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It’s obvious, you idiot

A long time ago, I wrote about a challenge we were having with sleeping arrangements. The toddlers had been sharing a room successfully for a while, but were suddenly tearing shit up and not sleeping. I asked for advice and y’all were like well, you could try x and y and z, but probably best to separate them. Which we did. It took a lot of work and led to a giant hole in the yard, but our lives became happy again. Some of you gently suggested afterward that it was pretty obvious they needed to be in separate rooms.

Well, not surprisingly given that we have yet another child, sleeping arrangements are an issue again. Bunter is currently in her crib in our bedroom. The spouse sleeps in the guest room. She does not require me to do anything for her in the middle of the night, but I would like my room back at some point so I can engage in luxurious behaviors like reading with a light on. And she does wake me up with her rolling around and squeaking. I am about done with it.

(I suppose having my spouse back in our room is a plus, though that doesn’t carry much weight for me. We are not into the notion that sharing a bed is important for a marriage. We go to bed at different times, and sharing a bed, or not, will have zero impact on our sex life. I read on the internet that there are couples that wake up in the middle of the night for sex? Or that cuddle when they wake up? That does not mesh with my anyone who wakes me up for any reason had better be prepared to be yelled at, and that includes you, toddler with the “I’m afraid of the dark” bullshit experience, though of course I understand that it is a reality for other people. I guess. Though is there really anyone who is not straining every nerve just to heave her reluctant, groggy carcass out the bed in the morning? Cuddling? ANYWAY.)

So I guess the obvious choice is to give up our guest room. And you will be gently telling me that it’s obvious. But we really like having that room. Not just to put guests in (because while we do have yet another guest room, it’s on the 3rd floor, and when we put people there we have to tidy the third floor, which would be fine except it’s Mr. Bunny’s territory so it actually gets quite GROSS because he’s a slob), but also so that one of us can escape there when the other is snoring or sick or whatever. Which is nigh on constant. We like it so much that we just can’t pull the trigger, but are instead going around in circles of indecision.

We are not putting Bun Bun and Bunlet together again. NO. But we could put Bunter in with Bun Bun. Bun Bun stays up reading with a light on, but in theory Bunter could learn to sleep with that going on. And Bun Bun doesn’t nap during the day anymore, so Bunter would have a place to sleep for naps. And Bun Bun is pretty rule-followy, so we could probably get her to make some small changes for the sake of her roomie. But of course, Bunter would wake her up, because babies cry at night, and Bunter wakes up at 6am.

Or we could put Bunter in with Bunlet. Bunlet stays up singing and looking at what’s happening on the street in a creepy peepin’ on the neighbors way, but in theory Bunter could learn to sleep with that going on. And they both wake up at 6, whereas Bun Bun tends to sleep till 7. (They all stay where they are until 6:45, when mama and daddy start the day, so it’s just a question of noise.) And Bunlet is very fond of his baby sister and very interested in keeping her happy.

There’s also the rustic 3rd floor guest room where Bunter could go…but that’s where Mr. Bunny naps during the day. (I know. FUCK HIM). And it’s where his office is, so it really needs to be off limits during the day. So she could go just there at night. But that just seems silly.

I have a spreadsheet with all the pros and cons. I keep thinking that children should be able to share a room. If we had one room, they’d share a room, end of story. And I remind myself that we have to sacrifice something, whether it’s the luxury of a guest room or the  luxury of fairly uninterrupted sleep. And I remind myself that whatever we do is temporary, because things change, so I should just do what’s easiest. But I can’t. So I go around and around. And so does Mr. Bunny. So help us.

 

15 Comments Post a comment
  1. Nicky #

    It sounds like Bunter should go into the close guest bedroom, and the 3rd floor guest bedroom will need to be tidied regularly. Perhaps a maid service is in order, if Mr. Bunny is slovenly. (He has my sympathy, I am a naturally messy person.) Mr. Bunny can use that room when someone is snoring, etc, considering he already naps there.

    Yes, children could be forced to adapt to sharing a room, and yet mine always sleep better when they’re separated. We actually rented a 3BR house on our recent vacation, just to keep the kids apart. It was awesome.

    April 21, 2016
  2. Sandhya #

    I agree with Nicky. Guest room v. uninterrupted sleep — sleep wins every time, in my book. But I love your description of your thought process. Sounds exactly like mine! 😉

    April 21, 2016
  3. sangela71 #

    Hmm. Our sons (twins, age 4) share a bedroom and have since birth, and it has rarely caused any problems, so I don’t see any problem with your moving Bunter in with either Bun-Bun or Bunlet. But I would probably lean toward putting the baby with Bunlet, as they wake around the same time in the mornings. . . unless Bunlet is a light sleeper and would be disturbed by the baby.

    BTW, like you, I would be reluctant to give up a guest room because, like you, I often find myself sleeping in ours! (Husband is a light sleeper, and we go to bed at different times, so we rarely sleep in the same bed.)

