Preschool: I’m a cliché
The babies have been attending preschool for FIVE whole days now. Due to our schedule, I have only dropped them off once, and today was my first drop off AND pick up day.
The babies are not enthusiastic about school. I expected them to either a) scream and cry when we separated or b) be pleased and excited and have no trouble with it. Instead they rather grimly say they don’t like it and don’t want to go. They have to be cajoled into the room, which sucks because it feels like we’re tricking them, and I can’t say a proper goodbye because I am trying not draw their attention to the fact that we are parting ways. It’s been disheartening. I know it’s temporary, I assume it will improve. I’ve certainly read about other people going through it and it seemed to improve reasonably quickly. And last week wasn’t horrible, just a little painful.
Today was horrible. Walking down the hall to their room I started to choke up. I shook it off and helped them change their shoes and hang their coats up, and Bunlet tottered right in. Phew! One down!
Bun Bun, on the other hand, wanted to be cuddled. She kept saying she didn’t want to go in. There was another child in tears clinging to a caregiver and I think I got some kind of crazy hormone surge, because before I knew it, I was in tears too, and unable to use my excellent strategies for talking a toddler into something it doesn’t want to do. I was mostly trying to not let her see the tears pouring down my face. The teacher and I got her to the door and I told her I’d be back and headed down the hall. There was no mistaking her wail of distress, though. Guess I didn’t do well enough. I sobbed my way home. And after thinking of all the many ways I could have done better and did I really have to leave my child sobbing? Was I really not a better parent than that? And why the hell were we doing this anyway? I reminded myself that it’s temporary, it’s a good thing that we’re attached to each other, it’s a classic experience all parents go through in one way or another, it’s only a couple of hours, she needs these experiences.
Still, when I came to get them and saw her sitting there among all the other children, putting her little shoes on, I burst into tears all over again. It was all I could do not to elbow a shitload of toddlers out of my way to get to her.
So yeah. I am a my children started school and I totally fell apart cliché.