Code green, code red.
Good news! I survived a trip to New Mexico with all my babies and my husband. I fucking hate travel, so it’s not surprising I’ve been a wimp about taking my children places, but we were having a family reunion, so it had to be done. It was grueling, I’m not going to lie. There were some hellish moments, like the one where our neighbors in the hotel woke Bun Bun up at one am with their raucousness and proceeded to smoke enough weed on their balcony that they pretty much hotboxed our room. I’d been worried we’d wake people up with OUR loudness or disturb people with all OUR copious weed smoking! So that was annoying, but then we had our revenge when we got up at 6:30 am and were loud, so hey. But it was also great, and a Valuable Learning Experience, and I got to see my six year old nephew holding his enormous cousin in his lap, and I got to eat a sopaipilla and feed Bun Bun a sopaipilla and my children were very brave and resilient and admired by all.
I also got to have some good parenting conversations with my sister in law (she of Baby Blues is a bunch of bullshit. You will be FUCKING DEPRESSED fame), and she told me loads of funny stories, like the time she was on a road trip and the baby had ***finally*** fallen asleep and she desperately had to piss so she grabbed a diaper and tucked it under herself, but of course a baby diaper ain’t meant to hold the contents of an adult’s full bladder, so she pissed all over herself and the car and everything in the world. So that made me feel a bit better about my own capacity for holding it together.
I know I’m not ACTUALLY a parent of two children, I just play one on
TV Monday. So those of you who really do this all day every day, I know I don’t really understand etc. etc. Nonetheless, I’m settling into it. To the extent that I have devised a graphic representation.
So here’s an average day with both babies. To interpret it you need only know that green = no babies unhappy, yellow = one baby unhappy, and red = both babies unhappy.
As you can see, there’s a lot of glorious green. But codes red are hard. Last night we had quite a code red. Bun Bun had declined her nap (highly unusual) in favor of a cold and MOLARS, and Bunlet was just being his usual 5-6 pm self. Nothing but being carried around with arms (as opposed to a carrier) would do for either of them, so I got to carry one while the other screamed, then trade, all the while murmuring helpful sibling-relationship-building things like see how Bunlet is waiting while I carry you? Soon it will be your turn to wait while I carry Bunlet!
In the beginning, any codes red at all would break my heart, and I wasn’t too happy with yellows. But I couldn’t prevent them, and feeling like a failure got boring. So I’m slowly learning to revel in green moments, bother myself a great deal less about yellows, and instantly pop on the Ma Phones when I see a red approaching.
I still have days when I’m appalled at my inability to be patient (OMG, I need to do a whole post on that topic, with a pie chart), but not as many days. Who knows, there may yet come a day with no reds at all.
Maybe even a day that’s green from dawn to dusk. It’s got a kind of poetry to it, doesn’t it?