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A (Mon and Tues) day in the life, or Why my divan is the silkiest

A while back I mentioned that my life is basically lying on a silken divan being fed delicious things, and this continues to be true. I thought some of you might enjoy reading about an easy life. After all, there are lots of TV shows about rich people, so there must be some appeal to the vicarious experience of luxury.

Plus, after you guys were like QUIT YOUR WHORE BRAGGING ABOUT HAVING TIME TO MAKE TINY PANTS YOU BRAGGING WHORE I felt like I owed you an explanation.

For reals, though, I find I enjoy reading other people’s posts about how their days go, for whatever reason. Maybe it’s the way I get sucked in by the level of detail. Maybe it’s the comparison with my own day. Not sure. In any event, here is my description of each type of weekday I experience.

A Monday in the life.

6am: Babies begin talking to themselves, punctuating their happy chatter with the occasional Let’s get this day started wail. We ignore them until 6:45.
6:45: I go downstairs to make coffee and set up the breakfast things. (Microwave Bun Bun’s oatmeal so it’s cool enough to eat when she comes down, lay out Bunlet’s fruit, etc.)
7: I bring the coffee up and we converge in the Baby Room. I nurse Bunlet while Mr.Bunny changes and dresses Bun Bun and she babbles some crazy shit. Then someone changes and dresses Bunlet.
7:30. Mr. Bunny leaves. I take a shower. Bun Bun sits in the bathroom and flips through books, Bunlet crawls (drags himself) around, usually getting stuck between the toilet and bathtub, but is surprisingly cheerful about it.
8-9: I tidy up, drop the diapers down the laundry chute, make the bed. We all head down to breakfast. We eat. When Bun Bun and I are done, I trim her nails. (I do it at the table because it used to be it was only possible if she was strapped to something and couldn’t escape, but now it’s part of the Monday routine and she actually holds her hands out for me. Wow!) Usually she wanders off to the playroom while I clean up and Bunlet finishes smearing himself with pear. I clean him up, bring him to the playroom, lock them in, run down to the basement to put the diapers in. I vacuum the playroom, minus the spots occupied by babies.
9: Bunlet gets a book read to him and goes down for his nap. Bun Bun and I have some quality interaction time. Then I clean the downstairs bathroom. Bun Bun and I change the laundry. She’s good at transferring things from washer to dryer. I do the ironing. We hang out some more, or I prepare something for the babies to eat later in the week, like her pancakes or some roasted vegetable for him.
10: I prepare, administer, and clean up from a snack. Bunlet is usually awake by now, so I go upstairs and nurse him. Bun Bun always follows. Then I vacuum their room, and clean the upstairs bathroom while they hang out. We go downstairs, Bun Bun and I change the laundry while Bunlet stays in the playroom. We play in some fashion until it’s time to get lunch ready.
12: Lunch for all! Cleaning up from lunch for me! Being cleaned up from lunch by me for them! We all go upstairs and read books for half an hour, then Naps for all babies!
1: I put my feet up. Babies nap. I write important things like this.
2: Bunlet awakes, and I try to extract him from their room without waking her. If successful, we hang out quietly until Bun Bun awakes.
2:30: Bun Bun awakes. We fold diapers, then have a snack. On some magical days, both of them sleep for two or three hours, and then I get a nice rest.
3:30-5: Bunlet goes down for nap 3, or, if he slept enough that he doesn’t need another nap, we walk to the parent’s center for play (babies) and awkward conversations with other parents (me). Or I’m too tired and we stay home and putter. Go for a walk, hang out in the yard. Read books, whatever.
5:15: We return home, where Mr. Bunny is making dinner.
6:00. We dine. I take the babies upstairs while Mr. Bunny cleans up. Bath for Bun Bun. Watching bath for Bunlet. Every two weeks or so he gets a bath when she’s done. In fresh water.
6:45: We converge in the Baby Room again. I nurse Bunlet and put him to bed, while Mr. Bunny reads to Bun Bun and puts her to bed.
7:02-8:30: Mr. Bunny watches TV, I read, write letters, make tiny pants, etc. Telly Ban Monday! I drink a big glass of wine.
9: With luck, I’m asleep by now.

[You should assume there are some additional diaper changes and nursing sessions in here as well.]

