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The birth of the Bunlet

Wednesday, August 22nd, 2012.

I slept like complete shit the night before the excision. Something about my esophagus being ON FIRE prevented me from falling into a deep slumber, plus Bunlet had decided that he wanted to take up residence under my ribs, and then he’d streeeeeetch and my ribs would go creeeeeaaaaaak and I’d go OWWWWWW. Eventually it was late enough that I could get up and make some coffee…for Mr. Bunny, as I wasn’t allowed anything. I went in to spend a little time with Bun Bun since I knew the shower would wake her anyway.

For whatever reason, I’d been super stressed about the whole separated from my existing child while delivering my other child thing. I was so worried about how she’d do without us, and so unhappy at the prospect of being without her. I’d written an elaborate manual for my mother (who was looking after her while we were in the hospital) describing every last detail of her day, hoping that having a familiar routine would keep her happy, and that knowing she was happy would keep me happy.

So I snuggled her and tried not to think about leaving her. And then I took a shower, and contemplated the fact that, last time, I’d been wracked with sobs while taking my pre-excision shower, so overwrought at the idea of having her cut out of me before she was ready, so unsure about my ability to protect her. This time I was mainly like I’m so fucking tired and cranky. I finished packing, said goodbye to my daughter (who was happily playing with her grandmother), and off we went into the quiet morning streets. We parked in the familiar lot, walked through the familiar halls, past the doors to the suite housing the OB and IVF clinics, and once again took that magic elevator to L&D. They put me in the same room as last time, good old 12, and soon enough I was sitting in a bed, fetal monitors attached, listening to my child’s heartbeat. An endless procession of people began dropping by to ask the same questions, my favorite person being the anesthesiology resident whom someone had told that robotically patting a patient’s knee at two minute intervals was comforting or something, and who asked me what my previous C-section was for. A baby, I replied, not even trying to be a wise ass. And then they took me to the OR.

I’d been holding it together fairly well, but when I got into that room, I crumbled a bit. It’s such a scary and cold (literally cold) place, and everything in it says MEDICINE and TECHNOLOGY and not warm, organic, squirmy, little life, and it seemed like such a wrong place to bring a child into the world, even though I know it ISN’T and DOESN’T MATTER. (See the birth of the Bun for my feelings on C-sections.) Tears started. The nurse asked if I was nervous and I just nodded rather than trying to explain. Spinal and epidural in, no big thing, foley catheter in, lots of people swarming around, my OB arrives, I start to worry that they have forgotten my HUSBAND. The drape goes up (I seem to have switched to the NARRATIVE PRESENT FOR ADDED DRAMA), they start doing their surgical checklist. A nurse calls over the intercom for the dad from 12, but the dad from 12 doesn’t come. There’s a lot of murmuring from the other side of the drape. Someone calls out INCISION! I am now convinced my husband will miss the whole thing, and bite my tongue to resist begging them to wait. There’s the smell of cauterizing flesh, most likely mine. The nurse calls over the intercom again, and at LAST, the dad from 12 arrives and holds my hand and strokes my forehead and am I EVER glad to see him. Almost immediately someone calls out UTERUS! There’s a pause, and a vigorous shoving on me, and then a wet little bleat! Hello, Cutie Pie, says my OB, which I love, perhaps because it’s so totally far from what I’d say and yet very affectionate. And then a great big shoving on me, and a healthy little wail of new life. My OB says something I can’t remember at ALL that ends in boy, and then there’s laughter. It’s a boy? Mr. Bunny asks, and they confirm, and add that he’s peed on them. And then I see his face for an instant above the drape, blue and smashed, but I know this time that he won’t look like HIM until we are close to each other. He’s whisked away and Mr. Bunny goes with him, and he (Bunlet) pees on someone again, and holds his father’s finger, and is perfect.

Meanwhile, the shitty part has started for me, the part where they pour gallons of acid into my chest cavity for some reason, and I try not to whine too much, but FUCK, that shit HURTS. Until they give me some more drugs, and I’m okay. And then Mr. Bunny brings my son to me, and I can nuzzle him and tell him that I’m his mama and that I’m so happy to see him.

