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Your daddy’s rich / And your mamma’s…well, your daddy’s rich, anyway.

Summer has always been my favorite time of year, and living on an academic schedule has only amplified that natural preference. It’s a glorious season of no students, minimal department bullshit, and, this year anyway, a whole lotta slacking off. Most summers I’d be traveling to a conference, but I can’t travel. And most summers I’d be finishing up grants and catching up on projects, but I have tenure, so whatevs to all that, like, WORK.

Instead I’ve been doing stuff at the office that doesn’t require a lot of brain, but does need to be done. Like clearing out all the old busted lab equipment from the past five years and getting all our data and files tidied. (OMG, maybe I’m NESTING!)

AND at home I had the sense to ask my husband to help me create some time for myself. During his typical day, he takes an hour off here and there for athletic activity or a nice lunch, but I can’t really do that. And while I could come home early or leave late, I have a perhaps odd, perhaps obvious reluctance to be at home while I’m paying someone else to care for my child. So, since Mr. Bunny normally cares for Bun Bun on Fridays, I’m taking Fridays off and am spending the mornings on thing I like to do. Such as making tiny summer frocks for my child.

Now where’d I leave my tiny dust pan?

Can you spot: Squirrels, birds, moths, glass button shaped like a tiny mouse?

Or attempting to grow things, as I do every year. Last year was a great year for lettuce and a shit year for everything else. Please, tomato gods, let this be a good tomato year.

Butternut squash, watermelons, pumpkins, several varieties of heirloom tomato, including black ones for the devil-worshiping groundhog…lettuce planted outside the fence so the rabbits don’t go hungry.

And then in the afternoon I care for my child since summers are busy for Mr. Bunny.

So yes, ADMIRE MY MAGNIFICENT EXISTENCE.

But I’ve also been struggling a bit. Not with anything particularly profound, just stuff I’ve talked about before. I still can’t believe that I am pregnant. I look down and am like HOLY FUCK. I am unable to imagine life with another child, and I freak out, and then I remind myself that I couldn’t really imagine life with one child, and you know what, it will all be okay.

More tiresome is my continued inability to appreciate all my husband does, because I fixate on the tiny things he doesn’t do.

Last week I had a long chat with a friend whose husband, based on her descriptions, appears to be an unmitigated asshole. It made me feel so fortunate. But no matter how many times I remind myself that I am fortunate, I still lose my shit when I encounter some item that he’s oblivious to. I’d give you examples but they would make me look like an obsessive control freak. Which I am. Also we haven’t had the sexual intercourse for, uh, I don’t actually know. Let’s say three months–that’s probably about right. I think he’s wearing thin as well because normally he can take a lot of my bullshit, but lately he’s been losing his temper with me. Which I think is totally understandable, but I still get really hurt and cry, or am super mad for an absurdly long time. Like going-to-bed-mad-at-each-other mad. Over NOTHING.

BORING. STUPID. NOT ATYPICAL FOR PARENTS OF A YOUNG CHILD. But then I think about some of the big downs we had during our post-Bun Bun ups and downs and it worries me that we’re starting from a much lower place this time. Ooof.

The other thing disturbing my MAGNIFICENT EXISTENCE is that my so-called best friend has returned to town. She and her child–the one who was gestating during the worst period of my infertility–came over for a few hours the other day. We’re sort of like strangers to each other, except with massive shared history and intimacy. I feel like I need to take some Decisive Action, but…most likely I don’t.

And yet, in spite of these little ripples in my mental pond, it’s SUMMERTIME. Mr. Bunny said the other day in a remarkably accusatory tone: YOU’RE HAPPY. I think he’s right.

24 Comments Post a comment
  1. My gosh I love that song – it reminds me of my Mom singing it to me when I was a young kid. 🙂

    That is awesome you are taking some “you time” this summer. It’s hard to do that sometimes, but so, so important. That frock is friggin’ adorable as well!

    I hear ya on the nitpicking on the tiny things and forgetting all the GOOD things. *sigh* An ongoing battle in our relationship.

    July 11, 2012
  2. Hey fuck you for having a garden that looks awesome….I need to take pictures of my sad excuse for a garden that was murdered by the summer sun/heat. I started out this summer like ‘OMG I am going to be so hippie/sustainable and grow all the veggies I will need to make plentiful summer salads, pickles, othershityoumakewithveggies’. So far I was able to eat two snap peas, one regular pea pod, and two salads before everything except my teeny tiny cucumber plants were killed. If we do the math (which I know you love) cost of building two garden boxes = $75. net value of veggies procured = $1.47 (assuming you could find someone to sell you two sugar snap peas and one pea pod). Le sigh. I better get like $150 worth of cucumbers this year!

    on a non-fuck you note, the summer dress is darling. Also it is time for the sexual intercourse to happen….or at least rub his wiener.

