A long time ago, I wrote about a challenge we were having with sleeping arrangements. The toddlers had been sharing a room successfully for a while, but were suddenly tearing shit up and not sleeping. I asked for advice and y’all were like well, you could try x and y and z, but probably best to separate them. Which we did. It took a lot of work and led to a giant hole in the yard, but our lives became happy again. Some of you gently suggested afterward that it was pretty obvious they needed to be in separate rooms.
Well, not surprisingly given that we have yet another child, sleeping arrangements are an issue again. Bunter is currently in her crib in our bedroom. The spouse sleeps in the guest room. She does not require me to do anything for her in the middle of the night, but I would like my room back at some point so I can engage in luxurious behaviors like reading with a light on. And she does wake me up with her rolling around and squeaking. I am about done with it.
(I suppose having my spouse back in our room is a plus, though that doesn’t carry much weight for me. We are not into the notion that sharing a bed is important for a marriage. We go to bed at different times, and sharing a bed, or not, will have zero impact on our sex life. I read on the internet that there are couples that wake up in the middle of the night for sex? Or that cuddle when they wake up? That does not mesh with my anyone who wakes me up for any reason had better be prepared to be yelled at, and that includes you, toddler with the “I’m afraid of the dark” bullshit experience, though of course I understand that it is a reality for other people. I guess. Though is there really anyone who is not straining every nerve just to heave her reluctant, groggy carcass out the bed in the morning? Cuddling? ANYWAY.)
So I guess the obvious choice is to give up our guest room. And you will be gently telling me that it’s obvious. But we really like having that room. Not just to put guests in (because while we do have yet another guest room, it’s on the 3rd floor, and when we put people there we have to tidy the third floor, which would be fine except it’s Mr. Bunny’s territory so it actually gets quite GROSS because he’s a slob), but also so that one of us can escape there when the other is snoring or sick or whatever. Which is nigh on constant. We like it so much that we just can’t pull the trigger, but are instead going around in circles of indecision.
We are not putting Bun Bun and Bunlet together again. NO. But we could put Bunter in with Bun Bun. Bun Bun stays up reading with a light on, but in theory Bunter could learn to sleep with that going on. And Bun Bun doesn’t nap during the day anymore, so Bunter would have a place to sleep for naps. And Bun Bun is pretty rule-followy, so we could probably get her to make some small changes for the sake of her roomie. But of course, Bunter would wake her up, because babies cry at night, and Bunter wakes up at 6am.
Or we could put Bunter in with Bunlet. Bunlet stays up singing and looking at what’s happening on the street in a creepy peepin’ on the neighbors way, but in theory Bunter could learn to sleep with that going on. And they both wake up at 6, whereas Bun Bun tends to sleep till 7. (They all stay where they are until 6:45, when mama and daddy start the day, so it’s just a question of noise.) And Bunlet is very fond of his baby sister and very interested in keeping her happy.
There’s also the rustic 3rd floor guest room where Bunter could go…but that’s where Mr. Bunny naps during the day. (I know. FUCK HIM). And it’s where his office is, so it really needs to be off limits during the day. So she could go just there at night. But that just seems silly.
I have a spreadsheet with all the pros and cons. I keep thinking that children should be able to share a room. If we had one room, they’d share a room, end of story. And I remind myself that we have to sacrifice something, whether it’s the luxury of a guest room or the luxury of fairly uninterrupted sleep. And I remind myself that whatever we do is temporary, because things change, so I should just do what’s easiest. But I can’t. So I go around and around. And so does Mr. Bunny. So help us.