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The most neglected fetus

HELLO! My name is Bunter. Never heard of me? That’s RIGHT. That’s because I’m the third fetus of a mama who has two living children. And nobody gives a shit about third fetuses when they have two live children.

Did my mama tell you that she had a genetic screening because of how ancient and withered she is? And that no trisomies were detected? No, of course not. Who gives a shit. Who gives a shit about an apparently healthy THIRD fetus. Unless all your other fetuses are dead. Then maybe I’d get on your radar.

Did she tell you that she feels me kicking her all the time now? She thinks it’s sweet, but I’m doing it out of resentment. And have you see how few pictures of me there are on my page? It’s like with Bun Bun, every fucking week mama’s showing off her uterus, and with me…I’ll be lucky if I get four total.


She swears that she loves me NOW, but that whole I never wanted to be pregnant thing? All that crying and gnashing her teeth? Did she think I couldn’t hear her?

I couldn’t, actually. Because I don’t really have an auditory system yet. So my primitive little ears are useless. But I get wireless in here, obviously. How did you think I was writing this?

So now I can make my presence known. Since nobody’s going to do it for me. Look forward to breastfeeding myself and changing my own diapers.


15 Comments Post a comment
  1. Hi Bunny, first-time commenter, long-time lurker, came here from gwinne’s place.
    Love the blog! I also have 3 kids (all boys) and I am a prof at a large public research university.

    This post was hilarious!

    I just want to say please don’t feel bad for being less than thrilled about the baby!

    Our first was unplanned, DH and I were only dating. I had really mixed emotions about the baby, and yes abortion was discussed (although not very seriously). I ended up making major career changes to have the baby and the family (left a very prestigious PhD program to join my then boyfriend at a lesser school and I even switched fields) and I felt a lot of resentment over that for a long while. FFWD 15 years, my career is better than it would have been otherwise, and that baby is 15 years old and is the most wonderful kid on Earth. He feels loved and is very confident and comfortable in his skin.

    Before the 3rd baby, I had an early miscarriage, so I spent much of the pregnancy actively trying not to get my hopes up (when I wasn’t sick like a dog and vomiting, and the minute vomiting stopped the heartburn and leg swelling took over). The whole time I felt bad for missing my pregnancy, for not enjoying it more, for not… Who knows what? I just know I felt quite guilty the whole time (which is really unfair, considering I physically felt like crap, too). I had the baby two days after my 38 birthday, and he’ll be turning 4 later this month. He’s totally and universally adored by everyone in the family, and is amazingly confident and charming. I also have no pics from that pregnancy; that’s just life with multiple kids.

    Please please don’t feel bad about your less-than-ecstatic initial disposition about Bunlet,
    for Bunlet seems to already have a kick-ass sense of humor!

    June 4, 2015
    • Ugh, sorry. I meant Bunter seems to already have a kick-ass sense of humor!

      June 5, 2015
  2. Ha! Well I did think maybe Bunter was using dial-up there for a moment 😉

    June 4, 2015
  3. “I get wireless in here”.
    You’re priceless, bunny. Hang in there. My middle brother (healthy fetus #3) kept up the complaints about not getting enough attention for years. Other than that he’s awesome, the one of my siblings I’m closest to.

    June 5, 2015
  4. CJ #

    Really? Super hilarious. I can’t stop giggling over breastfeeding myself comment. Funny shit!!

    June 5, 2015
  5. Bahhaa. “breastfeeding myself”. Hilarity. Well we knew (and even you did) that you would come around. And I won’t judge you if you destroy all evidence of ever being pissed at getting pregnant again. 🙂 Hey Bunter! Can’t wait until you find your way into the world.

    June 5, 2015
  6. SRB #

    Awwww Bunter! MJB was my forgotten fetus, and most days, I prefer him to all other humans. You will make out like a bandit! It’s that newly minted middle child you have to watch out for…

    June 5, 2015
  7. JC #

    Bunny, I doubt I’ve ever commented before (b/c I found you after my twins were born), but I wanted to thank you for lightening my days. When you are funny, you are hilarious, and when you’re wise, you’re very wise. Even my husband (he who mostly bemoans all my blog reading) loves your posts.

    Looking forward to more communications from Bunter, no matter what the transmission method!

    June 5, 2015
  8. Steph #

    Hey Bunter! So glad to finally see a photo of you. And you’re pretty much spot on…third babies do change their own diapers. In fact the really advanced ones come out potty trained. No pressure though. You will forgive your mama for this sometime in your early thirties. The best part of all of this waiting around is the anticipation. I mean you’ve got some pretty rad sibs who will love you forever and constantly be sticking their faces into yours in the early days. A Mom and Dad who will too love you forever even if they do forget about you from time to time. You are one lucky fetus. I mean it. Hope to see a photo of you again sometime before college age.

    June 6, 2015
  9. Andie #

    Well, hello to you, dear Bunter. 🙂

    June 6, 2015
  10. Misfit #

    Bunter. Welcome. If you could also start picking up piano, that will make you a child star. Having a job is a way to get a mamas attention. I will tell you that I see a future where the ingrates who precede you will find you favored. “This one can’t talk back and say no to sweet newborn snuggles, yet!” Lots of love, Bunterina. (I feel like a girl is due here.)

    June 6, 2015
  11. Everybody knows The Last Baby = Family Favorite. I am (clearly) middle child yet harbor no ill will to my young brother. I think errabuddy just loves The Baby.

    June 8, 2015
  12. Bunter sounds like the world’s best baby, with that feeding/changing self bit. I think you’re onto something with the very early independence encouragement. Write that book now and rake in the profit.

    June 8, 2015
  13. Well little Mr bunter, you absolutely got your mama’s wit. For that reason alone, she will find you irresistible. Alas, it is a major part of a mother’s job description to worry but I can tell that she’s pretty excited about the fact that you are a healthy, awesome (and did I mention hilarious?) fetus.

    Can’t wait to meet you. EVERYONE is going to love you!

    June 8, 2015
  14. sweet Bunter. You have NO idea what fun awaits you on the other side of your current digs. Your family is AWESOME. I would say, also, that as long as you have wifi in there, you might as well enjoy your peace and quiet, and do all your web surfing now. Your sibs are still learning how to share, so once you’re out, you may not get this kind of uninterrupted access to the inter webs. You might want to start with a quick search of this auto-breastfeeding business you mention.

    June 9, 2015

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