Ways in which I’ve broken my baby
Seeing as how I’m a professional woman and all, which means I’m controlling and rigid, I’m trying to be as mellow as I can about Bun Bun’s overall health. But in her brief lifetime, she’s already gotten busted in a few small ways that give me a little peek into the future. A future filled with guilt.
1. It’s HOT here, and has been HOT and will continue to be HOT, and we were a tiny bit careless about keeping her neck folds clean and dry, and she got a rash. So I was like I’ll clean it off with some alcohol, and then apply some diaper rash cream. The rash went from slightly red to angry and blistered, in, like, five seconds. Then it peeled and is now fine, but still. I felt bad.
2. We have been LAX about TUMMY TIME. Perhaps because it has such a stupid name. Maybe I’d do better if it were called Regular Abdominal and Neck Muscle Development Periods, or RANMDP. Anyway, she hates it, and I was like so fucking what if her head gets flat? It will all work out in the end. But at her two month check up, we were told because her head is flat (which it totally is. Ooops.), she has a tendency to spend too much time with her head turned to the right, and her neck muscles are getting stiff. I immediately recalled having read about this in one of the infant books, and had even been paying attention to which way her head tended to turn for a while, but then I…forgot about it. The pediatrician* said she needs physical therapy or to see a craniosacral therapist. For the time being, we’re drastically ramping up the RANMDP, including all forms of not-on-her-back time, like on-my-chest time, and doing some exercises for her neck. But DAMN! Be warned, friends. Tummy time is FOR REAL.
3. Vaccinations. There is something super special about knowing your happy, innocent child is about to be hurt and not being able to do anything about it. I made Mr. Bunny hold her as I just couldn’t, but when she screamed in rage and pain and obvious disappointment that the world had turned out to be a cruel and heartless place and that her parents had utterly failed to protect her (she has a very expressive cry), I burst into tears. I knew it would be an unpleasant experience, but I hadn’t anticipated how awful it would make me feel. I’m so glad we get to do this over and over.
Speaking of busted, by claiming that I had mastered breastfeeding, I clearly tempted the wrath of the thing from high atop the place, and got a plugged duct. Hot compresses have been flying, and I think I may have beat it back. But yes, your Schadenfreude is entirely appropriate and understandable.
*More on the pediatrician situation some other time–can you bear the suspense?