The perfect pet
Watching our lovely fat son proto-crawl around the other day, Mr. Bunny suggested that a nine month old is really the perfect pet. Our nine month old is as self-entertaining as the average cat: He pretty much spends the day rolling around on his own. But so affectionate! No dog could ever be so sweet. And cats and dogs don’t LAUGH. There is nothing like the laugh of a baby. Nine month olds, man! Everyone should have a few.
I was quick to point out that there are some downsides. I’d either have to nurse our pet nine month old, or give it formula, and formula smells gross, but I’m not prepared to breastfeed for the rest of my life. More difficult is the fact that a nine month old quickly becomes a ten month old. How do we get access to a supply of nine month olds and what do we do about the expired ones? I suggested we become foster parents, but be very clear about the fact that we were only willing to foster cheerful, good-sleepin’ nine month olds. Shouldn’t be a problem. It’s not like our foster care system has any shortage of those.*
What if I get attached to our pet nine month old and am not willing to send him or her back at the end of the month?
What if I become one of those crazy old nine month old ladies, with waaaaaaay to many nine month olds, and a house that smells like nine month olds?
At this point Bunlet began to cry, and I scooped him up and promised him that he is not a pet.
*I can imagine that if you’re a foster parent, doing this absolutely amazing thing that I don’t have the courage to do, you might be put out by this. Of course, if you don’t like black humor, you don’t like me.