    April 21, 2016
  4. Sleep always wins, doesn’t it? What, there are people for whom this isn’t true??! (My spouse also has a Spousal Sleeping Area until such time as we buy a Cal King memory foam bed because haaaaaahah no.

    April 21, 2016
    • We have a king bed with a memory foam mattress (turns out I don’t like them? I thought memory meant “remembers what it was doing before you lay on it and goes back to doing that” but it turns out it means “remembers the imprint of my body, so there’s a fucking PIT in my bed”, though I will say that the part where the spouse’s movements don’t wake me up is great) and it’s currently ALL ALONE while we both sleep in other rooms. Silly, aren’t we?

      April 21, 2016
  5. Funny, I have been anticipating this post for about 3 months now. So, I’ve thought about this.
    My gut tells me she goes with Bun Bun. When I ask my gut why it thinks Bunter goes in Bun Bun’s room, the answers are not really that compelling. They’re both girls? Come the eff on, gut. Then it says, Bun Bun is a big girl and can then be given a new special privilege for accepting her baby sister in her room. But gut, what do you mean by that. Bunny and Mr. Bunny don’t have time to take her to Disney by herself, while the other two stay home fending for themselves.
    Then I start thinking about making one of those huge rooms the kids have into 2 smaller rooms. Costly. Lots of dust. But maybe?
    Then I start thinking that you’ll have to move. But that puts me in all sorts of distress because I am attached to all of you being in that house.
    And I think right about now, I find myself in the same rowboat without oars as you and Mr. Bunny have been drifting.
    Sorry, my friend. I’m useless.

    April 21, 2016
  6. I’d just put her in the guest bedroom, where Mr Bunny sleeps now. Mr Bunny could sleep with you or in the 3rd floor room, where he now naps (why not also sleep where he naps? I mean, how many different places for sleep is one entitled to have?)

    April 22, 2016
  7. I suspect that you are suffering from a case of too many options. When your options are limited, you choose a solution to your top priority and then give everyone enough time to get used to the adjustment before either declaring failure or tackling the next priority in line. Very often you find that everyone finds their way under the new regime and all is surprisingly well.

    So my advice is to pretend, for the sake of simplicity, that you don’t have an entire spreadsheet of possibilities before you and just dump that sweet little lady in whatever room is closest to you for now and then allow for an adjustment period before giving the matter further thought.

    April 22, 2016
  8. Ana #

    I think giving up the guest room is the easiest option, but I will say that I put Little bro in at about a year old with Big bro, and his FREQUENT night wakings never woke up my deep sleeping toddler—so unless she is a light sleeper, Bun Bun may not be bothered. Long term, I would definitely consider having 2 kids share because that guest room for sickness/snoring/can’t sleep but don’t want to wake you with my misery is really key for me, too.

    April 25, 2016
  9. Steph #

    I’ll weigh in….If I were to have a vote on this knowing what I know…I’d say put Bunter with Bunlet. My reasoning is as follows: It will be very good for Bunter to get used to sleeping through random shit like singing, talking, neighbor peeping etc. It will also be very good to foster middle child thoughtfulness with somewhat of a reward in big brothering. Lastly, if you try it and it doesn’t work than you can try Bun Bun. In my experience giving S some middle child big brothering to do has made him feel really important and like Bunlet he is also very sweet and caring and it works well with his personality. Giving him some nightime big brothering to do may help with him waking you because he is afraid of the scary noises in your house shit. One more comment….the girls may want to share later on by choice so why not give him a try? So yeah, I’m in camp Bunlet but support your decision either way always.

    April 25, 2016
  10. SLEEP. Sounds like you have some excellent advice, as per usual. I hope you can get that squishy daughter of yours into a room where her tossing and turning doesn’t keep you up. Because SLEEP.

    April 26, 2016
  11. You are so funny! I love your turns of phrase, thank you for sharing yourself like this 🙂

    Mr Bunny can have the 3rd floor room as his bedroom/office and then downstairs is your room and the three Bunnies rooms. Everyone gets their own room! Gosh, what I wouldn’t give for a room of my own.

    April 26, 2016
  12. Bunbun with Bunter sounds good to me, of everyone can get used to it, just on the basis that they are sufficiently apart in age not to set each other off? Maybe Bunbun would enjoy the responsibility. Or, Bunlet with Bunter, because they are closer in age and have similar schedules? Ooh. I don’t know. It’s not straightforward, is it? Maybe Chip n Jojo could put in some sheetrock for you if the room is big enough? That’s not helpful, is it? Will stop now.

    (I love the way you describe their ways. Ah. So adorable, the peeping and reading.)

    May 5, 2016
    • As long as they don’t call me with some sudden budget crisis! And I don’t really want JoJo coming in late at night to cover the room with artfully placed baskets of lemons and vases of twigs and shit.

      May 5, 2016

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