Horrible bitch phase over, horrible fear phase begun
For Mr. Bunny’s birthday, I gave him two nights in a hotel, complete with appointments for a massage and a dinner reservation with his buddies. I was inspired to do this because, despite my complaints about him, he really is probably in the 85th percentile for helpful husbands. And yeah, when he devolves into a sulky teenager I want to stab him in the face, but that tends to happen when he’s feeling overwhelmed, and me being angry doesn’t help. Anyway, he went and did that, and came back grateful and cheerful, and a side benefit is that I can now pester him to do all the things that need to be done without feeling one bit nagtastic.
I have also come through my own personal feeling overwhelmed phase, and am settled nicely into the frantic nesting phase. (Though, golly, there’s a lot less to do this time!)
This leaves some room in my psyche for The Time of Horrible Dreams and Sudden Fits of Terror. It involves being suddenly certain that Bunlet will die, that there will be something wrong with him or her, that we will both die. Normal healthy fetal wiggles become the frantic thrashings of a fetus with a cord wrapped around its neck. Every twinge is a sign of a coming apocalypse. I remember this from last time. What’s new this time is that I am also having terrifying dreams about Bun Bun. Lots of dreams in which she’s dead. <gruesome>Last night I awoke from a nightmare in which I had killed her. For some dream logic reason I decided that if I gave her just a little tap on the base of the skull, you know, where the brainstem is, I could knock her out, but then as I was carrying her on my back I realized that her little limp legs meant she was dead. So that was pretty horrible.</gruesome>
I just tell myself that all this is totally normal. But it’s strange beyond words for such paranoid and deranged thoughts to be normal. I’ll be glad when Bunlet is safely here and I can move on to the constant fear that he or she will die in the middle of the night.
Two random items:
So when Bun Bun and Bunlet published that brilliant paper, little did I know there was existing research on the subject. Who would have guessed that my satire was spot on. Guess I’ve just got my finger on the pulse.
When are these biodegradable diapers going to hit the shelves? Because I will buy the fuck out of them.