The baby hoardingest Christmas
Bunlet turned four months old on Saturday. On Friday, we had the first snowstorm of the year. It was a bit pathetic and skimpy, despite Mr. Bunny’s excitement. We’re going to get a foot of snow! I need to rush out and buy all the things we’ll need if we can’t get out for a few days! Which, by the way, turns out to be BEER. Not the foods that Bun Bun needs, or, you know, laundry detergent.
Anyway, while he was buying beer I was making Bunlet’s stocking, because hey, it’s his first Christmas! Bun Bun inherited my dead father’s stocking, which I made about ten years ago. On her first Christmas my entire family was visiting, so to make it clear that it was now HER stocking, I attached her photo to it.
The photo was from her first snow storm.
As it happens, that first snow storm was the very day I found out I was maybe going to be a baby hoarder.
I never told that story because I was so stunned, and so certain that I was going to miscarry, and so filled with guilt. But hey, it’s a year later, and I didn‘t miscarry, and I think you guys have maybe forgiven me. Surely anyone who is still reading has forgiven me.
Saturday, December 17th. Mr. Bunny and I were doing our monthly housecleaning. It was snowing, and gorgeous, and he decided to pause in his cleaning to get us some falafel. Bun Bun got to wear her Bun Bunting for the first time, so I snapped a few photos of them. My period was a day late. Of course, it was only my third postpartum cycle, so the most likely explanation was just random variation. But on the days when we clean the house it’s traditional for us to drink many margaritas. I knew I had a ratty old pregnancy test, so I figured I might as well take it so I could drink without qualms. Qualms don’t go with margaritas. So I took it. It was one of the plus/minus-not-very-sensitive kind, and old, but of course I wasn’t pregnant, so what did it matter? I watched, I saw nothing. I felt…sheepish. What was I doing? We’d avoided my fertile window, after all. How silly to be taking a pregnancy test.
But as I carried it over to the trash, I saw…something. The world’s faintest line. My immediate reaction was sadness. I assumed it was another chemical. After all, faint line = chemical. I thought how fucking tedious it was going to be to miscarry while my family was visiting. Or maybe I’d get to not drink for their entire visit and then miscarry as soon as they left. Good times.
Mr. Bunny came back and I showed him the test. Did you get PREGNANT? He said. We laughed. I explained that it was likely over already. He manfully suppressed his excitement. But despite the now quite snowy snow, I made him go out and get the good tests as soon as we were done cleaning. The first good test showed a strong line.
And now, a year later, I took a photo of Bunlet in that same Bun Bunting.
And attached it to his brandy brand new stocking.
(Of course the best way to end this post would be for me to be pregnant again, all turtles all the way down and so forth. Sorry to disappoint, but I just couldn’t pull that off.)
It’s been an amazing year. I am indescribably fortunate. I wish you all such good fortune. I am going to have some eggnog now.