A (Mon and Tues) day in the life, or Why my divan is the silkiest
A while back I mentioned that my life is basically lying on a silken divan being fed delicious things, and this continues to be true. I thought some of you might enjoy reading about an easy life. After all, there are lots of TV shows about rich people, so there must be some appeal to the vicarious experience of luxury.
Plus, after you guys were like QUIT YOUR WHORE BRAGGING ABOUT HAVING TIME TO MAKE TINY PANTS YOU BRAGGING WHORE I felt like I owed you an explanation.
For reals, though, I find I enjoy reading other people’s posts about how their days go, for whatever reason. Maybe it’s the way I get sucked in by the level of detail. Maybe it’s the comparison with my own day. Not sure. In any event, here is my description of each type of weekday I experience.
A Monday in the life.
6am: Babies begin talking to themselves, punctuating their happy chatter with the occasional Let’s get this day started wail. We ignore them until 6:45.
6:45: I go downstairs to make coffee and set up the breakfast things. (Microwave Bun Bun’s oatmeal so it’s cool enough to eat when she comes down, lay out Bunlet’s fruit, etc.)
7: I bring the coffee up and we converge in the Baby Room. I nurse Bunlet while Mr.Bunny changes and dresses Bun Bun and she babbles some crazy shit. Then someone changes and dresses Bunlet.
7:30. Mr. Bunny leaves. I take a shower. Bun Bun sits in the bathroom and flips through books, Bunlet crawls (drags himself) around, usually getting stuck between the toilet and bathtub, but is surprisingly cheerful about it.
8-9: I tidy up, drop the diapers down the laundry chute, make the bed. We all head down to breakfast. We eat. When Bun Bun and I are done, I trim her nails. (I do it at the table because it used to be it was only possible if she was strapped to something and couldn’t escape, but now it’s part of the Monday routine and she actually holds her hands out for me. Wow!) Usually she wanders off to the playroom while I clean up and Bunlet finishes smearing himself with pear. I clean him up, bring him to the playroom, lock them in, run down to the basement to put the diapers in. I vacuum the playroom, minus the spots occupied by babies.
9: Bunlet gets a book read to him and goes down for his nap. Bun Bun and I have some quality interaction time. Then I clean the downstairs bathroom. Bun Bun and I change the laundry. She’s good at transferring things from washer to dryer. I do the ironing. We hang out some more, or I prepare something for the babies to eat later in the week, like her pancakes or some roasted vegetable for him.
10: I prepare, administer, and clean up from a snack. Bunlet is usually awake by now, so I go upstairs and nurse him. Bun Bun always follows. Then I vacuum their room, and clean the upstairs bathroom while they hang out. We go downstairs, Bun Bun and I change the laundry while Bunlet stays in the playroom. We play in some fashion until it’s time to get lunch ready.
12: Lunch for all! Cleaning up from lunch for me! Being cleaned up from lunch by me for them! We all go upstairs and read books for half an hour, then Naps for all babies!
1: I put my feet up. Babies nap. I write important things like this.
2: Bunlet awakes, and I try to extract him from their room without waking her. If successful, we hang out quietly until Bun Bun awakes.
2:30: Bun Bun awakes. We fold diapers, then have a snack. On some magical days, both of them sleep for two or three hours, and then I get a nice rest.
3:30-5: Bunlet goes down for nap 3, or, if he slept enough that he doesn’t need another nap, we walk to the parent’s center for play (babies) and awkward conversations with other parents (me). Or I’m too tired and we stay home and putter. Go for a walk, hang out in the yard. Read books, whatever.
5:15: We return home, where Mr. Bunny is making dinner.
6:00. We dine. I take the babies upstairs while Mr. Bunny cleans up. Bath for Bun Bun. Watching bath for Bunlet. Every two weeks or so he gets a bath when she’s done. In fresh water.
6:45: We converge in the Baby Room again. I nurse Bunlet and put him to bed, while Mr. Bunny reads to Bun Bun and puts her to bed.
7:02-8:30: Mr. Bunny watches TV, I read, write letters, make tiny pants, etc. Telly Ban Monday! I drink a big glass of wine.
9: With luck, I’m asleep by now.
[You should assume there are some additional diaper changes and nursing sessions in here as well.]
A Tuesday (also true of Wednesday-Friday) in the life
6-7:30: Other than the fact that Mr. Bunny makes the coffee and sets up breakfast, just like Monday.
7:30: Mr. Bunny takes his shower while I change and dress babies.
8: They go down to breakfast and I shower and do the tidying. I dump the diapers down the laundry chute, where they will magically wash and dry themselves, and convey themselves back to their places all neatly folded. On Wednesdays the baby laundry does itself, too!
8:30. Get my things ready for work (lunch, pumping supplies), leave. Mr. Bunny brings the babies to the window to wave goodbye to me, which is very sweet.
9: I arrive, waste a bunch of time noodling around.
10-12:30. Eat. Grade. Pump. Grade. Answer e-mail, perhaps attend a brain sucking committee meeting, other pointless stuff. Because I have Wednesdays and Fridays for research, I rarely try to accomplish anything on teaching days unless there is urgent deadliney stuff.
12:30. Scarf down lunch and realize I have to pump again immediately. Pump.
1-4. I’m in class, located somewhere behind a thin veneer of paying attention.
4-4:15. Make notes on how classes went for next time, tidy office, wash dishes, make to-do list for Wednesday. Head home.
4:45. Arrive, discuss how day went with nanny. She goes home and I begin making dinner or feeding Bunlet or both.
And the rest is the same as Tuesday, except that I watch TV with Mr. Bunny.
Is it not a glorious, super-silky divan I’ve got?
Of course, there are some day-to-day variations that are a bit less silky, like when Bun Bun rips her diaper off while I’m helplessly feeding her brother and gets shit on herself and then FREAKS OUT BECAUSE SHE GOT SHIT ON HERSELF. GOOD TIMES. But still, those are pretty minor peas under my mattress.
And it’s worth noting that, in addition to the many, many things that make my life easy (like having a partner who does his share, and having no commute, and having no day-care drop off, having enough money to not have to carefully consider every purchase…) there are two personal choices that keep my divan silky.
1. I don’t do scheduled activities with my children. This is 50% parenting philosophy* and 50% personal disinclination. Or, more likely, this is 100% personal disinclination masking itself as some percent parenting philosophy.
2. I don’t have a social life. Seriously, this is the money maker. Those weeks when we go out a lot and see people and do things? They make my divan feel like it’s stuffed with rabid porcupines.
In short, that’s how I make tiny pants.
*Which boils down to Fuck it, there’s time for that shit later, not Activities are Bad for Children.