This has been an odd winter. Unusually warm, which is great except it freaks me out in a We’re all going to die way. Of course, I have also been cocooned with my infant, so the weather matters less. Life seems to pass outside my windows while I hunker down. We moved Bunter out of the little co-sleeper basket (in our bed) to a crib (at the foot of our bed). It’s like a three foot difference, but I miss her.
She has learned how to suck her thumb, is working on grabbing her feet, sleeping like a champ. It’s a not unpleasant existence, but she is alert and Having Needs much more frequently now, so I have started going to work one day a week. It wasn’t possible to keep on top of things, and I was also going a bit NUTSO.
It’s painful to leave her. But then I feel a certain relief at the prospect of doing something other than keeping a baby from crying. She’s very easy, but there are times when she just needs to scream and I don’t enjoy screaming. And there are times when I have just had enough of the whole thing. I soaked up adorable baby and soaked it up and soaked it up and now I’m not just saturated but supersaturated. One day a week is helping me to savor the remainder of my leave rather than feeling trapped. While at work, I feel a certain panic at the number of things I’m supposed to accomplish in one day, but then I remind myself that the stakes are low. The whole pumping routine came right back–even down to the way I have to prop the pump on my desk drawer so it’s at the right height. BLAH.
So yeah, mostly good. This weekend I was a raging monster for no particular reason. (Except possibly hormones? I mean, I DO still have them and feeling like the whole world is the worst place ever is often hormone-related…). I needed to make Mr. Bunny a valentine, and this is what came out:
There’s a little card that reads: Please don’t die and leave me alone with them. I need someone who can fly a plane. (Mr. Bunny can pilot small planes.) Not the most sentimental one I’ve ever made, but evocative, I assure you.