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A post like the things you find under the sofa cusion

Can someone make a breast pump that cries? It could even allow a mama to record her own baby’s cry for playback. It should get progressively louder and more frantic (like one of those alarm clocks). Because the sound of crying would definitely help me remember to fucking pump. As it is, I am always jumping like a startled rat and thinking SHIT! MUST PUMP AGAIN! And the My Angry PumpTM would probably help with letdown and all that, too. Please send me my million dollars immediately, Medela.

Mr. Bunny says this idea is “half baked”.

Pitty got mad and gave me a yeast infection and then another period about three days later. What do you mean, vaginal pH is not the pituitary’s job? You think it was just a coincidence? PLEASE.

The journal that made me wait a year for a review and then rejected my paper now wants me to review a paper for them. I vacillate between wanting to petulantly say NO, and thinking it’s a paper I need to read anyway so I should suck it up. After all, the authors had nothing to do with my bad experience. But in addition to my yucky feelings about the journal, one of the authors is someone I hate. I know, what grown ass tenured person bothers hating people. Except…she’s a mean girl. I feel like academia really has no room for mean girls. We’re all supposed to be kind-hearted nerds! Perhaps best I not review this, eh? Single blind reviews are stupid, and single blind reviewing a paper from someone you hate is even stupider. Saying yes and then waiting a year to send my review is tempting, but not actually something I’d consider, because I’m a kind-hearted nerd.

Yesterday Bun Bun and I were inspecting the peas we planted. The peas are up and thriving, but oddly there is no sign of the asparagus. I explained to Bun Bun that it’s weird because asparagus is always first. She said Maybe the asparagus needs to learn that it doesn’t always get to be first and that sometimes the peas get to be first. It’s so sweet and yet so bizarre to hear my moralizing little lessons coming out of someone else’s mouth.




8 Comments Post a comment
  1. “Maybe the asparagus needs to learn that it doesn’t always get to be first and that sometimes the peas get to be first.”

    That is the best thing I’ve read all week. (I’ve been reading a lot of draft thesis chapters, for theses due on Friday…)

    Last week I sliced my finger rather than the bagel (hurrah, serrated bread knives!) and as I was bandaging up the cut, Gwen’s words of comfort were “be more careful next time, Mommy”.

    Yup. It is so weird hearing my words in her mouth.

    April 26, 2016
  2. Nicky #

    1. That is an awesome idea! Crying alarm clock for your pump. Mr. Bunny hasn’t ever pumped, he doesn’t get it.

    2. Pitty needs to pull itself together. Easier said than done, obviously.

    3. Hmm, yes probably better to not review that one. It would be difficult to remain objective.

    4. Awwww 🙂 It’s nice to know they hear and internalize your lessons, even if they’re not always capable of putting them into practice.

    April 26, 2016
  3. sangela71 #

    Ha! I love Bun Bun’s comment. Like you, I find it a little strange to have my lessons repeated to me by my sons. (Example: husband and I are arguing, and one of them says “It’s not nice to yell.” Oof.)

    I think your crying breast pump is a great idea!

    April 26, 2016
  4. Today Bug said ‘Can I help you with something? Because I am part of this family and I need to help out.’ Awww. He was listening!

    (Get it together, Pitty, seriously.)

    April 27, 2016
  5. Ana #

    That is actually a really really good idea (crying breast pump alarm). Or maybe a plug in/app that flashes baby crying picture on your entire screen repeatedly so that you have to stop doing what you’re doing and get to it?
    #4—adorable. Its awesome (and horrifying at times) to see my kids repeat my own words.

    April 27, 2016
  6. Bun Bun has acquired a well-developed sense of fairness, as we can see with the asparagus/pea example. Perhaps Pitty could also develop this sense and recommence working properly right now, because it’s only fair that it should.

    April 28, 2016
  7. Steph #

    I disagree with Mr. Bunny on your marketable new business idea. I recall standing in a line at the grocery store and the woman in front of me had a crying baby- by boobs started to leak almost instantly….so I think you should do it. Call up medela and pitch it to them.

    Sounds like your moral lessons are paying off! Can Bun Bun come over and pass her knowledge on to my three?

    May 2, 2016
  8. Jessie #

    Hygiea actual does make a pump that allows you to record your baby’s cry, but it does not have an alarm function. I think that’s a fantastic idea!

    Unrelated, but have you read the picture book Bunny Bungalow by Cynthia Rylant? It made me think of you, which might be odd, since you’re an internet stranger, but it is a sweet little book.

    May 9, 2016

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