% convinced that I will have Satan's spawn in a few weeks who will scream and cry and then vomit on himself to no end, while Hubby will be all "MAKE HIM STOP" and then we'll have some major fights on top of an inconsolable child.So, I like your fairy tale. 🙂

    June 26, 2011
  12. This is awesome news! YAY BUNBUN!!!!!I love that you are 100% aware that you have an easy baby and are grateful for it. Since we have two—one easy baby like BunBun (Champ) and one firecracker/gassy baby (Honey)—I realize how much luck is involved in the baby's temperament. So I am forever annoyed at Moms who act like they have an easy baby b/c they are such rockstar Moms who did everything perfect and read all the books and mothered the baby JUST RIGHT from the beginning and thus earned the easy baby….does that make sense? I mean, I am sure you are doing all of those things (of course you are!), but my experience suggests it's totally chance whether or not you have a chill, mellow baby or the opposite.Also, MILK DROPLETS!!!!! hahahahhaha. Yes, we have those everywhere and it's my mission to scrub the floor of them today, you have inspired me. I have never heard anyone else talk about this phenomenon! I leak like crazy—and have the trail of splotches all over our pretty hard wood floors to prove it. Haha.xoxoxo

    June 26, 2011
  13. Good thing you deserve an easy baby or I would have to bitch slap you. Hard. I second the milk spots. They are EVERYWHERE. Along with mustard-colored poo, pee, bloody underwear (mine- b/c I keep underestimating how LONG I will bleed) and second-hand milk (aka spitup). My machine has never worked so hard.

    June 26, 2011
  14. Well, honestly, this is great to hear. It gives me a glimmer of hope! I have very little of it right now…mostly, I'm thinking Wink is going to do nothing but scream and poop for the first six months of her life until I go crazy.The FEAR has set in.Glad to hear there's a chance!

    June 27, 2011
  15. Oak #

    You made it through six weeks and didn't get the dreaded "six week fussies"? Yes, you officially suck. And you made lavendar sachets? WTF – you're making me look bad.

    June 27, 2011
  16. I love that you have an easy baby! I feel like Isaac is pretty easy now, too, after reading about colicky babies who cry nonstop (I. only cries if I'm too slow getting the boob or bottle to his mouth), and now that he is starting to take naps (he's always done well at night). He's breaking me in gently to this motherhood thing… Congrats :).

    June 28, 2011
  17. Dammit all I got is a big zit on my pregnant chin.

    June 30, 2011

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