A Tuesday (also true of Wednesday-Friday) in the life

6-7:30: Other than the fact that Mr. Bunny makes the coffee and sets up breakfast, just like Monday.
7:30: Mr. Bunny takes his shower while I change and dress babies.
8: They go down to breakfast and I shower and do the tidying. I dump the diapers down the laundry chute, where they will magically wash and dry themselves, and convey themselves back to their places all neatly folded. On Wednesdays the baby laundry does itself, too!
8:30. Get my things ready for work (lunch, pumping supplies), leave. Mr. Bunny brings the babies to the window to wave goodbye to me, which is very sweet.
9: I arrive, waste a bunch of time noodling around.
10-12:30. Eat. Grade. Pump. Grade. Answer e-mail, perhaps attend a brain sucking committee meeting, other pointless stuff. Because I have Wednesdays and Fridays for research, I rarely try to accomplish anything on teaching days unless there is urgent deadliney stuff.
12:30. Scarf down lunch and realize I have to pump again immediately. Pump.
1-4. I’m in class, located somewhere behind a thin veneer of paying attention.
4-4:15. Make notes on how classes went for next time, tidy office, wash dishes, make to-do list for Wednesday. Head home.
4:45. Arrive, discuss how day went with nanny. She goes home and I begin making dinner or feeding Bunlet or both.

And the rest is the same as Tuesday, except that I watch TV with Mr. Bunny.

Is it not a glorious, super-silky divan I’ve got?

Of course, there are some day-to-day variations that are a bit less silky, like when Bun Bun rips her diaper off while I’m helplessly feeding her brother and gets shit on herself and then FREAKS OUT BECAUSE SHE GOT SHIT ON HERSELF. GOOD TIMES. But still, those are pretty minor peas under my mattress.

And it’s worth noting that, in addition to the many, many things that make my life easy (like having a partner who does his share, and having no commute, and having no day-care drop off, having enough money to not have to carefully consider every purchase…) there are two personal choices that keep my divan silky.

1. I don’t do scheduled activities with my children. This is 50% parenting philosophy* and 50% personal disinclination. Or, more likely, this is 100% personal disinclination masking itself as some percent parenting philosophy.

2. I don’t have a social life. Seriously, this is the money maker. Those weeks when we go out a lot and see people and do things? They make my divan feel like it’s stuffed with rabid porcupines.

In short, that’s how I make tiny pants.




*Which boils down to Fuck it, there’s time for that shit later, not Activities are Bad for Children.

24 Comments Post a comment
  1. Jen #

    A) I am glad to AT LAST find out that someone else puts their many babies to bed as early as we do, because nearly everyone we’ve talked to EVER stares at my second head when I tell them the kids are in bed by 7pm. Apparently all other children go to bed well after 8pm, some as late at 10pm. Not on my watch. I’ve got Game of Thrones and Walking Dead to tend to.

    B) Hooray for no social life! Agreed! It makes everything much easier, the lack of expectations of going out with people to do things with people that do things.

    C) Hell yes to the partner who does his share. Just, word.

    D) Also glad I’m not the only one who bathes the baby infrequently. He gets his important bits cleaned on the regular, so why drag all the crap to the kitchen sink and subject us both to that?

    E) Here, here on the overabundance of planned activities for babies. I also got the stinkeye from other neighborhood moms over that. Other parent: “What are you doing this summer with Jackson? Little Precious Snowflake and I are signed up for a Mommy and Me class, swimming lessons, tumbling, Gymboree, Underwater Norwegian Basketweaving at the community center, and we also go to the library seven times a day for storytime.” Me: “Uh, we go to the farmer’s market sometimes.” We just started our first activities because the toddler was FUCKING CRAZY indoors with too much energy and we needed something to make it STOP. So, swimming for 30 minutes a week and tumbling for 45 minutes a week (really, me chasing him around yelling, “Get back on the trampoline!”). But once it gets warm, just the farmer’s market.

    I don’t make tiny pants; I attempt other lesser crafts and watch Daily Show reruns.

    April 11, 2013
    • Well, I know some people don’t have the option of getting a kid to bed that early, because if you work till 5 and have a daycare pickup and a commute, in order to see your child you might have to stay up later, and of course some children don’t obediently go to sleep on command / some parents don’t ascribe to methods involving putting a baby down and departing, but all that whateverworksforyouiswhat’sright stuff aside, HOW CAN ANYONE NOT WANT TO GET RID OF THE BABIES AS EARLY AS POSSIBLE AND GET ON WITH THE DRINKING?

