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Solitude

It’s time for another of those posts wherein I complain about my extremely luxurious situation.

Bun Bun and I are currently hiding out in the basement. It’s not pretty, and there’s a dripping noise that probably means our hot water heater is about to explode, but it’s so coooooooool. You see, because Mr. Bunny works from home, I normally spend the day on the second floor of our house, while he spends the day in his first-floor office. But the second floor is unbearably hot today.*

Why don’t I just hang out on the first floor? Because if I did, I would most likely stab my husband in the face.

At first, I couldn’t quite figure out why I got so irritable when our paths crossed during the day. I’d be perfectly content doing whatever with Bun Bun (lately, being amazed at her ability to lift her head during tummy time.** I don’t think the parents of the organism that first crawled onto land could possibly have been prouder than we are…), and he’d pop his head in to see what we were up to, and I’d suddenly feel an annoyance that burned with the heat of a thousand suns. Even as I felt it, I knew it was silly, and it felt particularly silly when he’d pop his head in with an offer to make lunch, or to take her for a while. I mean, what kind of insane monster gets annoyed with someone for being helpful? But I sure did. And feeling silly didn’t change shit.

So I considered the fact that we’d never spent this much time together before, and figured maybe even the best of partners becomes a little suffocating after a while. But then I noticed that I was perfectly happy to spend time with him on the weekends, even eager for his company. So it’s something to do with him being “at work”.

I’m still not entirely sure what. Maybe I’m resenting him for having an existence outside the realm of Bun Bun? But it’s not as if I want to run off to the office for a bit–nothing could be less appealing. Or maybe I’m resenting him for sort of being half in, half out. You know, not really primary caregiver, but not really noticing the difference between my life and his life? Certainly I find myself getting prickly when he tells someone that laundering the cloth diapers is not such a big deal, because LIKE HE’D KNOW! Or commenting on what a quiet baby Bun Bun is, because LIKE HE’D KNOW! (Though, ahem, it’s not, and, ahem, she is, though not nearly as quiet as he thinks.)

Ultimately, it’s probably a combination of several things. One, I don’t want to spend every waking hour with my husband. Two, I want him to do his damn work and then be DONE. When he pops his head in, it creates the impression that he’s got nothing to do, and if he’s got nothing to do, why isn’t he on Bun Bun duty, or why aren’t we doing something super fun as a family? Three, my life revolves around child care, which still feels weird, his doesn’t, a fact that might activate some kind of primitive knee-jerk feminist reflex.

So. There’s definitely no way we could possibly exist on the same floor of the house.

I hope it cools off soon, as I’d like to return to my normal habitat.

*So hot that I pre-ordered the new-fangled swaddle strap. Because swaddling Bun Bun at night feels like animal cruelty, and not swaddling her is not an option.

**GAG. Still hate that name.

15 Comments Post a comment
  1. I sometimes feel territorial and irritated when it comes to N's offers to help. I feel as if his offers to do something come too late or something. Like, if he really wanted to change a dipe/re-swaddle in the middle of the night/etc, he would have just done it and not asked. I'm not sure if that has anything to do with how you're feeling, but I relate simply on the how-fucking-insane-am-I-to-grumble factor. P.S. GASP! I WANT A SWADDLE STRAP!!! Yes, Arlo is 7(!) months old, and yes, I still swaddle his sweet rump. We have been using the A+A muslin blankets, fashioning them sort of like the swaddle strap, where his little shoulders and legs are exposed, but he breaks it several times a night. Love this idea.

    July 21, 2011
  2. Oak #

    Bahaha, I love the inexplicable fury! Or, I mean, I hate it. Either way, I'm intimately familiar with it. For some reason last night when I got home from the airport just in the nick of time to bathe and feed the Butterball before bed, I walked in, saw The Boy and immediately felt anger. I have NO idea why. Maybe it was that I wanted to be the one home with him all evening? Or maybe it was that my tits were about to explode and he'd just given him a bottle? Maybe it was the fact that Mac was sleeping in his arms at 7pm and that was likely going to throw off bedtime? I have NO clue but it was palpable and it was basically just because I saw my husband on the couch with my fed and happy baby. Possible that I'm simply insane.

    July 21, 2011
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    July 21, 2011
  4. Love the swaddle strap. I wish it would have been available when A was a baby. He was so hot natured, but just like your Bun-Bun, could not be without it. So I'd end up swaddling him with just his diaper on. OMG,being around dh everyday? Never. After just a few days on vacation, I was wishing his head would explode–and I mean the one that sits on his shoulders, lol. I don't believe that it was meant for us to be around them 24/7. I'm sure the murder rate would rise across the nation for sure. lol!

