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Floor dump: Pros and cons

Many months ago I was in the library looking for books on baby led weaning when I happened to see one called something like The Diaper-Free Baby. I was naturally curious, so I reached for it. But then I thought better of the impulse. Because:

1. Do I really want to touch something that has been in perhaps multiple homes where babies roam around without diapers? And…

2. What if it made sense to me. What if I was like, Yeah! This could totally work! What if I decided I needed to give it a shot.

So I decided not to take that risk. However, with the recent bout of terrible diaper rash, Bun Bun has spent quite a bit of time diaper free. And yes, she has shat on the floor several times. When this happens, Mr. Bunny and I both shout FLOOR DUMP! FLOOR DUMP! and rush around madly.

Floor dumps are not easy to clean up. Because even if you happen to be right there, it’s difficult to separate the baby from the shit without some part of the baby touching the shit. So you have to grab the baby and move the baby and clean off the baby and then deal with the fact that there’s a small pile of human feces on your floor. Cons.

But there’s also a terrible truth to floor dumps. They’re weirdly satisfying. No, don’t freak out. I’m not one of those people. But hear me out. Floor dumps mean your baby won’t be sitting in a shitty diaper for even a moment. They mean that shitting occurred and you don’t have to change a diaper. And if you use cloth (and perhaps even if you use disposables?) changing a diaper is not a ton less labor intensive than cleaning up a floor dump. Pros.

Hey, while we’re on the subject of bodily waste, can someone please explain to me why the fuck the grown women in my building can’t use the toilet without pissing on the seat? I mean, how the fuck does that happen? It has to be because people are squatting over the seat, right? BUT, there are toilet seat covers, so if you don’t want your ass to touch the seat, use one of those! I don’t fucking understand. Is it an incontinence thing? But if you know you leak (and you MUST KNOW), use a fucking toilet seat cover! WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUCK?!??!?

24 Comments Post a comment
  1. The image of you running around yellow floor dump is AWESOME.

    A close friend of mine is INCAPABLE of using our toilet during her AF time without getting blood on the seat. How the fuck that does even work?! Grosses me and my husband out, big time, especially because she DOESN’T CLEAN IT UP HERSELF after visiting our house.

    April 25, 2012
    • Ana #

      oh my god, EWWWWW! This is my problem with the pee-on-the-seat. IF it happens (though I similarly don’t get why) just WIPE IT UP & no one will be the wiser. People suck.

      April 25, 2012
    • SRB #

      Uuuuuggghhh! I can’t un-know this now. That’s gross, dude.

      April 25, 2012
  2. Ana #

    Floor dump! Love it! Will have to come up with a catch-phrase for when (if) we ever do our diaper-free potty-training bootcamp extravaganza fun-fest etc… Of course, now, our guy will be imitating/yelling it too, so we should make it something tasteful…

    April 25, 2012
  3. Oak #

    I am suddenly beyond thankful that severe diaper rash has never been a part of our life. I have to admit, I credit the butt paste we use but it’s probably just luck.

    Floor dump!!!!

    April 25, 2012
  4. Floor dump! Like Timber, huh? Only erm… softer? :-))

    As for your building, I so share your disgust. It is unbelievable, honestly. I have seen it so often. Some women… Garhh!

    April 25, 2012
  5. And now that I think about it, I might consider cleaning the floor than another nappy, George is fighting me with every bit of himself now when it comes to changing anything, and I am so tired and over this, I am truly thinking about potty training. But then I sober up and go on with my day. I am not ready for THAT fight…

    April 25, 2012
  6. Jen #

    I would leave a sign inside the bathroom doors that reads something to the effect of, “If you sprinkle when you tinkle, DON’T BE AN ASSHOLE AND LEAVE YOUR DISGUSTING PISS ON THE GODDAMNED SEAT. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU. Thx, the MGMT.”

    April 25, 2012
  7. Floor dump! HAhahah this is just awesome. My midwife told me about this way of thinking after I commented on the documentary “Babies” (see it) how the african mother just wiped her babies poo off of her leg with a corn cob and that American women would freak out if any trace of poo was left on their leg….she then told me about people who believe in this diaperless parenting thing. Seems risky at night because you know those hippies co-sleep (said the experienced co-sleeping hippie). I have woken up a time or two with a soaked through diaper and had to change the sheets when Jack projectile pooed while I was mid-change on the bed. I imagine those would be nightly occurrences with a diaperless baby.

    April 25, 2012
  8. Misfit Mrs. #

    Not to now freak you out and make you a germphobe, but the contagious super bug my mom has is isolated to her bladder. I am the person who just wipes it up and goes on with my business, but faced with the threat of forever contamination, I’m afraid that I will need to use two seat covers and try to avoid the stall with said pee. Blarrggh.

    It’s the same for me when people don’t look behind them to see if everything is flushed. For chrissake, women freaking dally in the goddamn bathroom long enough, why not take a glimpse before opening the door to see if you’ve left the next guest any presents. Seriously.

    Floor poo. Interesting concept. That said, once you see it, it’s dealt with. Interesting. I am hoping that you’ll pounce on some crazy elimination communication with this route. Or you’ll just be placing bun bun on those puppy pads folks are so fond of.

    April 25, 2012
  9. Louisa #

    YES! Tolite seat spray drives me nuts! Fine don’t sit on seat but for Christ sakes clean up your dribble!!!!

    April 25, 2012
  10. SRB #

    FLOOR DUMP!

    Now I want to do some naked time just for this purpose. Baby naked time I mean.

    April 25, 2012
  11. Thanks for making me laughon a very run-of-the-mill day, Bunny. The ritual of yelling FLOOR DUMP and running around like mad must be a sight to see, and bring the opportunity to laugh. All that, and you are contributing to Bun Bun’s diaper rash healing. Sounds like a winning solution to me. For a time, at least (like, probably not after Bunlet is born, I’m thinking).

