Never having sex again
The last time we had the old Intimate Relations, I opted to forgo orgasm. As I’ve been perfectly willing to discuss before, I don’t have an orgasm from intercourse alone. This time, I thought it might be nice to have one. Well, friends, I pissed myself. Yes, just as I was thinking, Hurrah, my first orgasm in almost six months! I perceived an odd wetness. A spreading wetness. A substantial spreading wetness.
WHAT THE FUCK. How come nobody told me this was a THING?!?! Those of you who have had postpartum sex are seriously to blame here.
Or is it just me? It can’t just be me!
In case you’re curious, I don’t think I actually got there, if you know what I mean. I was too surprised. My response was to say, Something…has…happened. I think I’ll have to change the sheets.
AND SO: pregnant, parenting, lost all hope of ever being either, I don’t care. If you’re not doing Kegels RIGHT NOW, you should be.