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Bun year old

On Friday night I re-read my journal entries from the day before Bun Bun was born, and the entries following. It was an uncapturable experience, but the things I recorded brought back some of the intensity of those moments. The pure joy and awe and love…

And on Saturday my little daughter turned one. I did a fair bit of sniveling throughout the day. I shed a few tears when we read her the Dr. Suess birthday book, which has always been (and still is) a birthday feature in my family. I sniveled a LOT at 8:33, thinking about how completely the little creature with smears of banana on her face had changed since the first time I heard her thin little wail.

I cried when we gave her her present, this adorable shopping cart we just couldn’t resist. She’s working on walking and loves putting things in other things–what could be better? And since I mainly give her empty boxes and sticks to play with, I figured she deserved an actual TOY.

I got a PRESENT!

I cried when we presented her with her cake. I’d dithered for a while about the whole CAKE thing. Should I make her a joyless hippie cake like the kind I was raised on? Should I make a real cake and then not give her any? In the end I went with a real cake, a tiny one, made in the style of a hostess cupcake.


Caaaake. Interior view.

We put a candle it it. We sang happy birthday to her. We blew out her candle. I gave her a small fragment of cake. She threw it instantly on the floor with a look of utter disgust. Then her father and I ate it. It was fucking delicious.

I teared up when I put her to bed, when she rested her little head on my shoulder.

The morning she was born, I was so overwrought at the idea of being separated from her. And I still feel a powerful longing for her to stay as she is, because she’s so perfect. But I’m also reassured by the way that she’s been perfect in each and every phase. It’s been a tremendous year.

21 Comments Post a comment
  1. sarauckelman #


    And Happy Birthday, Bun Bun! That stroller looks awesome.

    May 6, 2012
  2. What a beautiful post! It made me teary reading it. And what an awesome cart! Happy birthday, Bun Bun!

    May 6, 2012
  3. Happy birthday, BunBun! That cake looks scrumptious!

    May 6, 2012
  4. I’m crying just thinking about all of this! Happy Birthday, Bun Bun! Enjoy that shopping cart! Congratulations Bunny family!

    May 6, 2012
  5. Jenny F. Scientist, PhD #

    Happy birthday, little girl!

    Real cake is always the way to go. In moderation.

    May 6, 2012
  6. cgd #

    happy bday bunbun. She is adorable and hope you both enjoy as you enter the toddler stage.
    Once again I am impressed with your baking skills. the cake looks so pretty!!

    May 6, 2012
  7. Ana #

    So sweet! Tremendous year, indeed! Happy birthday to bunbun…on to bigger and more exciting things!!

    May 6, 2012
  8. twangy #

    Oh happy happy birthday Bunbun!

    It’s been so sweet to ‘see’ you grow kiddo.

    May 6, 2012
  9. Misfit Mrs. #

    What a milestone! Happy birthday to bun bun. It has been one incredible year. I would like to like lick the screen with that delicious temptation of CAKE! Gorgeous.

    May 6, 2012
  10. SRB #

    Aw, felicitations Bunbun! Baby girl, at first I thought your new toy shopping cart was a mini, wooden Segway and I was insanely jealous!

    May 6, 2012
  11. Happy birthday, BunBun! The shopping trolley is an inspired present for a one year old, I must say!

    May 7, 2012
  12. I thought of Bun Bun all day on Saturday: ‘it’s cinqo de mayo today. Bun Bun is 1 year old!! I wonder if she’s eating cake right now?’ Well, I got my answer: no cake for the Bun, despite her mama’s amazing efforts.
    I LOVED this beautiful account of the day through your eyes, Bunny. I feel so fortunate to have been able to follow your story from the time of your surgery (or just a bit after) and the hell of infertility, to Bun Bun’s conception, through your pregnancy, her birth, her first year and now her first birthday. It’s been amazing to have been witness to all that. As this post details, you are clearly in awe of all that’s unfolded since then.
    And can I just say, Bun Bun’s plump little cheeks are just begging to be sqeezed and kissed. She is beautiful, Bunny. Just beautiful.

    May 7, 2012
  13. Happy Birthday, BunBun! What a fabulous birthday present – way to go!

    May 7, 2012
  14. hahah you have me rolling at the: “Should I make her a joyless hippie cake like the kind I was raised on? Should I make a real cake and then not give her any?”. I am glad you at least gave her some even if she hasn’t yet figured out how joyous and delicious cake can be. She is going to look back 28 years from now and be like ‘I threw cake on the floor? NOoooooooo’. And she will mourn the lost life of that cake. That shopping cart is ridunkulously awesome.

    It is a horrible thing to want them to stay as they are, but anxious for the next new step in life. One or the other brain, one or the other.

    May 7, 2012
  15. Louisa #

    Happy happy birthday little bun bun! What a fantastic cake, J got his own little cheesecake which he actually ate some of.

    May 7, 2012
  16. Jen #

    We ate Jackson’s floor cake, too. Devil’s food. Damn tasty.

    Happy birthday, BunBun!

    May 7, 2012
  17. lady pumpkin #

    Happy Birthday to Bun Bun! And heavens, that cake is gorgeous. How lucky for you and Mr. Bunny that she wasn’t interested! Thanks for the photos, Bunny. Sending love to you all.

    May 8, 2012
  18. Happy (belated) birthday, BunBun! And congratulations to her parents on surviving the first year.
    I love that last paragraph–it’s funny how I can simultaneously miss earlier ages, love the age my kid is now, and look forward to what the next stage will bring (with the occasional “when will this phase end, already!” tossed in).

    May 8, 2012
  19. Trinity #

    Happy birthday, lovely lil’ BunBun! šŸ™‚

    May 8, 2012
  20. Oh, happy birthday Bun Bun! A wonderful year indeed.

    Love the photo, the cart, the wonderful caaaake. šŸ™‚

    May 10, 2012
  21. Happy, happy birthday, you beautiful Bun Bun. I got a bit misty reading this. Yes. It’s so tempting to want to stop time (as if) but you’re right about each phase being perfect, in its own way.

    And that cake DOES look fucking delicious. I had a good laugh at that line. Thank goodness you didn’t go with the joyless hippie cake of sawdust and banana peels. (Just, er, extrapolating).

    May 15, 2012

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