    July 11, 2012
    • Fuck you for having a good sex life. And for ruining any chance that I will ever be in the mood again by using the phrase “rub his wiener”.

      July 12, 2012
  3. Jenny F. Scientist, PhD #

    Dr. S refuses to put the toothpaste back in the toothbrush-and-toothpaste holder. Drives me right up the wall. I mean, the man ONLY tore out and redid the ENTIRE bathroom. How dare he?

    What I’m saying is, it’s not just you.

    I remind myself that I drive him nuts too. This is probably easier to remember when not pregnant (and, therefore, categorically, hormonally, completely insane).

    As for marital relations, well, do you have an email address? Because I will tell you about our marital situation if you want to hear. It sums up as: My poor spouse.

    July 11, 2012
  4. Happy is good.

    And what a cute kid you’ve got!

    July 11, 2012
  5. WTF are you going to whip up if it’s a boy? Cause Boys can’t wear things that cute. Maybe some hats that are cute, but they don’t get lovely frocks like that. If you have any ideas do let me know as I am also taking some “me time” behind the sewing machine. Oh Bun Bun we are jealous of your cute outfit. BUT NOT YOUR TOMATO garden!!! cause mine are even bigger than yours and we are in the middle of a drought to boot. They’ll probably get the blight because I typed this.

    Last night when my husband didn’t come to bed until 1:30am it crossed my mind that he might be a touch annoyed about the lack of bedroom fun as of late, but at the moment I was too tired to really care.

    July 11, 2012
    • Overalls for boys! I really miss having my son in overalls since he potty-trained.

      July 12, 2012
  6. I think all parents are working out the relationship stuff all the time. You get kind of better at the communication, but I can still do passive-aggressive like a pro. And I get sucked into envisioning what my husband *should* be like instead of accepting him for what he is, and being aware that what he thinks he should be like might be different from my view….

    Only suggestion I have is that prior to Bunlet’s arrival, have a little discussion about what you’re likely to find hard and what you’ll want from each other. I definitely noticed that with the second child, we had to start over again with what we could reasonably expect from each other. We each felt that the other wasn’t meeting halfway.

    So jealous of your ability to make clothes.

    July 12, 2012
  7. Bunny, I am truly in awe of your magnificent existence. Especially your garden, and that you won’t let bunnies go hungry.I am in awe of your awesome sewing skills and that delightful BunBun. And oh, the fact that it is actually summer over there.

    Here is a garden story you might like. At the farm (oh! I miss the farm!) we had tomatoes and basil planted in one big square bed. The basil grew like wildfire and became a basil forest. It was magnificent! Anyway…we pulled it all out before we left and the tenants moved in. They planted watermelons in the patch. One day they rang to say they were really enjoying the property, the garden etc, but something really weird was happening…and they didn’t know why…basil kept sprouting among the watermelons! 🙂

    July 12, 2012
    • I thought you were going to say their watermelons tasted like basil… Hope all is well with you, my friend.

      July 12, 2012
  8. Can one have a Magnificent Existence AND experience some discontent. I think so. And if you’re going to voice your discontent, I think this is a perfect place to do it. You’re among friends here.
    I’m sorry that there are frictions (and not the ones you’d both like) between you and the Mr. There has been a lot of negotiating and renegotiating and re-renegotiating of everything since before Bun Bun was born. It’s easy to see, as an outsider, that the two of you will sort it out. You clearly love and respect each other. But hell, it sure isn’t easy when you are in the midst of a time of friction (or a cold war, as we have at my house).
    I don’t even know what to say about BFB, except that I’ll be curious to see how that friendship will evolve with this geographical rapprochement.
    I squealed with delight at those pictures of Bun Bun. She is growing more delicious everyday. Those cheeks! I want to kiss them! And her cute sun dress that her mama made is making me melt.
    Hoping it’s a good year for tomatoes this year. Your garden is looking splendid, Bunny.

    July 12, 2012
  9. Ana #

    So happy you’re happy, and I love the “summer Fridays” idea. I totally want to take a day off each week to sew & tend my little container garden (pretty much everything died as I went away during the heat wave & the boys didn’t water as zealously as needed…but the basil is like a frickin’ weed). I need a little girl to sew for….but I’ll settle for myself. Oh and don’t sweat the sex stuff…I was reading another blogger talk about how she didn’t have sex for 9 months (second half of pregnancy & then first few newborn months) and pretty much all the commenters chimed in with “me too!”

    July 12, 2012
  10. Oh I have much to say, but first let me commend you on your craftiness. The dress is adorable. Truly. As is Bun Bun — she’s become such a bit girl!

