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My new edition

A student e-mailed to congratulate me on my new edition. After shaking my head sadly over the state of education in America, I had to stroke my invisible beard thoughtfully.

Bunlet is a unique work, one requiring countless hours of labor*, but there are some ways in which the experience of parenthood for the second time IS a little bit: With revised figures and tables! An expanded section on breastfeeding that reflects current research trends! All new chapters on penises and on having ALL the babies!

And there are some significant revisions. For example, the chapter on diapers is largely unchanged, but there’s some new material reflecting the fact that boy babies urinate from multiple, apparently invisible orifices. I think there may be one somewhere around the back of the neck? Last night Mr. Bunny brought Bunlet back after a middle of the night diaper change, placed him in my arms, and I was like Why the fuck is he dripping wet?

The chapter on breastfeeding gets some updates, too. Some things are different. Perhaps because Bunlet is larger, perhaps because I know what I’m doing a little, perhaps because of MAGIC, things have been okay this time. I’m a little tender, but no bloody nipples. (Um…yet.) And I’m already doing things (like carrying him around while he’s nursing, and leaving the house, and wearing clothes) that it took me a month to do last time. So enormous fucking yay on that one. On the other hand, some things are the same, like the tearful 3 am googling of engorgement + relief… (That’s over now, thankfully.)

And lots of other things are the same and different…

I think the most significant change in this edition is a new theoretical approach to babies (discussed in the foreword). I seem to have developed a belief that babies, given certain constraints, tend to remain ALIVE. With Bun Bun, I believed the opposite. I needed to be able to see her at all times, and even then, it felt like if I relaxed my vigilance for a moment, she would surely expire. This time…I can leave Bunlet in another room for whole half hours at a time, or do things like sleep through all his weird death-rattle-esque noises. So this edition reflects the fact that the argument that goes with your second child you’ll be, like, soooo much mellower, appears to be supported by the facts.

At least for now.

Anyway, all elaborate analogies aside, thus far Bunlet has been a lot like Bun Bun. He likes to eat. He likes to sleep. He’s perfect and amazing.

 

 

 

*HA. Do you not appreciate my fine use of THE HUMOR? Though I guess it would have been funnier if I’d actually had to labor. Or not. Certainly this footnote kills whatever humor may have existed in the world, ever.

18 Comments Post a comment
  1. Jen #

    A parent friend from Jackson’s school with a 2-year-old (Jackson’s best friend ever) and a 5-year-old told me the 2nd one is easier because you embrace more neglect. Heh.

    August 30, 2012
  2. Oak #

    I figured breast feeding was easier because my nipples were all callused and shit from the first edition.

    Glad all is going well. Just wait. πŸ˜‰

    August 30, 2012
  3. Tuck the penis downward. This took me a while to figure out when I too played the “how did the pee get there?” game. You must point it downward when you diaper him. Apparently they need some directional help.

    Congrats on your new edition, I do like reading about him. And yay for no bloody nipples, hopefully fucking forever.

    August 30, 2012
    • Yeah, yeah, I know this. Though it took the ped giving us a demo for me to get it right. Or righter…

      August 30, 2012
      • SRB #

        I too was going to suggest PPD. Penis Points Down! Baby chubbies sometimes interfere though. You DO know about baby chubbies, right?

        August 30, 2012
      • It is always important to learn the righter way.

        August 30, 2012
  4. Misfit #

    Okay. I have a tip for engorgement, old sturdy sock filled with rice and sewn shut (or tied inan emergency). Microwave 30 seconds and apply to boobs. Or in my case, stuck in bra most of the time. Never tried walking and feeding! You clearly are gifted in this manner.

    August 30, 2012
    • TOO LATE. Where were you at 3am on the 25th? Probably feeding your baby…
      Though I have to say, heat made it worse last time. Going braless has been key for me.