    And yes, what is up with the droplets on the toilet seats. For the love of everything that’s holy, women, get it together and learn to aim.

    April 26, 2012
  12. lady pumpkin #

    So are you guys maybe doing elimination communication? We’ve talked about it. In fact, I have The Diaper-Free Baby on my kindle. And co-sleepers need not fret; I don’t think EC-ing babies go diaper-free overnight–at least, not until they’re fully diaper-independent (I think that’s what they call it in the book). Let’s do it, Bunny!

    April 26, 2012
    • YOU’RE TRYING TO TRICK ME INTO READING ABOUT THIS APPROACH, AREN’T YOU! Next thing you know I’ll be holding forth on the evils of diapers and my hippie credentials will be complete. SIGH.

      April 26, 2012
  13. Anonymous #

    OMG. Laughing out loud at work. You crack me up.

    April 26, 2012
  14. Floor dump – hilarious! We have also had some diaper rash issues, so I am fastidious about changing Alex the INSTANT she poops. But I’m blessed with a girl that has a habit of only pooing while eating, and is very expressive. She stops eating, stares into my eyes, and grunts very loudly while pooing. It’s adorable… (I’m pretty sure only I think so.)

    I hate the droplets on the toilet seat. So much that I’ve often switched stalls…

    April 26, 2012
  15. I love the floor dump description! Somehow our kiddo inherited incredibly sensitive skin from the non-bio mom in our family, so he also spent a lot of time sans diapers. I don’t recall it being as much fun as you describe 🙂 I was always torn between wanting him to hang out in the places where we had area rugs (because, wouldn’t that be more comfortable on his poor bare bum than the hardwood floors), and dragging him away from the area rugs area (because, well, Floor Dump on the rug, eewwwww).

    April 26, 2012
  16. I know someone who did the diaper free thing. She was all about the “I am so in tune with my baby that I can foresee the exact moment when she will take a dump”. And then she would whip out this bedpan-type thing. (No joke). That said, there were a few cues she missed. The family bed was pretty much filled with poop for awhile there.

    I bet Bun Bun is LOVING it.

    As for the pee on the toilet seat: I hear you, sister. Same thing in my building. I think it’s more a “hovering” thing than an incontinence thing. I belong to the tribe of Hoverers. However, I have very good aim. And I ALWAYS make sure that the seat is clean when I go. Just common decency. But, also, I always imagine someone waiting to use that exact stall. And then spreading it around campus that I’m incontinent:)

    April 27, 2012
  17. twoblueshoes #

    Gold. We once had a post-bath nakey playtime situation along the floor dump lines… Kid was leading up against the coffee table. I could hear something… wet… Searched for a puddle, no dice… What the hell is that noise? OHMYGODHE’SDOINGASHIT! I was laughing too hard to do anything about it, but I have never seen my husband move to catch something so quickly. And the confused triumph on his face! He saved the carpet, but he also had a baby turd in his hand.

    Re: work toilets and mysterious gifts. There is someone at my place of business with a GINORMOUS ANUS. Seriously, the circumference of these unflushable dumps is akin to a Pringle tube. I’m not kidding. I think this woman may be part dinosaur or something. Un-freaking-believable. I guess it’s not entirely her fault… But… Take a chopstick in with you, lady! A coathanger! Anything to force your massive lingering turd from public view! Ugh.

    April 27, 2012
  18. My son had diaper rash a lot, but we always did our nappy-free time either outside on the deck (cue poopdeck jokes) or in his crib–a layer of cloth nappies, with a fleece blanket over the top worked like a charm, and it helped that he never pooped while sleeping.

    When we potty trained him, I opted for a method that required underwear but nothing else. From this I learned that floor dump is one hell of a lot easier to clean up than underwear dump. I finally got down the method of dangling it in the toilet and flushing to rinse out the worst offensiveness, but I’m not looking forward to repeating that skill with my daughter…

    April 27, 2012
  19. Seriously….ladies who sprinkle on the seat are disgusting creatures with no hygienic skills. Either that or men are secretly sneaking in to pee in a stall with a door on it. My guess is a lot of women are secretly slobs. This used to piss me off so much that I’d leave really nasty notes all over the ladies room.

    The floor dumping at your house is more laughing than I can personally handle. I don’t know if I could clean it up. I hope you don’t have carpet. If you want to get closer to natural I’ll send you my stash of cloth diapes unless you just plan on going hardcore into that shit.

    April 27, 2012
  20. That bunny! You could eat off her floors…but I wouldn’t.

    Confession: my house is not clean, I hate cleaning and don’t care enough to do a better job, and yet, I’ve always felt a bit of envy and guilt when reading about how nicely you keep yours. This post may have cured me, for which I thank you. In fact, the next time I am in any very clean house, I am going to just quietly say “floor dump” to myself, and feel better about the masses of cat hair and god knows what clumping around my place. At least up until potty training time, at which point I imagine you will be laughing at me, quite a lot.

    Meanwhile, fewer diapers is better. I’ll grant you that.

    April 28, 2012
  21. Even going away from blogland for several weeks and then coming back, your posts are endlessly entertaining but now instead of reading them one at a time I get to read multiple posts all at once and OD on Bunny! Seriously though, when my friend was visiting last summer she showed me how she could hold her daughter over the sink and make a pssss sound and she would pee on command. It was entertaining and cool and I only had a momentary….”couldn’t you have held her over the toilet” moment. But really it’s just baby pee and not baby dump. LOL that would have been way more comical. 🙂

    May 1, 2012

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