Return of the BFB
Plane trip: Went just fine. She slept in the carrier for most of the flight, and didn’t seem too bothered by the pressure changes. She also did fairly well in her temporary home at the mother in law’s (whom I only wanted to stab once, when she said Maybe the next one will look like you, and yes, Bun Bun looks a lot more like Mr. Bunny, but surely she must look a tiny bit like me? ANYWAYS, that’s only like a .5 on the MIL horribleness scale) and I got a little time to myself which I used to watch HGTV in bed while eating doughnuts. On the way home she was unwilling to sleep, preferring to squirm like mad, but it was nothing an empty jelly bean box couldn’t fix. It’s astonishing the number of entertainments one can extract from an empty jelly bean box… So thanks for the wisdom. I’m glad we did it. Someday we may do it again, and perhaps even go a bit further away from home. Or not.
Those of you who have been reading for a while know that I have a somewhat…complex relationship with my official “best friend”, known here as BFB, Best Friend with Baby. The good side is illustrated well by this post, and the bad side by this one, wherein lots of people advise me to get rid of her. Which I have not done. Short version: we have a mildly competitive friendship, she’s been encroaching on my academic territory more and more over the years, she got pregnant as soon as she found out I was trying, that sucked.
And then she went away to postdoc in CA, and I was like WHEW.
And then my department decided to hire her. And I was like OH MY GOD, SERIOUSLY?
Since I knew she’d be coming back, I’ve been ruminating on what to do with our friendship. I decided not to make any grand resolutions, but just to see what happened. Maybe I’d be such a Totally Different Person after two years apart that things which used to bother me wouldn’t anymore.
So, last weekend, she came to town to shop for a house, and stayed with us. I thought it would be weird, but we had a lot of distractions (baby, talking about houses, talking about babies). She did annoy the hell out of me on a few occasions, but it felt like a fairly normal ALL PEOPLE ARE ANNOYING SOMETIMES thing, not a I CAN’T BEAR THIS PERSON WHY ARE WE EVEN FRIENDS thing.
I think there will still be times when I feel threatened by her, but I also think that two recent developments will make those occasions fewer and further between.
One: Bunlet. In the back of my mind lurked a fear that we’d go through the whole IF+Fertile Friend Show again–that I’d have to watch her all smiley and pregnant while I failed to get knocked up month after month. Not likely to happen now.
Two: It looks very probable that I will be granted tenure. (More on that topic later.) Which means she will be my junior colleague. Which would mean that, although she started grad school a year before I did, in the time it’s taken her to find a job, I will have gotten tenure. This may bring no comfort when her career trajectory rockets upward as mine declines, but I think it does help now.
So maybe I am a Totally Different Person. Or maybe I’m underestimating just how annoying it will be when she’s actually here.