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SHUT UP, David Attenborough!

Mr. Bunny and I watched a new David Attenborough series on AFRICA (I know where that is thanks to GEOGRAPHY!*) last week. These shows were painful before I was a mother, and are now almost unbearable because of SAVE THE BABIES! The basic narrative structure is:

Cue soaring, happy music.
1. Admire the grandeur of this vista!
2. Meet this creature! Even if you think it is ugly at first, soon you will be charmed by its cunning ways!
3. See how it reproduces! My, aren’t its young adorable!
Cue sinister music.
4. Unfortunately, ALL THE BABIES ARE EATEN/THE MOTHER DIES OF STARVATION/THE MOTHER IS EATEN AND ALL THE BABIES DIE OF STARVATION

So I probably shouldn’t watch these things. But parts 1-3 are so rewarding! And I figured I could just leave the room every time the music turned sinister, and I did, and it mostly worked…except for once when I didn’t quite get out in time.

But there’s been an unforeseen consequence, namely a cruel game Mr. Bunny has started playing. We’ll be hanging out with our sweet children, and suddenly…David Attenborough will be there.

Cue soaring music.

This sweet human infant is sleeping peacefully in the wooden nest constructed by his parents. His fat cheeks and chubby  fists indicate a significant maternal investment. If all goes well, this baby will grow up strong and happy.

UNFORTUNATELY….

And I snatch up all the children and run from the room screaming SHUT UP, DAVID ATTENBOROUGH! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!

 

*I got a 100% on my North and South America test, thanks very much.

8 Comments Post a comment
  1. Yeah, Sugar ruined those for me forever by pointing out that pattern — which repeats every ten minutes — when I was using them for distraction while pumping. she said they were making me tense and cranky. I hate it when she’s right.

    But she’s never right about geography. Phew.

    March 3, 2013
  2. Hah. We’ve been watching Planet Earth recently as a family before the children’s bedtime. I’ve liked it very much as an easy way of showing my four year old son some of the concepts of death, and the food chain, etc. He’s completely addicted to the hunting scenes in this awestruck, horrified way, and I sometimes worry he’ll have nightmares, but he never seems to be unduly bothered by it.

    It does sometimes get me, in that save the babies way, but generally not too much. Apparently, I can just about cope with animal babies not being saved.

    March 3, 2013
  3. This is why I gave up on nature documentaries for now. I cannot stand it, the circle of darned life. Eat or be eaten… Not to mention that they haven’t heard of save the babies in their lives! Sinister indeed. I might be safer watching 24, at least gore and carnage is what I expect there and am thoroughly disppointed when the body count is only in the two digits realm.

    March 3, 2013
  4. SRB #

    Dude… when that baby elephant gets lost in the dust storm? Or when you are pretty sure those baby ostriches are going to be fried drumsticks looking for water? Or when those crazy dinosaur-looking birds let the older chick PECK THE OTHER TO DEATH???

    Nightmares.

    I still love David though. Truly. Madly. Deeply.

    March 3, 2013
  5. Oh, I turned one on while nursing, and it had cute fluffy polar bears! And the mama polar bear! And then cute baby seals! And then… yep. Never watching again.

    March 3, 2013
  6. Same experience for me with the Planet Earth series. When I was up all night nursing Arlo I’d queue up a DVD and would almost always regret it. Though I did watch an ep of Nature not too long ago in which some kind of antlered beast of the savannah chased down a big cat and rammed the shit out of him for trying to eat her baybee. And I loved her for it.

    March 7, 2013
    • Finally! Why can’t someone do a whole nature show about THAT!

      March 7, 2013

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