For some time I’ve been harboring a suspicion that Bun Bun is more of a jerk with my husband than she is with me. I’ve been fighting it off because I know that a) it’s quite possibly related to my general grumpiness towards my husband, which has little to do with him and a lot to do with me being hormonal and just generally a bitch and perhaps a smidgen of the fact that our marriage has mild ups and downs and this is a DOWN and b) our silly little minds are designed to trick us in these areas, like when my husband fails it’s because he’s not a good parent while when I fail it’s because Bun Bun is particularly horrible–see the fundamental attribution error. On the other hand, I KNOW there are some things she and I don’t have conflict over while they DO. Like getting in the stroller. And I almost prefer bedtime when he’s not home because with just me and the babies it’s a lot of work, but usually smooth, and with him there’s all this refusing and shrieking and running around. I also try to keep in mind that I don’t know what it’s like when I’m not there–perhaps it’s not HIM or ME but two parents versus one parent. There’s also the fact that he takes care of both kids every Friday, but for the past three weeks there’s been some reason why he couldn’t (Oh, I’m so overworked, I need to get the nanny to come in! Never mind the fact that I took three hours off yesterday for myself! Look at me sneaking some bitching in… It doesn’t affect me in ANY way, yet I resent him for it. Blech!), so he may be out of practice.
And of COURSE I think that my parenting style is more effective at times. Surely every co-parent thinks that. I’m not afraid of conflict with her and that seems to result in certain things not happening. (Like she’s fond of ripping his glasses off and flinging them on the ground, which I must say does not happen with mine. It has nothing to do with the fact that I only wear glasses in the morning and at night.)
Anyway, I try to be just, and I try to maintain perspective, but it’s hard. So I’ve concluded the solution is mental incident reports. The best way to get an accurate fix on how much whining happens on my watch is to actually pay attention to it.
It has been 5 HOURS since last incident.*
Time: 7:15 am.
Cause: Disagreement about lemur diaper vs. Bun Bun diaper. After consultation with Toddler, operator initiated Lemur diaper THEN Bun Bun diaper routine. Lemur diaper successful, but attempt at Bun Bun diaper resulted in whining incident of 15 seconds duration.
Resolution: Operator reminded Toddler of previous consultation, then initiated Ignore routine. Toddler compliance restored and diaper routine completed within 2 minutes.
Time: 7:22 am
Cause: Disagreement about cozy pants vs. soft pants. Operator initiated application of pants routine with do it yourself subroutine. Whining incident of 30 seconds duration. Precise cause unknown because operator did not know what the fuck toddler was yowling about, but something about soft pants suspected.
Resolution: Operator initiated Ignore routine immediately, citing lack of sleep due to randomly-shrieking-in-the-middle-of-the-night-several-times-toddler. Operator claims that had sleep quality been better, attempt to ascertain nature and location of so-called soft pants would have been undertaken. Toddler compliance restored and pants routine completed within 30 seconds, though further whining incident of 2 sec duration when Toddler could not get pants on alone. Help requested and provided.
Let’s see what tonight brings…
A parenting question. Because Bun Bun no longer eats at dinner, she finishes first and wants to get down. Not a problem. We’ve been telling her she can read a book at her designated area (5 feet away) but has to leave us alone until we finish. That worked great for a while and still does if she’s in the right mood, but lately she’s been coming over and trying to climb up on the bench or on Mr. Bunny’s lap, etc. I don’t want to rush through my dinner just to keep her entertained. There’s no way I can keep up with her, plus modeling a family meal is important to me, plus Bunlet needs someone to help him eat his mango. Options we’ve discussed. Giving her a book at the table. Not keen on that, though not sure why. Not sure it will work if what she wants is to get down. Putting her in the playroom, which is gated, and not visible from the kitchen. Not keen on that. Seems too punitive. Suggestions?
*But only because I went to work. HA!