Soon enough they’ve put me back together and hoisted me onto a bed and wheeled me back to 12, with Bunlet and Mr. Bunny following behind. And this time they give him to me right away, and because I am a total expert now, I expertly latch him onto my expert breast and he expertly nurses. And nurses and nurses, and I can stroke his tiny face and miraculous hands and suck on tiny, miraculous ice chips.

The end.

18 Comments Post a comment
  1. This is, hands-down, the best birth story I’ve read. Love it! (tell me you didn’t really smell your own cauterizing flesh though, seriously. You just added that for dramatic effect, right? RIGHT?!)

    September 4, 2012
  2. Jen #

    Almost makes me want a C-section. Heh. (Seriously, as shitty as I feel with this pregnancy, whatever road leads to Rome the fastest and gives me a healthy full-term baby is the one I want. Full stop.)

    September 4, 2012
  3. Hooray for happy endings! I hope the Bunlet is letting you sleep a bit. Get a pumping bra pronto.

    September 4, 2012
  4. cdg #

    welcome to the world baby boy bunlet- much love and congratulations to you all. New family of 4!!!

    September 4, 2012
  5. Misfit Mrs. #

    I forgot lots of my own experience, but reading this brought me tears of joy. Yep, speechless, a rare event. I am so happy for you and for this wonderful creature that you are getting to know. I am hoping that the double gut feeling that the magician sawed in half goes away much faster. That part was a bear.

    September 4, 2012
  6. Fantastic story, no matter how it happens, birthing a baby (or more) is just fantastic.
    So, you had a Cesarean FOR A BABY you had, huh? Weirdo, I says. Other girls wouldda chosen a kitteh who sleeps. To each their own. 🙂
    Hope you get some rest.

    September 4, 2012
  7. Louisa #

    Awwww….that is so lovely thank you for sharing!

    September 4, 2012
  8. Oak #

    Can I borrow this for B’s birth story – because other than the acid (what was that part) and inserting in its place dry heaving, that was the exact same experience I had. Oh and right, it was a GIRL and not a boy but you know, same thing. Welcome Sir Bunlet.

    September 4, 2012
  9. I laughed. This was great.

    I think my favorite was the parenthetical in “and Mr. Bunny goes with him, and he (Bunlet) pees on someone again,” because the idea that you thought we might think that it was Mr. Bunny peeing on someone again…just great.

    September 4, 2012
  10. you spin a good yarn, mama Bunny. I love this tale of birth, peeing on doctors who laugh, and expert breastfeeding. Room 12 is where good things happen.

    September 5, 2012
  11. Ummm…what is this acid you are talking about – I never had that? Other than that part, I’m hoping in April/May of next year to have a similar story for the birth of babee no. 2. Bunlet is absolutely adorable and I’m so glad that breastfeeding seems to be going well. And boys pee. On everyone. All.The.Time. Adam pee’d on both doctors, 2 of the three nurses in the operating room, both his daddy and me and my mom and aunt – all in his first day of life.

    So happy for the Bunny family! xoxo

    September 5, 2012
  12. Thanks for sharing this. Beautiful story my dear. Though I don’t know what the acid is. I recall feeing the stuffing back in of the insides and some dry heaves but not the acid part. Sorry about that.

    I have to say reading it helps me worry less about repeating such activities. It sounds very calm.

    September 6, 2012
  13. SRB #

    Ugh. I died. A horrifyingly beautiful story. LOVE!

    September 6, 2012
  14. Jem #

    I have tears in my eyes after reading this. It is all about getting a baby!!!

    September 6, 2012
  15. Oh! *weep*. Glad ‘dad from 12’ made it in time.

    September 6, 2012
  16. Aww! Thanks for sharing this. Glad Mr. Bunny got there in time–you had me worried for a minute. Also, where was he when they were looking for him?
    Hooray for perfect, miraculous, peeing-on-everyone babies, however they arrive in the world!

    September 6, 2012
  17. Wait, do they really shout “Uterus?” I … love that. I am imagining that it happens in the way that Spanish-language soccer announcers say “Gooooooaaaaalllllll!”

    Thank you for sharing this. You are totally an expert.

    September 6, 2012
  18. Perfect – I love this. Crying away, remembering my c-section and welcoming Bunlet. Thank you.

    September 7, 2012

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