    July 21, 2011
  5. Oh we have much in common here — my husband is between jobs and so doing work (and it is actually productive, lucrative work, because I've looked over his shoulder to check) from either home or going to an office nearby on some days, and frankly it just annoys the living shit out of me. I'm not sure why — it was invaluable for me to have another adult around so that I could shower, go to the gym, etc. However, he does things HIS way and HIS way and MY way are different and, as you might expect MY way is much better and HIS way is just WRONG.So I'd almost rather not have the help than have to have HIS type of help. Even though B doesn't appear to have a preference. But that's not really the point, now is it?Crazy, no?Swaddle strap looks great, btw. I just watched the videos and was cracking up — that's one cute and very patient babe. We broke up with the swaddle at 4.5 months, as he was getting pretty angry about not having access to his hands, but while it lasted it was a godsend.

    July 21, 2011
  6. Blogger still wont acknowlege my existence. It's still IrrationalE.

    July 21, 2011
  7. I can't express how much I love your missives. Your good-natured snark just makes my day! That swaddle strap looks neat. I'm kind of surprised, though, that you didn't just whip up a couple out of ultra-cool vintage fabrics that you have lying around that house. That's my image of you.

    July 22, 2011
  8. My husband works from home on his dissie a lot. And I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO feel you on this. Esp the part about his offhanded to comments to friends about how perfectly behaved our babies are. And how honey's gas "wasn't bad at all." OH REALLY?!?!?!?!?! Of course you would think that, you lived in your study and swooped in for 3 minutes of kisses a day….it sure looked easy from that point of view. Ay yi yi! I appreciate having him around, but in some ways it belittles the work I do b/c he's "home" so people think he's actually helping and that's not the case. Plus, I work my ass off keeping the babies happy and to him they're just "good babies." I mean, THEY ARE, but you know…It'll be interesting to see how this dynamic changes once I'm back at work….my guess he'll spend a lot more time working at school.xoxo

    July 22, 2011
  9. Oh, I can totally understand where you're coming from on this one.

    July 22, 2011
  10. I must be retarded bc I don't understand what the he'll a swaddle strap is. All I know is that I have a genius on my hands bc from day one, she's been able to get one hand free of her swaddle no matter which we use, the swaddle me, the miracle blanket, etc. I dunno how, but she does. And she only does it when were not watching. We turn our backs for two seconds, and that hand is free. I might have to set up a hidden camera and get the evidence on tape soon. Now we mostly let her sleep on her side. But she favors her right side, so I'm hoping her head isn't misshapen. But I digress since we were talking about you. I'm one of those annoying ppl who love having hubby around and getting his help. Didn't think it would be the case before baby was bornm ut he's proven to be as competent as I am, which surprised me more than words can say. He, on the other hand, might wanna stab me in the face here and there bc I'm always like "let's sound EVERY waking minute together!"

    July 22, 2011
  11. I love that strap for removing the Constant Fear of Suffocation from Swaddling Poorly that I lived with Toddlerina. Thank you!! Ordering now. And give me that woman's sweet baby for a loaner while you are at it. What a cutie.Maternity leave is bliss, but there are parts that chaff and are very hard to explain. Face stabbing seems an extreme solution so I praise your retreat to the basement. (You must not have creepy crawlies like me. Lucky you.)Great self analysis. I hear your Roar.

    July 22, 2011
  12. "stab my husband in the face" you don't know how many times I have thought that I might do the same. The sad thing is my baby isn't even born yet. In my experience my husband and I struggle because in times of stress I assume that he knows what to say and how to act. He doesn't and of course he thinks that if I want him to do something I should ask. I don't want to ask, he should just know. So, the cycle continues. I think we all go through it and I have heard that married couples struggle the first year or so of the babies life. I am trying to remember that as we prepare for the baby's arrival. Hang in there and please, no stabbing in the face, stick to the body….lol

    July 22, 2011
  13. oohhh, the swaddle strap… have you tried it yet? does it really work? its hot as heck here too and adam busts out of his kiddapodamus swaddles all the time and wakes himself up at night so i'm going to have to try these ones out. i completely understand your feelings towards the hubs too… i tend to feel the same way about mr wannabe quite often. i'm hoping it'll all blow over soon 🙂

    July 24, 2011
  14. God, I can hardly stand my own self 24/7. It's good that my husband and I are both really busy and live apart 5 out of 7 days. Love and companionship and marriage is all good, but for the love of pete, you can't really suffer the heat and the same man all the time. Who put this expectation in our heads? Disney? Family Ties? I dunno. I am glad that your house has both an upper floor and a basement, where you can spend time away from your lovely Mr. B, and find him again once the urge to stab him in the face has subsided.

    July 24, 2011
  15. I understand the fury, and I don't even think it's in full flush for me yet. Also, having a husband who works from home is…delicate. My husband worked from home for 2 weeks. By the end of it….well, I'd rather not say:)

    July 26, 2011

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