      August 30, 2012
      • Misfit #

        The sock idea was an old trick to dope cats with cheap catnip toys. I used to pay money for these hippy heating pads until I realized that I could make one myself in a pinch. Heat was the only thing that loosened up the porn boobz. If you are managing to not have bleeding nipples, you have attained master BF-er status and qualify as an expert. Think of that extra dough you would have to make into piles and laze upon.

        What fried my ass about support books during that time was the hot compress comments. Like plop a hot water bottle on you boob. Not feasible. Thinking I should just make these pocket warmer size treats as gifts from now on. Hot Teat Treat!

        September 2, 2012
  5. Penis caused a lot of trouble. What with the umbilical pinch device, the dont-steal-my-baby-device, the enlarged testes. Scary item indeed.

    The crazy peeing in your face goes away. I never knew that, thought it was permanent. Your hyper vigilance will not need to stay jacked up for ever to remain dry.

    August 30, 2012
  6. I too found breastfeeding loads easier. Like freaking tons. I was nursing and walking after the toddler during the first week. It took me at least three months the first time to even extend an arm during nursing. Oh, innocent, unknowing youth… But engorgement still sucks. As does over-mofo-supply.
    About the penis – be careful when pointing it down while changing the nappy, it might get caught and the tip could wet everything else BUT the inside of the nappy. It happened to me twice. And you know, I’ve had two years or experience. Daily multiple times. I blame the darned funny thing I am smoking which makes me live in a blurry haze. Not the sleep, nooooo… πŸ™‚
    Yes, it is easier the second time, but I wonder daily why on earth did I ever think it was hard work with one child. Honestly, I was out of my mind! One child is a breeze!! Now both of them can wilt me down to a drunk pansy before noon. But I know now that things change fast and I hold hope they do for the better. Two years fly by. Zzzzzzzzzz… (will follow up when awake).

    August 30, 2012
  7. I saw your title and was like, oh no, she didn’t… And I was right. You didn’t. But your student did. What IS it with the state of education in this country?! Sad. What’s not sad is how well things are going with bunlet thus far! I’ve wondered if it would be different the second time around, but seeing as I won’t be traveling that road, I’m going to take your word for it. πŸ™‚ May things continue to get easier and easier!

    August 30, 2012
  8. Bunny, what you need is a pee pee tee pee.The home made 25 cent type Not kidding. Our kid would have pee everywhere in the beginning. Just place over during diaper change and there you have it. Pee contained to tee pee or wash cloth or whatever you’ve got. I’d be happy to send you a few even if it’s just for the comic value.

    Your post actually gives me a touch of hope. I too can relate to the vigilance thing and it makes a lot of sense that the second time it’s learned. Though today I found myself at the store buying size 1 diapers. WTF!

    I’m happy to hear that things are going well and you’re nipples are still attached this time around. That also provides a little hope.

    So that makes you full of hopefulness. Thank you!

    P.S. Is “Thanks Much” a midwestern colloquialism? I hadn’t been exposed prior to setting foot here.

    August 30, 2012
  9. Apparently your students and Bionic’s are reading from the same dictionary.

    August 31, 2012
  10. Good to know these things about second children. We’re not sure whether or not we’re going to try to have one. Always thought we would. But that was before the FUCKING DEPRESSED that followed our perfect pumpling. Glad to read you. πŸ™‚ Which reminds me, there’s something I want to send you. Will email for specs.

    August 31, 2012
  11. Kelly #

    You are fucking hysterical. That is all I wanted to say really. Cheers to your newest edition!

    September 1, 2012
  12. So glad to hear the latest edition (ha! If only it wasn’t true!) is going so well. Very cool to know that it really is easier, or at least less nerve racking, the second time around.

    September 1, 2012
  13. Let us pause for a moment of silence. First, let us pray for the improvement of the quality of education across North America (am I repeating myself or have I not told you about the paper I read from a student in first year talking about depression in the elderly, stating that “tricycles are lethal if overdosed.”) Let us also observe a moment of silence for the lack of bloody nipples. Amen.

    Look forward to seeing those expanded tables. You know how much I like graphs (especially when done in compliance of APA style)

    September 5, 2012

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