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Get it together, Pitty

Y’all remember my anthropomorphic, slightly vindictive pituitary gland?

I have mostly been so impressed by your performance over the past five-ish years, Pitty. But this week I’m a bit irked. I mean, WAKE THE FUCK UP. I know, you’ve been on vacation from the whole menstrual cycle part of your job description. So I get that it’s going to take a minute to remember how to orchestrate ovulation and so forth. I know you’re all super focused on the perfect secretion of LH and FSH and I know you’re a total perfectionist. And I appreciate that. And I know the ovaries have been a bit sluggish about their part with the estrogen. But, honey, there’s really no point in being obsessed with it anymore. I know, that used to be aaaaaall I cared about. I used to be a micromanaging asshole, all up in your business. But things have changed, okay?

Meanwhile, are you getting the sense that you might be forgetting something?



A hint? Sure. Do you hear the screaming of that hungry infant?

Yeah. That’s right. LACTATION. You’re really dropping the ball. I need more than a tablespoon of milk to keep my baby happy, okay? So can I please beg you to switch your whooooooole focus? That would be super helpful.

Now please don’t get mad and withhold my oxytocin.


5 Comments Post a comment
  1. My one regret about weaning is that whole menstruation thing (which will inevitably return though 15+ months is not a bad run AND I night weaned her at six months. Amy chance of premature menopause, you think???) In the year 2016 why can we not turn this thing off when we don’t want it?

    April 1, 2016
  2. I’m 9.5 months PP and still no sign of the period. I’m not sad. I’m dreading it. Mine are so awful and I’m really worried about the breastfeeding. I hope yours gets better soon!

    April 2, 2016
  3. Whip that gland into shape! That’s how it works, right? Have you tried Go-Lacta? It helped my supply initially with Freya. Worth a shot. Or I could whip you up a batch of lactation cookies (that I would probably eat half of before mailing them to you YUMMMM) but heck, I doubt they help beyond the psychological benefit of eating chocolate.

    April 2, 2016
  4. misbehaving glands. The. Worst.
    Instead of spending tens of thousands of dollars in fertility treatment, I should maybe have had you give a stern talking to my pituitary. Something along the lines of “For the LOVE of ALL that’s HOLY, START. WORKING. NOW” I think you would have done a splendid job and my pituitary might have woken up. Too bad we didn’t think about it.
    But I have high hopes for your sweet Pitty. Maybe she’s just a bit put off by the whole tubal ligation. I mean, there’s no reason she should be, but those glands are such delicate flowers, aren’t they.

    April 3, 2016
  5. Steph #

    I got my period back two weeks after giving birth during some major overproduction phase- I think sometimes the pituitary gland has had enough of us being all up in it’s biz and decides to do it’s own thing. I hope by now since I’m behind on my blog reading that it’s resolved and all is happy. That being said, I know how maddening underproduction is too and all of the emotions tied into it. I really hope it’s okay now.

    April 18, 2016

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