      April 11, 2013
      • Our girls’ bedtime is 7pm. Last night I put them down at 6:30 because they were driving me insane and because I’M THE MOM, GO TO BED. And then I opened the bottle of wine. So, yah.

        April 11, 2013
  2. I am in awe at the amount of vacuuming you do. The time came not too long ago when I realized that (a) I’d never actually used the vacuum Joel had so lovingly researched and picked out more than a year before, and (b) we clearly don’t vacuum enough for Gwen not to shriek at the top of her lungs in vague distress when we do.

    April 11, 2013
    • Europe doesn’t have as much dust. It’s a fact.

      April 11, 2013
  3. Hearing about other people’s routines can be interesting. And validating. And in your case, highly entertaining. And your divan? Silkiest EV-AH.

    April 11, 2013
  4. Nicky #

    Also in awe of the cleaning. Way to go! I’m happy if I clean bathrooms and vacuum once every few weeks. My standards are fairly low. I do not make tiny pants, I’d rather plant ALL the things! Oh, so many plants…

    April 11, 2013
    • Nicky #

      Also, my kids go to bed by 7:30. (They are 5 and 3.) DH only likes socializing every other weekend, Saturdays only. I stay at home, so I get in my friend time while he’s at work. So, we are both happy.

      April 11, 2013
  5. Okay, firstly, laundry chute? You actually have one? Is this common in the US of A? Because I have only ever seen one in a hotel. Love the magical washer dryer that appears for most of the week. Also I thought Mr Bunny worked from home, so was wondering why he doesn’t watch all the babies while you have a shower. I also do heartily agree that the babies should go to sleep early so you can get on with the drinking. When I was a child (the olden days) I was sent to bed at 7.30 well into primary school. In hindsight, this was probably so that my own parents could get on with the drinking. (oh oh! Bunny the psychologist might just see a pattern there!)

    Anyway, did love reading about your super silky divan. As I have nothing else to write about, perhaps I could borrow this idea for The Silky Divan: Child-Free Edition.

    April 11, 2013
  6. 7pm bed, 7.03pm wine or earlier. As to scheduled activities we also do none. She’s 9m old and enjoys playing with the egg cartons. I’m not shelling out for paid activities!

    April 11, 2013
  7. The divan, it is silky indeed. Currently I am envious of the mere possibility of a large glass of wine….

    April 12, 2013
  8. I also enjoy reading about the minutiae of other’s peoples daily lives/schedules (though this is likely filtered down from ‘all other people’ to ‘people who I think R COOL’.) Word to no social life. I did sign S and my husband up for a few scheduled activities but this was in an attempt to get him connected with some other dads during the long cold winter months. Alas, there were only nannies.

    April 12, 2013
  9. Oh, you make it sound so lovely but I’m sure it’s CRAZY AS ALL GET OUT because it’s TWO BABIES. Yes to the early bedtime (when they drop naps, you might even be able to get away with 6:30! That was LG around 3!) and no scheduled activities. There is too much of that sort of thing with the older crowd…

    April 12, 2013
  10. Misfit #

    This only makes me love you more. Tiny pants making bitch and all. Social interactions ate overrated.

    I need a weekly plan on the nails. You inspire.

    April 12, 2013
  11. Oh. My. Goddess of the Silky Domestic Divan. My life is a chaotic shambles. In fact, my next post is going to be a detailed account of exactly how chaotically shambolic it is. I think you should be making the tiny pants for all of us.

    April 12, 2013
  12. homebrewedbaby #

    Another early bedtimer here! some nights we push it to 7:15pm, but most nights it’s “7pm! bedtime!” and i have no plans for it to be later than that for many, many years to come. And thank you, Nicky, for being another voice of sanity against the cleaning! There is too much cleaning happening in your world, Bunny! My inferiority complex has reasserted itself! Um, no really it’s a problem for me, because my inner-type-a-clean-freak threatens to become an external-bitch every time i turn around. I can’t stand clutter and dirty countertops. And yet they are all around me, all the time. But this leads to my question: I need much more detail about what is going on around you during this cleaning and cooking? (shut up, i know that’s not a question but a question mark makes it one, dammit.) Because those are my absolute worst moments with the boys. It’s nightmarish. If i step foot in the kitchen or even think about thinking about some straightening up, i immediately have two ape children clinging with remarkable ferocity and WHININESS to all of my limbs until i give up all hope of productivity. Then – and only then – does normalcy return? Are you cleaning and cooking amidst howls and trauma? Or are you seriously doing this while placid children play delightfully with their toys? Teach me your secrets!! And also kudos, i suppose, on waiting until after bedtime for the whine. The boys point to the beer bottles in the recycling and say “mama.” I wish i was kidding. I am not.