    Vegetables? We may buy an entire house in the country just so I can putter in the dirt, so suffice it to say that I am jealous. I miss growing food, pestilence and drought notwithstanding!

    On relationships. I can’t even discuss sex, as it’s too boring in our house to even mention. But on the nitpicking and nerve-grating — I think that may just be par for the course, although I wish I were better at not doing it. Just know that it’s the same all over, just different issues.

    July 12, 2012
  11. Please to be shutting up about the magnificence of SUMMER. Forecast for me tomorrow is 12 degrees and hail. I don’t know what that means in Fahrenheit… I do know it means cabin fever in toddler town.

    I laugh at the sexytime troubles. Our whole ‘will we? won’t we?’ dilemma about having another baby is completely academic, if you catch my drift.

    July 13, 2012
  12. (Just re-read that comment. Holy sarcasm, Batman, that did not come out the way it sounded in my head. I’m going to blame seasonal affective disorder (or something) plus jealousy to the power of exhaustion. Lo siento mucho!)

    July 13, 2012
    • BWA HA HA! IT’S SO WARM HERE! WE’RE GOING TO FILL UP THE BABY POOL WITH ICY COLD WATER AND IT WILL FEEL ***GOOD**! But yeah, I was just thinking this morning about how hard it’s going to be when the option of dumping my child in the yard is gone.

      July 13, 2012
  13. Beautiful photos, and I’m in love with that dress. It suits Bun Bun perfectly and just looks so…summery (for lack of a better word). I am an absolute nincompoop with needle, thread or sewing machine, and in a third-grade craft project actually managed to sew a piece of embroidery to my skirt. It was the end of my career in needlework.

    “More tiresome is my continued inability to appreciate all my husband does, because I fixate on the tiny things he doesn’t do.” I could have written this sentence. If I have not mentioned it previously, your observations about the husband-wife work balance have great resonance for me. I spend much of my time doing dishes or taking out garbage (not, incidentally, MY chore). Steaming. Therefore, I love the idea of your Fridays.

    As far as the struggling, you have a lot on your plate and much on the horizon. There is a lot to balance now and in the future, and that would unsettle anyone. The important thing is that it will get balanced, by hook or by crook.

    (Lettuce for the hungry rabbits: I would expect no differently:)

    July 13, 2012
  14. “More tiresome is my continued inability to appreciate all my husband does, because I fixate on the tiny things he doesn’t do.”

    It’s really nice to hear someone else expressing this sentiment! I love my husband. He’s wonderful. He’s stepped up to this parenting thing with great aplomb, even though he wasn’t too keen on it. And yet? Some times (usually Sunday evenings because Gwen isn’t in daycare on Fridays so that means by Sunday I’ve been full-time parent for three days straight, and even with a co-parent around, I’m just.not.cut.out. to be a stay-at-home mom) all I can see are the things on the stairs (can’t he just grab them on his way up/down and get them moved one room closer to where they belong), the left-over bath paraphernalia (I’m feeding Gwen and putting her to bed, isn’t it obvious that the dirty diaper on the bathroom floor should be put into the diaper bucket?), and the like. It makes me feel like a haridan, and I do my best to not harp on him, but that means it all gets bottled up inside. Ugh!

    I just keep telling myself “This too shall pass”.

    July 13, 2012
    • OH the things on the stairs! OH the bath stuff! HOW CAN HE NOT SEE THEM?!?!?

      July 13, 2012
  15. Jen #

    Fuck it, let’s all get nannies to entertain our children and fluffers for our husbands to “rub their weiners” and just spend our summer days getting pedicures in peaceful bliss. Who’s in?

    July 13, 2012
  16. What’s your problem Bunny? My hubs and I, we have amazing sex and, like, allthetimeyouknow? And he does everything exactly the way I would and therefore we don’t fight over anything. Ever.

    Yeah. Not the case! I hear ya barkin sister…. things are the same in my house too 🙂

    July 13, 2012
  17. bunny… i just wanted to say hello and that, having read almost your entire archive of blog posts over the past couple of days, i may be falling in love with you. i wish my husband and much of my family were unaware of my blog’s existence so i could write the.exact.same.post – this and many others. so far, my gardening dreams consist of ripping out the terrible ferns growing everywhere i look, and i’m pretty sure it’ll be at least another two years before i get to it. sigh. your family and garden are gorgeous.

    July 15, 2012
    • Hello, Emily. I look forward to getting to know you, my new paramour. After my husband divorces me for being a bitch I’m totally asking you out. And thank you for your kind comments. Feel free to use this space to vent about your husband and family.

      Also, I am desperately trying to keep the ferns in my yard ALIVE. Not fair.

      July 15, 2012
  18. Who is that pre-teen and what happened to Ms. Bun.

    July 26, 2012

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