    April 12, 2013
    • Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha! I love that your children associate you with empty beer bottles. They’re going to be all “Mama dead soldiers!” As for my secret to getting shit done, lean in and listen close…..It’s luck. Yeah, get in on that! I think they are just different in temperament, or like me less or something. Bunlet does mainly lie there, or he wiggles his way into a corner and cries and I move him. Bun Bun alternates between reading (“reading”) a book and following me around. The only tiny possible bit of insight? Bun Bun *used* to whine and cling. So it may be the fact that they know Monday is “following Mama around” day. But it might also be that she just grew out of it. I suppose after you master all the other things you’ve got going on with your TWO TODDLERS, you can work on this one, yeah?

      April 14, 2013
  13. Roccie #

    Love your head.

    April 12, 2013
  14. Bedtime is 7pm here too. Although Monkey still nurses to sleep so I’m in there until 7:40-ish most (good) nights. I don’t know how the late bed timers do it!

    I’m the opposite with activities though. I find Monkey is much easier to entertain if we’re at playgroup or kindy gym compared to at home where he’s pulling everything out of the kitchen cupboards or bopping the dog with his maracas.

    Yay for helpful partners too. If Hubs didn’t do his share I’m sure I wouldn’t manage. Cudos to single parents, holy cow that terrifies me.

    And fingernails are part of our Friday routine. Once a day Monkey and I sit down on the couch for 25 glorious minutes (if he watches the whole thing, which he doesn’t always) and watch Play School together, and on Fridays, while he’s watching, I trim his nails. For a while I could only do it while he was sleeping (I bought nail clippers with a built in light!!) but now he holds his hands out and instructs me which finger to do next. Mostly.

    April 12, 2013
  15. (Arg. My wacom tablet has gone mental and zapped my comment. I do hope it doesn’t pop up now and gurn at me.)

    What was it I said, anyway? Oh yes.

    I am impressed, bunny. By your organisational abilities and by the fact you can recall them. This is very good. Also, you vacuum a lot.

    ALSO! Telly Ban Monday: Maintenance thereof. I am persisting too. It is mostly okay, is it not? There is always a book to read or, when desperate, something to clean.

    April 12, 2013
    • It’s the best! Such a genius idea to just take one night off!

      April 14, 2013
  16. Ana #

    We used to have a 7:30 bedtime…well little one still does but big one seriously is NOT sleepy, (on the days he gets nap at daycare, so most weekdays) until 8 or 8:30, so we do our bedtimes in sequence I kind of don’t mind because I don’t see them until 6PM on weekdays, and sometimes I leave in the morning at 7:30 right when he wakes up. I miss being DONE earlier in the evening, especially since we still have 5:30 AM wake-up with wake-the-dead screaming (no little ignorable morning sounds here) & I have wine to drink and stuff to read & watch.
    I agree with the no socializing and also the no activities. Each kid gets a 30 minute swim lesson weekly right now because I love the beach and pool in the summer and want them to eventually not need to cling to me constantly. And a partner that does not do his share is no partner at all to me.
    Also, I was more annoyed at the WHORISH amount of energy/motivation you must have to sit down and make tiny pants…i have lots of TIME…I just choose to spend it drinking or reading these days…
    Also jealous of your 9-4 work schedule.

    April 12, 2013
  17. Very silky. You do clean it a lot though. I must be far less organized — no kids, no social life, not even making tiny pants (I am knitting a blanket though, just in case), and still it seems you get much more done around the house.

    April 14, 2013
  18. -We still do a 7pm bedtime around here. And I’m so glad that we do. I love my child dearly but desperately need an hour or two to wash the occasional dish, pack lunches, and maybe watch some crummy TV.
    -Tad has only started doing a scheduled activity since starting preschool at 2 1/2. And the best part is it happens at school! You pay a little extra and your kid gets a weekly soccer lesson without the need to schlep him/her anywhere or find weeknight/weekend time to fit it in.
    -The main thing I’m jealous of is the naps. Tad stopped taking them about a year ago and I really miss having that time to catch my breath, putz around the house, sleep or whatever.

    April 17, 2013

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